Family depresses me

**yellowpiXi3** · 01-05-2010 12:29 PM

I love and hate the Holidays for this exact reason....

My family depresses the heck out of me. I don't want to end up like my parents... old and broke. But I feel that I am doing a lot of stupid stuff with my money. I can't stop buying stupid stuff. My bf thinks its the depression... and he says it will get better...but when will it get better? Every time I see my family I feel soooooo depressed. I just get this feeling of doom like I am not far from where they are. I got so paranoid about my money that I opened up an additional savings account. Here's my dilema I like to see my older (nice) sister, but I feel that if I see her I have to see my parents too, and they talk about nothing but problems... which leads me to feel super depressed when I leave. So do I stop seeing my family until my therapy is done?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-05-2010 01:44 PM

We don't turn out like our parents, "unless" we want to

We take what values we agree upon from them, into our lives, which helps mould us, as well as the things we don't like, which enables us to "change" that family pattern into the future.

With that being said, that is how you have to look at it when you are with them, "I am different, I am not like you, I feel sorry for you". (In your mind off course), the world is beautiful and full of positive things and I am one of them.... repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

As for money, just because you spend when you feel down, like every body does, doesn't mean your following their footsteps.

But, instead, donate $5 to a cause... Then you will feel you did something worthwhile with that money and visit that cause so you know all about it, no matter what it is, ie) a shelter, an animal refuge....

And, after all that, buy a packet of Tim Tams

Happy New Year sweety.

**sperosi** · 01-10-2010 06:44 AM

Originally Posted by yellowpiXi3

I love and hate the Holidays for this exact reason....

My family depresses the heck out of me. I don't want to end up like my parents... old and broke. But I feel that I am doing a lot of stupid stuff with my money. I can't stop buying stupid stuff. My bf thinks its the depression... and he says it will get better...but when will it get better? Every time I see my family I feel soooooo depressed. I just get this feeling of doom like I am not far from where they are. I got so paranoid about my money that I opened up an additional savings account. Here's my dilema I like to see my older (nice) sister, but I feel that if I see her I have to see my parents too, and they talk about nothing but problems... which leads me to feel super depressed when I leave. So do I stop seeing my family until my therapy is done?

well i dont think you should completely stop seeing your family until therapy is done, but maybe smaller and less frequent visits might help.

go search for "borderline personality disorder" online. see if any of it seems to fit.

**yellowpiXi3** · 01-10-2010 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by sperosi

well i dont think you should completely stop seeing your family until therapy is done, but maybe smaller and less frequent visits might help.

go search for "borderline personality disorder" online. see if any of it seems to fit.

Should I search for it FOR myself? or my family... I don't think I have a personality disorder because I'm going to therapy.... or am I missing something?

**sperosi** · 01-11-2010 05:18 AM

go search and read what it says. one of the things is going on spending sprees, as well as some other behaviors.

**WildChild** · 01-11-2010 05:56 AM

BPD is pretty extreme behavior. I was married to one. They go into rages and don't remember doing so. It a trauma related behavior that mimics bi-polar and other disorders in many ways, they can be scary and difficult to live around. Just doing some shopping, even compulsive shopping is no reason to think someone may have BPD. But go ahead and look it up if you'd like.

It's a good idea to start saving for retirement as early as possible and get that growth going for you. Savings accounts don't usually even keep even with inflation. Why not set up a mutual find account or 401 for yourself and start making regular contributions? Treat it like a bill, paying your future. Then have a money market of mutual fund fund for long term savings that isn't retirement- things like a house or car or vacation?

**caterpillar79** · 01-11-2010 08:00 AM

I hate to admit it, Pix, but as a culture, our old folks ARE like that. It is defeaning to be around them most of the time. I had to call out my mom for that and she is trying hard to improve. It is difficult to cut the age-old ways. I know and I totally understand how you feel.

Maybe having a vacation - (away from them I meant) would do you good until you sort things out for yourself. You must build a filter within just for them: garbage in-garbage out system.

Take care.

Cat

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