Thread: INLAWS...or marrying the family

Bridey and Hubby return from the Honeymoon
and move into the flat she rented when she
was Miss.

MIL (mother-in-law) makes many incursions
and demands Hubby's visits on a more than
regular basis.

MIL wants them to move in with her, and
Bridey feels she will lose 'autonomy' is
such is done.

However, she has wall to wall MIL in
the apartment she's paying rent for.

Bridey gets pregnant and the pressure
is enormous.

The point to begin with;

Bridey NEVER HAD AUTONOMY when
MIL had an Open Door policy.

Bridey NEVER HAD AUTONOMY when
MIL could ring up and Hubby would
go racing out.

Hence, paying rent is pointless.
Living in another premises is pointless.
Moving in with MIL makes sense.

Firstly, it allows MIL to Win
Secondly, it dumps the burden of
housekeeping on MIL...(as well
as laundry, cooking etc.)
Thirdly, as MIL will be the live in
Nanny, Bridey will be freed to
pursue her own interests.

This could be going to school, or
taking a demanding job.

There is no sense in ever fighting a losing
battle. If MIL had the run of the place
when Bridey was living in 'her own' place,
then she never had Autonomy.

Autonomy means that MIL would have
to be invited or call to see if it was
convenient.

In many cases, MIL rejects that kind of
formality. That is her baby boy and she
is to have access to him at all times.

In this kind of a situation, letting MIL
'adopt' you and take on all household
responsibilities, frees you to pursue your
own endeavours.

You might have been a High School Grad
when you got married, but with MIL being
the "mommy", you are attending college,
making friends, having the best of both
worlds.

You might have had a schlock job where
you couldn't dare to seek promotion because
you had to go home to make dinner.

Since MIL is doing that, you never have to
go home.

So, it does become a plus.

Many times one marries a person with certain
expectaions, which are destroyed by the
incursion of his family.

The question is where did they get the authority?

If he doesn't want them interfering, he could
immediately stop them, without disturbing a
hair on your head.

The fact that he doesn't stop them, doesn't
stand up to them, well, it is not your fight.

Realise that outside of packing up and leaving
there is no way to extract yourself from the
dictatorship of his family.

He may be far weaker than you thought, he
may have such strong bonds with his family
that you are squeezed out.

Pat loved Rob, and thought their relationship
was fine. One night Rob was in a motor vehicle
accident and called his brother, Tom.

Tom came, subsequently, Pat was called.
She couldn't understand how it was that Rob
called his brother first.

Rob said to her; "If there was any decision
to be made, I give that authority to Tom."

If you hit Pat in the face with a chair she
wouldn't have been more knocked out.

After all this time, Rob's relationship with his
brother was stronger than with her.

Lyn came home to an empty house. Norm
should have been there. Where was he?
She phoned up and learned his mother had
called him for some chore.

He didn't come home for hours, and then
acted as if it were no big thing.

Subsequently, Norm's mother dropped by
to tell Norm there was a letter for him at
her house. No, she didn't carry it, he should
come and pick it up.

Lyn realised that she was in a situation in
which she didn't exist. She was wallpaper.

Carol had planned a big Xmas dinner, and on
Xmas eve Don told her not to bother, they
were going over to his Mothers.

She had invited some of her relatives to this
big dinner, but Don shrugged it off.

MIL (Mother in Law) knew Carol had planned
the dinner because she had been told about
it at the beginning of December and invited.

It was clear the game was tug of war, and
MIL had won.

The true MIL from is a Widow who
depends on her son for everything.

Sometimes everyting is fine, then the
Father in Law dies, and the son now
becomes her crutch.

He will feel torn and very often reason...
well, wifey is here, she can look after
the kids, but Mamma has no one but me.

Hence, until the old lady dies you come last.

She will call him at midnight because she
can't close a window. And he will race out.

She will call him on Sunday morning because
she feels alone and you won't see him to
midnight.

Moving in with her, or moving her in with you
is the end game in this scenario.

Of course, if the mother marries again, or has
a boyfriend, the last person in the world she
wants to see is her big son..(how can a '48'
year old have a 37 year old son?)....

But if she's decided to play the helpless widow
you might as well get used to it or get a divorce.