jen1960

Please help me. I'm almost 50, with two teen boys, happily married for 26 years.I mentioned to my sister that she has been leaving home a lot to party with friends, and that it's not healthy for her children. I thought her reaction would be mind your own business, but it wasn't. She has threatened me that she is going to tell my boys about my past.

My past...well, at sixteen, I dated a boy who I thought loved me. I was in foster care, so I really wanted to get out. Stupid me lost her virginity to him, and had a child, a boy. I tried so hard to make it right, no family, just his his, and he beat me daily. I lost front teeth, broken ribs, he even put a knife at my throat. One day, when the child was just over one years of age, I walked out, never to see him or the father again.

I moved away, four years later, at 23, I met a successful 25 year old man. Lovely family, they loved me to bits. We married, and seven years later started a family. He knew of my past, didn't care, he was very supportive.

Yesterday, I got into a argument with my younger sister, and said she needs to be more at home than out at the clubs. She e-mailed me that I have 24 hour to tell my boys, or she will about my past, what should I do?

WildChild

You can't stop her, not really. It maybe time to have a family conference.

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

PJhavinfunagain

it will be tough but who do you want them to hear it from? Make sure your hubby is with you and is supportive.

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"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
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jen1960

I did forget to mention that I left the boy with him as well. Can't get into to much, but they were very bad people, my life was threatened.
Her life is much more complicated, she has dirty laundry as well. I would never hold that against her, but she might come through with this threat. I can do more damage to her, even have her fired from her job, but I'm not that low. She is!
My boys are not ready for this information, at least my youngest, he has emotional problems, it would break his heart. They both look up to me as a good roll model, is there any hting I can say to my sister before 7pm tonight? Gawd I can't stand her!

CHANDLERS WISH

Even if you cross this bridge and it doesn't occur, it will next time won't it... She is angry for some reason at you and wants to destroy.

Your children are teenagers, it should be your choice when you decide to tell them that they have a brother somewhere and the circumstances, and perhaps it should be your sister's decision if she goes out and partys and leaves her children, it's her life not yours.

So, I would offer the above words to her via an email.

And, I would say to her let's leave it at that... You live your life and your skeletons and I'll live mine and I make this a pact.

See what she comes back with.

But, I strongly recommend if it works that you should sit your kids down when you feel they're stable enough to learn and tell them, they would resent you more for not, than they will for telling them and you can say that you wanted to wait until they were old enough to make their own decisions as an Adult as to whether they want to find and locate their half brother or let it be, as to why you waited.

CW

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jen1960

You gals are really needed right now. I'm a mess. My hubby is in NY, and said that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't make a mistake, I was thrown to the foster care system like a dog in a shelter. I did what anyone else would do, marry and get out. I was raped, beaten, I even ironed his clothes so he could go meet other woman. All the while pregnant and barefoot! I never bonded with the child, never. When I ran, I did. I'm not a bad person, just had a unlikely childhood.

CW, I will email her the pact. See what happens. My DH also said for her to go ahead with her big mouth, because in the long run I will always have him and our boys.

Joy

So sorry to hear you were with an abusive man and had to leave your child behind. You did what you thought you had to do at the time. I figure you did it cause well he would come looking for you and the child.

We've all been down different roads in life and what you did you did cause you had to not cause you just wanted too. I think when you explain that to your children the daily abuse, the life that was being beaten out of you and the toxic atmosphere was too much.

Men walk out on their children all the time for no good reason.. no one bats an eye. Don't beat yourself up anymore over your past.

As for your sister.... why would she want to hurt your kids that way? Why would she want to hurt you that way? I know you said it out of concern for her change of behavior and for her children but she got problems.

I don't think your kids are gonna take it that bad... you will find they probably have a lot of sympathy for you.... i'm sure they would rather have you living the life you have then living a life of physicial abuse.

jen1960

Joy, you ask why would she want to hurt me and my children. She thrives off drama. She likes to think her life is perfect. That I'm a over bearing mother who smothers her kids with too much love, duh.. I, we both lost our parents when we were young, yes together. You would think she would want to keep what little relationship we have intact, I see that not happening. Not to sound harsh, but she got divorced, got a tummy tuck and boobs and she's out all the time on the hunt for a new man.
She hates that I love to stay home, entertain friends, and very involved with my boys school and sports. She said I live a boring life and that I'm jealous of her lifestyle. This is her way of making herself look better.

I give up! She can do what ever she wants at seven pm.

I'll get back with you wonderful people here...hugs

WildChild

I hope things have worked out.

__________________
We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

Tex

Good luck, Jen.