My mother is insane..

**Lollipop** · 11-29-2009 12:49 AM

Recently I have moved (temporarily) back in with my mom.

I am in my late 20's but I just got out of a unhealthy relationship, and I needed (or so I thought)this refuge.

I am starting to feel like I do not like my mother, and I am strongly considering leaving this state to avoid her permanently.

Every single day she screams at my step dad, for minor things like crunching his ice or simply making popcorn. (and she yaps at him all day, I personally can not see how he handles it) she also yells at my brother (who is 17) all the time. In fact her form of communication is talking loud.

She always (and yes always) has to be right (my brother who is 24 has this very bad as well, guessing he got it from her). I go to church sometimes with my step sister the church is nondemotional Christian (normal typical church).

A few weeks ago I went with my sister and told my mom what I was doing (trying to be curitious) and she just huffed at me "why would you go there" (in a disturbed voice).

When I got back she was acting like a female dog to me, so I asked her what they heck her problem was, and she told me that she could not believe I went to that church and that they brain wash me. I went to my room and was upset and cried, she came in and was snapping at me and I just cried and she said I was sensitive and walked off.

She always talks about my weight, I am pretty thin, I eat alot, I work out sometimes, I mostly take after my dads side of the family, short thin.

It really makes me mad, because I can not change the way I am.

She tries to control everyone, me, mystepdad, my brothers, even my step sisters. She has always treated me different than my brothers.

Every one always tells me she does, which must be pretty bad when people tell me this.

She bought my brother a flat screen tv and surround sound when he was in prison.

She has no rules for the 17 year old.

But when I was a kid she would not get my drivers license, I had to walk every where.

I put myself in college, paid for by myself ( I ahve a strong feeling she is going to pay for the 17 year old brother to go) She always tells me stuff I am doing is wrong (which at my age it is very annoying) she claims I have brain washed my brother and step sister.

My mom is mean to every one, even the guy who is doing maintenance on my stepdads house.

She is very selfish and very controlling, and very mad and yelling all the time, me and my siblings have anxiety and I think it has to do with her.

I was going to leave the state a few times but I stay for the 17 yr old brother, to make sure that he turns out ok, since she has no rules for the poor kid.

I know this probably seems like I am complaining, but I feel like she is really rude to me (well she is rude to everyone) whether I stay here or not she is this way.

We all think she is bi-polar or insane and needs help. But she gets mad and thinks everyone is against her, then she gets mean

I guess my question is, should I just drop her out of my life, since she is so miserable?

There is alot more to the story but it is hard to write close to 30 years of life

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-29-2009 01:49 AM

Welcome to the Forum Lollipop.

I edited your thread, purely to paragraph to make it easier for readers.

I don't know, I just wrote something on a Mental Health Thread, about "cutting" and so I will say it again.

You "chose" to stay with your Mother, after that break-up because I think, It was a fiancial situation that would help you.

Your saying should you not speak with her ever again, and then referring to things she is doing "now" but in reality, it's things she did in her past, when you were a child, before you went there, you knew that you weren't happy with the way she bought you up.

But when I was a kid she would not get my drivers license, I had to walk every where.

I put myself in college, paid for by myself ( I ahve a strong feeling she is going to pay for the 17 year old brother to go) She always tells me stuff I am doing is wrong (which at my age it is very annoying) she claims I have brain washed my brother and step sister

Aren't you a better person for it? Stronger? Able to stand on your own two feet, or Not... Relationship went sour and you went back home... So,if you put yourself through college, you should have been able to support yourself from this breakup. Your suggesting that it was "refuge", if that be the case, knowing you didn't like the way you were treated when you grew up, then I doubt you would have gone there, sorry that's just my opinion and I'm not being harsh, rather wanting to make you consider this all and think.

You talk about her as in the present, but really this is all to do with your past..

You know,every 10 years we grow even more... Now she has a 17 years old and isn't treating him the way she did when you were 17, he has a green card and your worried..

In-fact, he's a boy.

Your a girl, and at 17, 18, she would have had a lot of fears, with boys it's different.

That's just to start with.

This bothers me somewhat:-

When I got back she was acting like a female dog to me,

To refer to your Mother as a beatchh is not what I expected to read, rather I thought something along the lines of:-

Do you think she has Bi-Polar, I am not sure if she is on medication but what can I do to help, she seems nasty now etc...

But, you see her as you did as a child.. I think...

You are reliving that past and don't like it. Move.

That's your solution.

People can say whatever, my Aunty used to put my Mother done, I've learn't as an Adult she put her own daughters down, her nephew, treated them like carp, all the while she was trying to brainwash me.

Don't ever listen to anyone but yourself.

Your a woman, your 28, you should have your own place and people/friends to be with and family to visit, not going back home....

To a place that you had distaste for as a child.

That is going to make you write all you wrote.

Never cut ties with Family in my opinion, just learn to understand them and try to be there when you can.

Your StepDad, is at leats 42, he's a grown Man, if he can't take it, he'll leave, but he hasn't so he understands something, or else is in love and doesn't want to leave, taking it.

You all need to ascertain what the problem is and help her, not leave her.

CW

**Lollipop** · 11-29-2009 03:06 PM

CW-

I enjoyed reading your thoughts. I think you are right. I also think there is a deep feeling inside, where I want to be close with my mother, but it has not happened this far it probably will not. (you know the cliche mom and daughter are best friends)

I did chose to come here, which this is not very long. I have a friend who lives out of state and when I am done with school (Feb) I was going to visit her and see if I could get a job and what not. That is why I havent got my own place yet (because I easily could right now). I think going to stay with my friend will be good for me.

I am not happy with some of the things that happened in my childhood regarding my mother, including walking in on her and my best friends dad. When at that time I was staying the night at my friends house and my mom showed up.. which was weird because I was living with my father at the time, so there was no way she knew I would be there. But I suppose that is a different story all together.

My mom is a master manipulator, which makes a relationship with her impossible.

Thanks for your insight!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-29-2009 03:22 PM

Some people just don't have emotions... They don't know how to love, they take in life and don't give and mostly, I think it has to do with what happened in their life, their childhood

It's sad that you can't become "friends" with your Mum...

My Mum and I are so different, she will argue every point I make, lol, or tell me a story which I will give her advice to which she will argue as well, like I have no idea? Then don't tell me and ask for my opinion..

Your working out plans in your life, friends, College, go for it.. Just be you, be happy with you and accept your Mum for who she is. You don't have to like it, naturally and it hurts when they hurt you to the point of crying especially as we are older...

But, then if Mum is manipulating your letter her win... Smile, next time and say, hey, it's my life, I appreciate you had me, but I am an Adult and make my own decisions.

If I had $1 for each time I said that to my Mum in my 20's I may be rich now....

To the colour of my lipstick, to even now, the colour of my hair, I just smile and say, "I like it, so that's all that matters", or pfttttt, your just not adventurous mum. But not in a nasty way, rather, letting her know, I'm old enough and ugly enough to make my own decisions

You can't save what ever happens to your brother in life if he is "let lose", just be there when he falls or needs advice...

We don't chose our parents, or actually personally, I believe we do before we come to this earth, as a lesson to learn of what we will not be or turn out to be...

But, we can chose to always think positive thoughts and ensure we are true to ourselves, that "inner you"...

So be you and don't take any of it personally and try to push those bad memories into the the past, live your life..

CW

**dolphinlefty** · 12-02-2009 03:10 PM

My mom is also insane.

I recently told her I want nothing to do with her. But I still talk to her off and on. Both my parents are just crazy and have done the most horrible things imaginable to me and my siblings. I could just be crying about regular stuff, but I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive her yet. I'm trying but she still always flips on me. One seconds she's telling me how proud she is. The next she's screaming at me for not giving a *bleep about her and that no one ever thinks about her, etc. etc. I don't know what to do. She hates my little sister whom I absolutely adore and love. She's a very sweet girl but my mom and dad put her through and back this summer.

I hope moving away provides you with a solution and that someday your mom is a happy person and someone you can confide in.