Mother of Pearl, In laws are drivin me nuts
October 7 I lost my job, that same week my bf's family got angry for him telling his 14 yr old sister about what he remembers about there other sisters death 15 yrs ago after she begged him to tell her. Well her it is over a month later and they are still completely treating him like he's some sort of stranger. Ok fine, they got mad but what ever happened to families sticking together?
What I've found out since is that his family never really handled the death of his sister. He said he cant remember his family ever really speaking of her or what happened after she died so now I wonder if they are mainly mad for opening up an unhealed topic. I've previously got my bf to open up about how he felt about losing his sister and I could tell he still had alot of built up pain.
Anywho so now they want him to come over and talk. Low and behold his mom emails him about 10 min after I posted a bulletin about Our Kick of Celebration for Relay For Life on Sunday. I advertised this mearly for the fact of gaining support and raising money. Of course she requests him on the same day around the same time. Small world huh? He told them Sunday wont work until late in the evening and saturday would be better. Next thing I know, his sister is texting him saying how she wonders why he even acts like he wants to be part of the family. How he never comes over. blah blah blah. Sad part is his family backs her up on it.
I mean forget about the fact that I lost my job. Right now, no we arent hard for money because I'm still getting severence from my company but that ends this month. He's working overtime to build up our savings just in case. We're trying to play this smart cause the job selection around here sucks. If we didn't care, we wouldnt have taking his brother and sister to the fair about an hr after I found out I was laid off. yeah like i was in the mood for that but i did it because he needed time with them. Dont get me started over how childish his sister acted that night. To look at me and say "i hate pigs, they are fat and stink", then we say ok well lets head home and she says "oh lets look at the pigs, they are so cute". I was far from irritated.
At this point we both feel like they dont appreciate the time they do get with him so we dont want to be there whatsoever. Its like their Idea of our lives is for him to never work overtime and to spend all extra time with them. Dont get me wrong. We tried!!! For 3 weeks in a row we didn't see my family and went to his families house every chance we got. We finally skipped a week and saw my family and they let us know it.
The past 3 weeks we've been cleaning our basement because of water damage and trying to get approval to fix the issue through the owners.
We simply are not allowed to have a life. They must be in every part of it and I cant stand it. At one point I loved them dearly but now they are like becoming obsessed with our lives. god help us when we start having children.
So weather we go over there saturday or sunday. What do you ladies and gents think we should address? Should I stick with my feelings and let him handle this on his own since I'm known to have a big mouth? they need to realize we are new at this sharing our lives together thing. Its only been 6 months since we moved in together. I know it wasn't really his place to tell his sister what happened to his other sister but just like in my family, the sibling are close and talk about everything. He felt it would be ok since they share everything else. I just dont know how to handle this one anymore
Krystal
It's raw and fresh, as we said, he stated something that really wasn't his job to do.
I don't blame him, after all they talk all the time, only this didn't come up.
6 months isn't long please bare with this, this is family and one day in the near future he will have to say "enough"..
Smile and handle it for now sweet.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I just wanna add that parents handle (or DON'T handle) the death of a child in very many different ways, and them making a big deal out of your boyfriend saying something about it to his sis isn't right but definitely understandable.
My parents lost two kids before they had me, and they will NOT talk about them, EVER, nothing, nada, ZIP. And if I pry... I cannot describe the agony that tries to surface in their faces. There are just no words, and to be honest what I see behind their eyes frightens the heck out of me.
well here's an update. Things seem better with the family but the 14 yr old sister has gotten way worse. On saturday my Bf went to his parents. I stayed home bc I felt this wasn't my fight. He needed to do this. He stood up to them for sure. He made a point of telling them that the phone can be used both ways. We dont avoid them ever when they call. Plus he asked why they never visit us. They have to come to our town for Walmart, or any other major stores. They're about 5 mins away at least once a week.
The sister that past away was a major topic. my bf credits me for pointing out the fact that her death was never dealt with and they actually agreed. I mean i know I dont blame them but his mom agreed that they just pushed passed the pain and kept busy. My bf said it got very emotional and they became very sorry because my bf finally told them that since he and his siblings were younger, they didnt know how to handle it and they need their parents help but their parents acted like it didn't happen. He wasn't tryin to hurt them but more or less express his feelings. They said the reason they didn't want the youngest sister (14yr old) to know is that she's to young. My bf told them that he was 16 and his other sister was 12 when it happened and they survived it. The 14yr old now has questions just like they did. They realized they are doing the same thing now that they did then. He said when he left his parents were back to normal and were asking him when he comes back to bring me cause they miss me too. I'm glad they worked this out. I understand everyone deals with death differently. I couldnt imagine losing a child. I'm glad that he can talk to them about it now.
Now for the sister. He tried thats for sure but she just doesn't get it. He tried being nice and tried tough love but nothing gets through to her. The only thing she updates on her myspace page is ways of taking pop shots at him. Saying how he doesn't care, texting him mean things. Just yesterday she asked if he was having fun at they Relay For Life event, he said he was (thinking she was being nice), she then tells him he needs to go home because he has to spend as much time with his women. he tried to ask her what she meant and if she wanted us to stop in and she would not respond.
I mean I feel bad because now it seems like I'm the blame in her head to why they are no longer close. I NEVER stop him from going over there or calling. This sister has NEVER excepted one of his gf. He said she always has had a problem with them but in the beginning she loved me. Would run up to me and hug me, ask me when we were gonna get married, when we were gonna have a niece or nephew for her. now its like cold. I hate it because I really do care about her and I'm sure its the teenage drama yrs (hasn't been that long since i was there).
Your boyfriend is the only other sibling now? That's all she has?
I'm a tad lost on the death my apologies, was he 16 and his sister 12 at that time? I thought it was years ago whereby the 14 yr old sister didn't actually know she had a sister until now?
Irrespective, she for some reason has a need for him.. Perhaps he should pick her up if they are 5 mins away and re-form the bond between you and her and him and her, have her over for dinner... Treat her like an 18yr old instead of a 14yr old and see if that changes things?
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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