Sister-In-Law Vent
My husband has two sisters and I get along famously with his younger sister-in-law, everyone does, she just cracks me up. Then there is his older sister. A few days ago, my husband and I had an argument. Not a disagreement, an argument. He just blew up at me, verbally attacked me. I went outside with the dog, I hate confrontation. Well, he must have called her. WTH for, I have NO idea. Little did I know, she came over. I have multiple sclerosis, our son has ADHD so at the end of every week, I take our two weekly pill boxes and refill the little slots. I have two and he has one, needless to say, I take a great deal more meds than he does. So after they were done whispering whatever, she comes back in this room I'm in now and sees a million pill bottles sitting in front of me. She said that she was going to come and take our son out Wednesday, greatI need a break from teen angst. O.k. two hours later, I get an email from her telling me how disturbed she was at seeing all the pill bottles on the desk and how our son could be abusing those pills and blah-blah-blah. Long story, she said if she didn't know me, she would have called CPS to request they do an investigation. Let me tell you that yes, she is high strung-EXTREMELY HIGH STRUNG and even her parents are nervous around her. She made her sister and her mother wait out in the rain for 20 minutes with a baby (who's now 23 with her own baby). It's not like she didn't know they were coming, so why didn't she clean the night before?!
I ended up responding to her ranting email to tell her what I was doing and that if she didn't like the way I was handling our meds then she was more than welcome to come over and do it herself and that if she thought that CPS was going to rescue my son and allow her to have custody, she is sadly mistaken because when they see what a dump she lives in she would be the last one to be notified. I forwarded the message to my husband. He said, and this is exactly what he said. . . "That's between you and her, you handle it, I'm not in it."Wait a minute, did he just say that to my face? I asked him loudly, "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? We're not talking about a pair of ear rings or that photo she stole off my the wall of this house which she doesn't live and DIDN'T ask for." AAAHHHGGG! The nerve of some people!!!
Aww!I'm sorry you're having troubles with this woman. Ah well, there's ALWAYS someone in our SO's family or friend circle that annoys the out of us. And it's frustrating because our SO can be torn between whose side to choose.
Unless she does anything drastic, I'd try to just ignore her, OR, act like what she's saying isn't affecting you but is just making you think that she's a ridiculous, inferior being.That should get her pissed! Haha.
unfortunately, the moment your husband called your SIL up and had her come over after your argument, he became involved in the tension between you and her. If he didn't want to be involved in your quarrel with his sister, than he should not have fanned the fire by venting his frustrations about you to her, which then led her to be all sisterly and start ripping on you.
He *IS* involved.
Beyond that, he is even moreso involved because his sister is threatening to call CPS on your child. Does he not take that seriously? That is a serious threat for which he should be concerned.
Do take Mes's advice and ignore her. She's trying to get you riled up, and she's not worth the spike in blood pressure. Hers are most likely empty threats, and if they are not, CPS will probably not do a thing regarding her complaint. If they were to show up, you have nothing to hide, and she may even find herself in trouble for making false reports to a government agency.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
agree with KMonte, and may i ask how is your husband relationship wour SIL? and why he let your SIL interfere in your household, is it always happen when you get argument with your husband? sorry i asked,cause i want to understand why he dont back u you up when his SIl threatening you ...
I don't have siblings, but I can kind of understand where the husband might be coming from, even though from the OP we can gather that he"s probably in the wrong...
Even though he loves his wife, it can be difficult for a person to go against his own sibling, someone he's grown up with, someone who he's presumably been very close to all his life. One can argue that a person's life partner should always take top priority, but it's not always the case!
From the SIL's pov, it's still her family, HER brother, and so it's also her business.
Not saying that that's right. It probably isn't. But I think that's how things are from the other side's perspective.
Ignore her. Don't engage her in any way. She's looking for a response, a reaction - she WANTS to get you angry and riled up. Clearly she is attention-seeking and this is how she does it, based on the examples you gave about how she gets under her own family's skin - such as making them wait out in the rain. For that whole 20 minutes I bet she was flying high because she knew everyone was focused on HER. It seems it's irrelevant to her what sorts of thoughts they were having - the point was that she was the center of attention and in full control.
So the way to win with her? Don't give her any attention. If she threatens with calling CPS, you could smile sweetly and thank her for her concern for the well-being of your children. Then move on. Change the subject. Ask her a question about something to get her focused on something else. Or just cut her off and start a conversation with someone else. Don't give her the chance. Don't email her, don't argue with her, don't get everyone involved - she wants that. And she's not worth it at all. She's winning now because she's consuming so much of your time and mental energy, and she's effectively controlling your emotions. Don't allow her to do that. Anything she says or does just let it slide right off your shoulders - don't take it seriously. She's just not worth it to you.
Just wanted to add - this is how I deal with my family (or at least try, lol). If I take them seriously and actually engage in a serious debate with them, I'll never win. It's all of them against me, and they never tire of arguing or bringing in biased or unsupported arguments, yet don't want to take the time to listen to actual fact and evidence (unfortunately they're rather close minded and see the world in very black and white manner).
So, the best way to keep the peace is to just smile and laugh it off. Make personal attacks or snide remarks made to you into a joke. Deflect as much as possible. Give a remark right back at them, with a good natured smile and pleasant tone. Everyone else will be laughing and they'll be the one feeling the pain. Get others involved so you can slip out of it. An example of that might be her threatening to call CPS. You laugh, and say, "Oh, is this like that time you threatened my husband with XYZ?" She gets defensive, and your husband, who is now involved, may say something like, "I still don't know why you did that." Now she has to defend herself to your husband, and suddenly they're in their own debate and you are completely out. Mission accomplished. I do this when someone in my family starts harrassing me - I just bring someone else in and they start arguing and I'm completely forgotten about.It's all tactical, lol.
1. Never take anything seriously.
2. Keep everything surface.
3. Always smile and act as though it doesn't bother you at all (even though it might).
4. Deflect the attention from you to someone else.
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