son is a son till he takes a wife... sad mom to son
My only son has met a wonderful girl. I adore her. He is 32 years and has 1 child, my only grandchild. His first wife left him for another man. When he married her, I lost holidays, birthdays with my only son. It went on for 5 years. His wife even took our only grandchild away for the first year because I wanted her share the holidays and rotate them. Son scolded us and said he was grown now and we should accept it. X-mas is for children and they were setting their own traditions. After the wife left my son came around at christmas with our grandchild, remember birthdays and we rotated everything. Now after the new wonderful girl, we are back again to only her wishes. He will visit us after the holidays. We called him in early in November trying to work out a plan that involve all family members. He said he would be here xmas afternoon at 4:00 pm. we said great!!!! then he called 2 days agao and said, "mom I can't come now until 8:00 pm X-mas day. I told him the company was leaving on a plane 6:00 am the next morning everyone will be getting ready for bed. He blew up. I said fine... let me know what day is good for you.
Why can't a blended family compromise, why does the daughter-in-laws only think of themselves? I blame my son he wants me to concede every holiday. I only have 1 child and 1 grandchild and we sit here year after year always spend it with out my family. Why can't families rotate. I'm crying in my heart. I always had holidays with my husbands parents and mine on x-mas or x-mas eve and it was rotated.
ALL DAUGHTER IN LAWS, IF YOU HAVE SON'S AND YOU ARE NOT DOING RIGHT BY YOUR HUSBANDS FAMILY. tHE EXAMPLE IS BEING SET.
I'm sorry. Sounds like you feel like you're being pushed aside. That's not right.
Where did your son learn to be such a push over when it comes to women? He needs to stand up for himself and his wants/needs regarding holidays. Also, does this door-mat thing transfer to the rest of their relationship?
Seems like this happens all too often. Have you had a one-on-one chat with your daughter-in-law about it? If she's a wonderful girl like you've said, she might understand better if you explained your feelings to her directly. She might have come from a household with very different traditions and relationships than yours and might just not understand where you are coming from and what is important and why.
be careful of blaming your daughter in laws, my ex husband disliked spending time with his family and he always put the blame on me. his family was very straight and he was the original party boy, and he felt stifled by them. his mother disliked me intensely for things that had nothing to do with me, and in fact often knew nothing about. he tried to keep us apart so she wouldnt know what he was up to, i found it very sad and when i tried to be friendly i was rebuffed, just be careful that "blame" is being apportioned where deserved. my ex thought it was a great situation that he got out of all his family get-togethers and i got the blame.
to this day his mum thinks i tried to steal her son away, when it was not true, half the time i didnt know about these family does that i supposedly wouldnt come to!
son is a son till he takes a wife
I don't blame her at all. I blame him. We are 3 hours away and she has 2 children from a previous marrage and my son has 1 child. Its easier for him to have me concede. He also doesn't have to drive. I would like her support, but I don't think she will because she will benefit. I did tell my son that it was his fault. Of course he screamed at me and ti made the situtation worse. I did tell him I would rather talk to his new wife and that I thought it would be easier. I know in time before I did they both will feel my pain. ALL CHILDREN do it.
Growing up does eventually come if you have children.
well it did seem to me that you are blaming your daughter in law, and in fact daughter in laws in general. it seems to me you only blame your son for not standing up to her.Originally Posted by ityitybity
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Yes, I do.... She is a wonderful girl. I encourage this relationship. I just wish we were important on the holidays.
I appreciate your input... It helps to type about it....
Why don't you just call her and tell her that you'd really like to see her, your son and the kids for the holidays? Just have a normal, open conversation with her.
I have called and their is no response. I wish it was, but the wife is having husband (son) take care of it. I gave my feelings and it seems our feelings don't count.
I do feel for you but you sound "controlling" and I mean that in the nicest way.
See, have you asked every year for family? And, rightly so but we live in a different world the lady has family too.. And so it's not rotate that needs compromising it's a lady in your son's life and so she has family too and maybe she has problems too of letting go of her tradition so it takes time.
It's okay to say "fine 8pm is fine, guests don't matter you do, look foward to it" but you see it as , it doesn't suit, fit in with you, family is everything.
I understand my Mother is like this... It's so important but not so much to our generation or the next, we love our family and off course want to see them on Christmas Day, it's important, we love them, we want to but it's no longer about time, or when, it will just happen, he's no longer single sweet.
He no longer wants to nor should consider himself only and I understand "why not share each second time", I've said this over and over...
As long as he is there, he spent Christmas with you.
As long as you don't argue you can state your case, 2 years later down the track nicely and ask for "compromise"..
She is probably new so he needs to ease her into sharing with all of this, to something she is having trouble with herself, sharing, their time over these sorts of occasions. It's their decision, they are Adults. As I said, drop it for a couple of years you see him on the day. Hangabout and try a different approach then.
I know your hurting and it's hard.
I noted the Title of This Thread bar the last few words already exist.. This must be very close to your heart, and hurting but you need to see a little there on what maybe going on..
Best wishes and thank you for not hi-jacking that thread and starting your own.
CW
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 12-03-2009 at 04:09 AM.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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