My sister has done the unthinkable...

**Tropics** · 12-08-2009 09:44 PM

My sister has always been very bossy and domineering but what she has done recently has broken my heart. In the past she has ordered me around, put me down, and accused me of lying (with my children right there). Let me clarify that the accusations were unfounded. Now, my children are being "paid" to stay away from my husband and I. And...they accepted the money. My sister, knowing very well the hurt we are going through, invites our children to come for the holidays, leaving us all alone. The holidays are extremely sad for us. The majority of our family pretends nothing happened. We have no one to turn to.

**WildChild** · 12-08-2009 09:53 PM

Why would she do this and what form is this taking? How old are your children?

**dr.mansview** · 12-08-2009 09:54 PM

i assume that your children do not live with you and your husband..why is that and why is she trying to keep them from seeing you?

**Tropics** · 12-08-2009 09:56 PM

My friend thinks it is jealousy and her need for power. They are young adults. For the health of my elderly mother, I don't want confrontations.

**dr.mansview** · 12-08-2009 10:12 PM

your children may be eager to take the money because they need it or want it..eventually i'm sure they will realise what a manipulater your sister is..if you can contact your kids, let them know that you are counting on them visiting you during the holidays..perhaps they believe (because of what your sister has told them) that you no longer want contact with them..tell them straight out that you love them

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-08-2009 10:13 PM

Does your sister have children?

CW

**Tropics** · 12-08-2009 10:21 PM

She has a big family. One of my children has an abusive spouse who is well known and extremely rich. I am concerned about sharing too much online.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-08-2009 10:36 PM

Fair enough

So it sounds like to me, that she has to be the highlight of the family and also wants to impress your child's "boyfriend" family, keeping up with the Jones, so to speak and your children are laping it up for the fun/excitement and money thrown at them.

I am sure you bought them up with morals but as a teenager, all they at present see is "money/holidays", but I am sure, they realise their Aunty in effect is buying them or will do as they get older.

I can't see there is anything you can do other than to tell her that "holidays" are important to you, perhaps "share?", that time a little so you also get to share with them?

CW

**Tropics** · 12-08-2009 10:42 PM

Our children won't be a part of our lives. We were very loving parents and have been married a long time (no divorces, no drugs, alcohol, etc.) but money is more important to them. My sister is not the one paying them but she knows who is and doesn't stand up for us. I think you are right Chandler about a lot of the things you said. Although she portrays differently, she is very insecure and does need to be the center of it all.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-08-2009 10:50 PM

I'm sorry.. Obviously, they have been around it a little in their lives and like also the feeling, it's sad that they dis-regard their family in favour and I can only hope that as they get older they will remember the happy childhoods as well and come to their senses that family is always more important than wealth.

I imagine they will have a few heartaches also along the way.

All you can do, is be there when they fall and want to talk.

I have seen this before, in Australia and I have seen them get a little greedy but ultimately, they are un-happy and I think that somewhere down the track things will work themselves out.

I don't have the answer, or any other opinions, I can see a picture but it's very vague

The only thing I can offer you is this..

Today, no one knows who you are, after you tell what you want to and we all reply, you can not come back here, ensure that you didn't save this in the favourites, close your account and we can close this thread, if you want to talk more.

I sense you are more afraid of that, but really need some thoughts..

I'll leave that with you.

CW