How to talk to mom about birth control?

**Fish** · 10-21-2009, 07:31 PM

Ok so I have a few other posts floating around with my full story but I'll give you a brief summary if you haven't seen it.

I'm 23 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are both virgins and have been practicing outercourse for the entirety of our relationship. Originally we intended on waiting to have sex until we were married because we thought that would be the ultimate wedding gift to each other and it's really romantic...however, more recently we've realized it is probably going to be at least 5 years before we are able to get married. I'm in grad school and he starts next year, and we want to both graduate and be semi-financially stable before we get married. Waiting just isn't what we want to do anymore and it's really not a realistic goal at this point.

Obviously we have told our families up until this point that we are waiting; neither one is uber religious nor do they expect us to wait, in fact I sometimes wonder if they even believe us. We are both adults but we are both super close to our parents and do not want to mislead them. I am still on my mother's health insurance since I am still in school. I want to get on the pill so ultimately my mother deserves to know what she is paying for.

Since we are very, very close, I'm not worried about telling her but I just don't know how to tell her we've changed our mind and I want to get on birth control. I just get kind of nervous when I think about talking with her about it and I don't know why.

Advice please??

**WildChild** · 10-21-2009, 11:37 PM

It's nice you want to talk to your mom about it but getting BC has nothing to do her at your age. You are both grown women and it's time for you to move into a more adult relationship with your parents. Just talk to her over coffee.

**Fish** · 10-22-2009, 10:55 AM

Did I mention I'm 200 miles away from her and I'll have to do it over the phone? I hardly think it is appropriate to bring up over Thanksgiving dinner, which is when I'll see her next. Also I'm not asking for her permission to get birth control, I just want to be upfront with her about it. I don't know, maybe this was a stupid post.

**WildChild** · 10-22-2009, 11:27 AM

No it's not a stupid post. I can just envision that as a dinner table convo.

Of course at 23 you don't need to ask permission. That was my point. My kids are still teens, with one in college, we've talked about this all along and took care of it when needed. As a parent when they are adults, as you are, it's won't be my business. Now your family may have a different idea about that.

If you feel a need to tell her before hand on the phone that may be a little awkward to just casually bring up. Can you wait until Thanksgiving? Are you just going to ge there a few hours or would you have time to just sit down and have a chat? Unless you think she is going to flip out about it probably the best thing to do is bring it up casually, talk about some of the changes in plans and the more extended engagement time and then just slip in that you've rethought the abstinance aspect and are looking at bc options. You might ask her what her experience has been. If she, for example, used the pill and had trouble with clotting it could be a concern for you.

**TWills32** · 10-22-2009, 01:30 PM

I had the pill talk with my mom when I was a teenager, because I needed to take it for my periods. Just tell her that you are wanting to get on the pill, because you're an adult, and you are not sure you want to wait for marriage anymore. If you two have an open and honest relationship, I am sure it won't be a problem. If she has a problem with it, you can get birth control for cheap or free at clinics like Planned Parenthood.

**Fish** · 10-23-2009, 10:14 PM

Ok so after way too much stressing over the issue, I brought it up on the phone with her tonight and it wasn't awkward at all. In fact she was surprised that we had waited as long as we did. Also I made clear to her that i was telling her because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. She did give me advice of her experience of what she used in the past and if course asked if we had talked about the "what ifs". I feel so relieved that I talked to her about it. Thank you!

**LanaBear** · 10-23-2009, 10:27 PM

haha - that's good, probably a relief. I didn't respond, but I was thinking, I would be shocked if your parents actually thought you two weren't having sex yet. I know you said everyone knows you two intended to wait, but realistically it's rare that it happens especially at your age. So you've probably just made her really proud!

**WildChild** · 10-23-2009, 10:52 PM

Good, I'm glad to hear that went well. I think it's often harder for the young people than the parents.

**Fish** · 10-24-2009, 09:09 AM

Well my stepdad never believed it; he thought it was more likely that my bf was gay! Haha...sensitive and respectful, yes, but how does that make him gay? I know I have found a rare "gem"...he's a great guy! My father, on the other hand, can continue thinking his "little girl" will be a virgin on her wedding night because I am certainly not bringing up the issue with him. I am an adult afterall, thank goodness.

Here is an email my mom sent me this morning:

I needed to let you know how very proud of you that i am!!! And yes **Brad also to make such a decision not with your bodies but with your heart and mind together.
You still make me proud and full of love.
Love always,
Mom

(**my bf's name has been changed, lol)

Going to my obgyn either late next week or the next week (I have 3 exams next week so I think I'll wait to mess with my hormones until after I take them!)...I'm so excited about this next stage in our relationship.........

**WildChild** · 10-24-2009, 09:21 AM

I have feeling you will have a very good experience. But don't expect fireworks right off, it will be a new thing and your body may take a little time to get really comfy with it so you can enjoy it fully.

10-21-2009, 07:31 PM	#1
Fish VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 43	How to talk to mom about birth control? Ok so I have a few other posts floating around with my full story but I'll give you a brief summary if you haven't seen it. I'm 23 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are both virgins and have been practicing outercourse for the entirety of our relationship. Originally we intended on waiting to have sex until we were married because we thought that would be the ultimate wedding gift to each other and it's really romantic...however, more recently we've realized it is probably going to be at least 5 years before we are able to get married. I'm in grad school and he starts next year, and we want to both graduate and be semi-financially stable before we get married. Waiting just isn't what we want to do anymore and it's really not a realistic goal at this point. Obviously we have told our families up until this point that we are waiting; neither one is uber religious nor do they expect us to wait, in fact I sometimes wonder if they even believe us. We are both adults but we are both super close to our parents and do not want to mislead them. I am still on my mother's health insurance since I am still in school. I want to get on the pill so ultimately my mother deserves to know what she is paying for. Since we are very, very close, I'm not worried about telling her but I just don't know how to tell her we've changed our mind and I want to get on birth control. I just get kind of nervous when I think about talking with her about it and I don't know why. Advice please??

10-21-2009, 11:37 PM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	It's nice you want to talk to your mom about it but getting BC has nothing to do her at your age. You are both grown women and it's time for you to move into a more adult relationship with your parents. Just talk to her over coffee. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-22-2009, 11:27 AM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	No it's not a stupid post. I can just envision that as a dinner table convo. Of course at 23 you don't need to ask permission. That was my point. My kids are still teens, with one in college, we've talked about this all along and took care of it when needed. As a parent when they are adults, as you are, it's won't be my business. Now your family may have a different idea about that. If you feel a need to tell her before hand on the phone that may be a little awkward to just casually bring up. Can you wait until Thanksgiving? Are you just going to ge there a few hours or would you have time to just sit down and have a chat? Unless you think she is going to flip out about it probably the best thing to do is bring it up casually, talk about some of the changes in plans and the more extended engagement time and then just slip in that you've rethought the abstinance aspect and are looking at bc options. You might ask her what her experience has been. If she, for example, used the pill and had trouble with clotting it could be a concern for you. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-22-2009, 01:30 PM	#5
TWills32 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Michigan Posts: 153	I had the pill talk with my mom when I was a teenager, because I needed to take it for my periods. Just tell her that you are wanting to get on the pill, because you're an adult, and you are not sure you want to wait for marriage anymore. If you two have an open and honest relationship, I am sure it won't be a problem. If she has a problem with it, you can get birth control for cheap or free at clinics like Planned Parenthood. __________________

10-23-2009, 10:27 PM	#7
LanaBear Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Moon Lander Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: A cozy little cottage on the moon. :-) Posts: 1,640 Blog Entries: 5	haha - that's good, probably a relief. I didn't respond, but I was thinking, I would be shocked if your parents actually thought you two weren't having sex yet. I know you said everyone knows you two intended to wait, but realistically it's rare that it happens especially at your age. So you've probably just made her really proud! __________________ Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

10-22-2009, 10:55 AM	#3
Fish VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 43	Did I mention I'm 200 miles away from her and I'll have to do it over the phone? I hardly think it is appropriate to bring up over Thanksgiving dinner, which is when I'll see her next. Also I'm not asking for her permission to get birth control, I just want to be upfront with her about it. I don't know, maybe this was a stupid post.

10-23-2009, 10:14 PM	#6
Fish VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 43	Ok so after way too much stressing over the issue, I brought it up on the phone with her tonight and it wasn't awkward at all. In fact she was surprised that we had waited as long as we did. Also I made clear to her that i was telling her because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. She did give me advice of her experience of what she used in the past and if course asked if we had talked about the "what ifs". I feel so relieved that I talked to her about it. Thank you!

10-23-2009, 10:52 PM	#8
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	Good, I'm glad to hear that went well. I think it's often harder for the young people than the parents. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-24-2009, 09:09 AM	#9
Fish VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 43	Well my stepdad never believed it; he thought it was more likely that my bf was gay! Haha...sensitive and respectful, yes, but how does that make him gay? I know I have found a rare "gem"...he's a great guy! My father, on the other hand, can continue thinking his "little girl" will be a virgin on her wedding night because I am certainly not bringing up the issue with him. I am an adult afterall, thank goodness. Here is an email my mom sent me this morning: I needed to let you know how very proud of you that i am!!! And yes Brad also to make such a decision not with your bodies but with your heart and mind together. You still make me proud and full of love. Love always, Mom (my bf's name has been changed, lol) Going to my obgyn either late next week or the next week (I have 3 exams next week so I think I'll wait to mess with my hormones until after I take them!)...I'm so excited about this next stage in our relationship.........

10-24-2009, 09:21 AM	#10
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	I have feeling you will have a very good experience. But don't expect fireworks right off, it will be a new thing and your body may take a little time to get really comfy with it so you can enjoy it fully. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

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