Mum's view of my boyfriend

**earwig123** · 12-19-2009 01:04 AM

I'm not really sure if this is in the right section, but here goes.

When I first had sex with my first boyfriend (I was 18 and in my first year at uni) I decided to tell my mum (we're really close) and although she was ok at the time, the next day she refused to talk to me. She thought I'd been really irresponsible and stupid and she just didn't approve. It was a really rough couple of days with arguments and tears etc.

I have since broken up with that guy. I am now 20, in my 3rd year at uni and have been seeing a guy for 3 months. I am considering sleeping with him, but I'm worried about how my mum will react, and wondering whether to tell her at all if I do. I don't want to cause more arguments, awkwardness or anything like that; but i don't want to make her feel like she's not part of my life any more. However, at what point does it become none of her business?

I think she likes my boyfriend (although I recently told her something about him that she didn't like - that he tried drugs under peer pressure when he was younger) so I just don't know how she'll react.

Thanks for your help

x

**Sprite** · 12-19-2009 01:08 AM

Maybe you could try talk to her, and ask her exactly how she feels about him, before you bring up wanting to sleep with him.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-19-2009 01:14 AM

My take?

Your like sisters, and you can converse but sex is a different subject and there, she becomes your Mum again and she is in-correct to be upset, you were 18,not 15?

You need to tell her "Mum, I am, was an Adult", I need your sister friendship as well as my Mum off course, but don't judge me, you bought me up the right way.. And, furthermore, I was 18, not 15... Be proud.

I would also say, your 20.. Wait a few years before conversing over these things with your Mum, she is trying to protect you but it's un-healthy for you to NOT have sex with a new boyfriend if that is what you desire, over fear of what your Mother thinks.

Sometimes, we have to keep things to ourselves, until they can see their little girl is all grown up, make sense?

CW

**KMonte85** · 12-21-2009 06:10 AM

Personally, I would not tell her about it. If she knows you have a boyfriend that you are serious with, she can probably figure the rest out herself. And if she has any motherly advice, she will tell you then. Sure, you and she have a great, open relationship. But really, that only goes so far because she is still your mother. When you are a teenager and have questions, that is the time to discuss with your mom. But you're in your 20s now. You're going to a university. You are an ADULT. You don't need to let Mom know every detail of your intimate life (and really, she probably does not want to know, at least that is how it seems from her first reaction when you were 18).

I have a very close relationship with my mother too. We talk almost every day and she is one of my best friends. However, the line of discussion gets drawn at sex. I don't tell her about my escapades with my boyfriend, and she does not tell me about her sexual conquests either. Both of us are perfectly happy with that. I know she doesn't want to hear about her baby girl having sex. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I do NOT want to her about her and my dad's sex life. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

Just let things happen... Mom's have a sense about these things and if she wants to talk to you about it she will bring it up. But don't just tell her because you feel like you should...

**the wench** · 12-21-2009 06:37 AM

your an adult with your own mind and feelings...remind her of this if you discuss it with her..i personally wouldnt bother after last time..she obvs feels very uncomfortable that uve grown up and do "adult" things....she should be proud your only doing these things in relationships!