Grandmother

**sourpuss** · 12-22-2009 04:26 PM

So my mom's mom (my grandma) is awful. She's just one of those people that is purposefully mean. We had a falling out about 3 years ago and I have not spoken to her since.
I made the decision that I just wasn't going to allow mean and/or negative people into my life, family or not.
Anyway, I got a Christmas card from her today. No note, or letter just a standard card with her named signed at the bottom. ...and a money order for $200.

I can't help but think that it's a passive aggressive way to get me to talk to her again. (one of the things in the last blow-up was that she accused me of never writing her a thank you, even though I have NEVER missed a thank you note for as long as I could write my name)

So I'm wondering what I should do. Tear it up? Cash it and write a thank you. Ignore it? Ack! Don't know what to do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-22-2009 04:55 PM

Your the stronger woman, the better man, if you accept it, say thank you

And, buy yourself something.

It's more probably, of her way to re-connect.

She's old, she's blood and one day in the near future, she isn't going to be here.

Always let them "go" to their grave, in peace and you in peace with that.

Look at it from that way... It is just "peace", you don't have to re-connect with her on-going, ....

We can't choose our family, we can choose our friends and like you, the only ones I have are "positive" people, I agree whole heartedly with that

**sperosi** · 12-22-2009 10:08 PM

send her a note thanking her for the gift, cash the check, and use the money for the ski weekend with your boyfriend and your new skis.

both issues solved!

**Mes T** · 12-22-2009 10:30 PM

Haha. And keep it as brief as her note was!

"Thank you.

-Signed name"

The only thing that would happen if you tore up $200 is you would not have $200 and that's not fun for anyone.

**WildChild** · 12-22-2009 10:46 PM

Sounds like she is trying to mend fences, maybe she doesn't know what to say but sending such a generous gift certainly sounds like she wants to hear from you. Why not take the high road and send her a nice thank you just as if you'd never fallen out? As CW says, she is old and probably set in her ways, she is your elder and as such you have to treat her politely. Take this as a valuable lesson she has given you - and school yourself to never in act in this manner but to resolve dissagrements quickly and to be tollerant of others?

**reemasams** · 12-31-2009 03:16 AM

just give a reply in the same way like her. purchase a thank you card put you sign at the bottom and send a thank you card to her.
but understand one thing she is your grand ma and you can adjust with her mentality. if you are not angry with her then talk with her but make her to get one thing that you are not speaking because of the money she sent to you...

**KMonte85** · 12-31-2009 06:47 AM

I agree with all of the above - accept the gift and send her a letter of thanks. Then spend the money.

She may be trying to reconnect, but it if it is not your perogotive to reconnect with her, then there is no reason to.
Don't feel guilty about taking the gift because you do not get along with her. Some people are a bigger burden on our psyche than they are worth - family members included. My grandmother was a real wench as well. On Christmas when I was quite little (7 maybe?), she returned everyone's gift to her, including my homemade christmas ornament, saying she wasnt a charity case. She also told me I was going to H*ll and she would be there to slap my face on the way in.... not a pleasant person by any means. She passed away when I was 16, and can't say I've really missed her. But I did enjoy the inheritance I received...

**sperosi** · 01-02-2010 04:03 PM

so, what ya do?

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-02-2010 04:10 PM

If it were me and I had plenty of money, I'd hold on to the check and not cash it, but send a thank you anyway and leave it at that... but if times were hard and I needed the money, I'd take it.. I am not that proud. I'd cash it and send a polite thank you card and leave it be. It shows courteousness to send the thank you, and cashing it doesn't imply you can be bought, it means you can accept a gift graciously

**sourpuss** · 01-02-2010 06:18 PM

Unfortunately, it was a money order. So short of sending it back, the money is already spent. I'm just going to buy a thank you card and sign my name.