My Aunt's Health:Deteriorating

**caterpillar79** · 12-09-2009 07:35 PM

As much as I am getting more and more excited as days go by...

My brother called me tonight, telling me that mom is happy for me and my fiance. I thought we'd close the conversation on high spirits, alas! I learned that my Aunt is becoming weaker and weaker - old age.

I called ****** twice and sent a text message, but no answer...no emails all-day...maybe busy with work and all these things coming up - I totally understand.

I thought of sharing how I feel now here with you all. I am in the brink of tears as I type. She is one of those Aunts, who, in the difficult chapter of my life was there to nurture me as her own. She never nagged at me. She gave me the freedom to choose on my own, once in a while calling me out if I really made a poor choice, but is willing to lift me up when my face is down in the mud after stumbling.

She gave me shelter when I went to college. Managed part of my allowance, basically modeling for me - reason why I am who I am right now with regard to finances.

Being the only daughter in the family, moderately spoiled by grandpa and dad, I did not learn how to cook "real meals" until college. When I was a college freshman, she cooked for me, washed my uniform for me, ironed them for me, offered me guidance with my homework.

She is not only a guidance counselor in school - she also is at home.

Now that I learned of her situation, my heart is crushed. I have not seen her since 2007. I might not see her for 1 or 2 more years. I don't know...will I ever see her alive?

I really really just wanted to vent.

Thank you all.

**Goodgirl93** · 12-09-2009 07:45 PM

Awh sweetie.

I'm so sorry to hear this.Just try to stay as positive as you can.Pray for her,and just keep trying to get back in touch with her.Leave her voicemails and remind her how much you love and miss her.

And you hang in there hunnie.

**caterpillar79** · 12-09-2009 07:47 PM

Thanks, Gigi. You didn't even realize how much distraction you've been all this time for me. Thanks, love!

**Goodgirl93** · 12-09-2009 07:56 PM

Your oh so welcome. Now that I know,I'll be trying to make you smile extra much!

**WildChild** · 12-09-2009 08:22 PM

It's difficult to think of her declining and having difficulty. I'm sure you would like to be there for her. I'm also sure she understands. Send her cards every week, draw little pictures or write notes. Let her know you are thinking of her. Can you and she talk on Skype or something like that?

**caterpillar79** · 12-09-2009 08:38 PM

Not at all. She is the traditional one in the family - no cell phones, no computers. According to my brother, she is almost bedridden now, always in diapers, needed someone to attend to her needs all the time. Before she grew this weak and before I came here in the US, we have urged her to move to the province and live close to my mom, since there is a vacant house built by her brothers four houses away - she and her husband refused.

She's the eldest female among 7 siblings. Because of her, all her siblings, including my mom, and 90% of us - their sons and daughters, were able to finish college. Her house has been our stepping stone, our refuge.

I think, it is a matter of pride on her part to be a "burden" for anybody but her husband, who even much older than her, whose health is also declining. In our country, adult care insurance is not affordable and scarce. She has savings in the bank, but she'd rather save it "for her burial" (her exact words) than for her comfort.

How distorted that was!

My brother further told me that when she needed something, and her husband didn't hear her request, she just cries there in bed - this really made me cry.

I instructed Richard, my brother, to buy her diapers and Ensure (that's her supplemental diet), and some flowers. My mom will be visiting her this holiday.

I would not be surprised if one os these days, she'll be on NGT in order to feed. I hope she gets stronger so I could still see her, and introduce my husband.

I feel so helpless. Due to all my past issues, I have just focused on myself - I felt like I neglected her. I feel like it might be too late.

It would be nice to send her cards, but she could not read anymore. She had gone nearly blind due to cataract even if it was treated with laser 5 years ago. She also have heart issues and highblood pressure. It would really be nice, but there is nobody patient enough to read it to her.

I will make a way. I will send it through Richard, so when he and mom visits her, they will be the ones delivering it to her.

I feel that with this new chapter that I am stepping into...another is closing right before my eyes.

It truly hurts me deeply. I cannot stop crying now, WC.

**WildChild** · 12-09-2009 09:30 PM

Oh Sweetie, I wish I could give you a hug.
Does she have a tape deck or machine that plays tapes or CDs? Perhaps you could read and record things for her? Even if she can't read the cards, she will know you are thinking of her. Get some with bright colors maybe she could at least see that a bit?

Think about this. She loves you. She knows you are far away. She is not a selfish person. What she wants most for you is for you to be happy and living a full life. I'm sure she is very happy that that you have found a man you love and who makes you happy.

I bet she would enjoy things like a nice bed jacket (kind of shortie robe for people confined to bed) or some nice pillow cases? I know you have a tender heart and will find ways to let her know you are thinking of her and love her.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-09-2009 09:37 PM

Sweetness.

With new life, there is also old life.

You have remembered from that call, everything that was part of you, then and part of you now.

Don't you think she realised and knows all that she is?

And, as we get older comes "old age", she would have had such a blessed life giving all she gave and passing that onto you. She knows that, she knew that and that is why, she passed it all onto you.

Even though she can't read, she can hear... Write.. and have it read to her, your heart as well as your present and future dreams, let her hear it...

We can't help getting older, it is what it is..

We have the chance to ensure people know how we feel, felt and believe and how their guidence made us, when they are still with us.

What ever you don't get the chance to say, she knows it, trust me.

Sad news, always hurts and with pain comes tears.

I can tell you one thing... 20 years on... You walk with a smile in the knowing of who you are and how they moulded you and say thank you with a smile, year after year and know that your heard, when they pass.

It's a knowledge between both of you that will never, ever, go away

20 years on, I still smile and talk to my Grandma, my Mentor, my God-Mother. She once even rang me and started singing, "I just called to say I love you", I giggled, it's those things that I remember. But, I knew that she knew were I was going in life, I was engaged as well, and told her, the next day she passed.

CW

**KMonte85** · 12-10-2009 06:43 AM

Cat, your post made me tear up! I just last year lost my aunt who was like a mother to me. She loved me unconditionally as if I was her own child. She supported my every move, whether or not I was making the right one at the time, and would pick me up if/when I fell to show me that life goes on.. I miss her every day. And I'm still angry with the powers that be for taking her in such a cruel/painful way - she had cancer that spread to her back, partially paralyzing her.. then to her other joints so every move was excuciating, then it spread to her brain... I'm sure you can deduce the rest... It was a miserable two year battle for her.

I hope that you are able to write a letter and send it along with your mother or Richard if you are unable to visit. Tell her how much she means to you. Tell her what an impact she had and still has on your life. She knows she does not have much time left and hearing those words will be a comfort that the time she did have on Earth was well spent raising an intelligent, thoughtful person like yourself.

**caterpillar79** · 12-13-2009 05:51 PM

I will write her a letter and have my brother read it to her. I talked to my mom on the phone and she said my aunt is OK.

Thank you all for being here as always. I definitely have struck a balance now, unlike the last time I just heard of her condition. My fiance is also being a great emotional support for me at all times. He's a blessing, and so are all of you, especially my two Mums in here.