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Thread: I can't deal with my sister-in-law anymore, advice please

  1. #1
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    Default I can't deal with my sister-in-law anymore, advice please


    Technically, I think the correct word is "co-sister-in-law." This woman is married to my husband's brother.

    Thanks ahead of time to anyone who reads/comments.

    I can't deal with this woman anymore. From the very beginning, she and her husband (my husband's brother) have never liked me. It seems as though I have constantly been trying to win their approval for the last six years of my life. When I came into the picture, neither of them talked to me, and when I was around, they both treated me badly.

    The problems seemed to get worse about two years ago when she discovered social networking! She began posting blogs on there, and one particular blog was entirely about me; how I was lazy and assumed NO responsbility, that I did not take care of our son and let him do whatever he wanted to do. At the time he was a year and a half old. She also criticized me as a parent because he was not potty trained at that age, but her child was three at the time and was not potty trained. I had no access to viewing the blog, but a mutual friend logged in and let me read it because she was sure it was about me. I confronted her about this, and she lied to my face, saying she made it visible to me because she wanted to be a "true friend," instead of saying all of it behind my back as everyone else was doing. She went on to apologize -- because I called her out on everything she did, she is the epitome of laziness and won't even get up to open a door for her kid! Anyway, she said she only said all this because she was jealous that my husband was working and hers was not, that mine gave me attention and love and hers did not, etc. I empathized with her because I felt sorry for her -- she was right about that fact, he never did pay her attention or help with taking care of their child. I told her when I was around, I would help her out around the house, and I did. I helped her clean, cook, watch her child as well as my own. We were getting along very well, and she even told me I was "like a sister" to her. When my husband's youngest brother got married, she was constantly downing his new wife to me, accusing her of child abuse and talking about how crazy she was. Not too long ago, however, problems rose again. She got mad at me because I asked her if she wanted to come to the park with her son so he could play with my son. She accused me of trying to run her life, because I had asked several times and she never would reply back to me. She then went to this new sister in law and filled her head up with lies! She has lied about me about SO many things. I can't even begin to name! She tries to make me jealous by doing things with this new sister in law. She treats my son differently. Everything we have, she talks her husband into getting something bigger and better. Everything is a competition with her, from what we have to who is getting the larger amount of money on a tax return! She has accused my husband's cousins of trying to kill their own father. She lost her best friend because of this because "her true colors" came through after that, so now that part of the family wants NOTHING to do with us. If we ask them to bring their kid to do something, they refuse because she does not like me. When all this started, my husband stuck by my side and is still sticking by my side--I am very blessed for that. He said I should not worry because "everyone knows how she is," and I don't know what he meant by that but I didn't bother to ask, either. I recently deleted my MySpace page because she was looking at it 5-6 times a day, and every status message I put up she would reply to it in her status messages when what I put in mine had NOTHING at all to do with her. She has lied to her husband about things I have supposedly said about him, saying that I have put things up on my MySpace ridiculing him when he had no job, and because of that, my brother in law and I had problems and words and did not speak for about a month. We are now on good terms, though, and she does not seem to like it at all. It's like she wants to start trouble in my life for her own pleasure. She excludes my son from certain activities because she wants to spite me. When I am around, she does not talk or even look at me. I try to be nice to her. She lies all the time, and I am sick of it! She lies to our mother in law, and I don't think our MIL believes anything--I think she is in "my corner," per say because of some of the things she has said. I am just so irritated by her. She copies me. She has to shop where I shop, I recently started going back to school and so she follows right behind me, we got a new tv, so she wanted a new, bigger one. It's driving me crazy! Above all, the fact that she just flat out lies about me is getting to me. I hate lies and liars all together.. I cannot stand it. I don't know what to do anymore.

    I am lucky to have my husband and this wonderful mother in law who says that what goes around, comes around-- but it sure is getting aggravating waiting for KARMA!

    someone please help.

  2. #2
    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    How far are you from where she lives?

    Foremost, I want you to realize that you are far well-grounded that she is. Don't ever stoop down to her level.

    You know you are not doing what she says you do, so, what's the use of worrying over it? Say, pffft....not true (just to your self and/or your husband, then dismiss and IGNORE all her "attention getting' tactics.

    She is a very insecure and a needy person. Wants all the attention she could get no matter what - you are giving her what she wants by merely worrying about her.

    Don't even give a dam...she'll eventually realize (who knows when), that any of her antics is not working, so she'll tire over it. Hoping she'll leave you alone.

    Do as you normally conduct your business at home and with your friends and in-laws. During family gatherings, just be civil....garbage - in, garbage - out.

    Stick here with us in the forum. Share and pour out your negative emotions here, but don't show her your vulnerability. The more you show it to her, the more you enable her to do as she pleases.

    Been there, sweet. I know how it feels.
    Take care.

    Cat
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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    she sounds like her day is not complete unless she is causing problems for someone. like she is not happy unless someone else is unhappy, i would try my best to ignore her that being said if she drags your child into it i would let her know she has stepped over the line if i were you. i knew someone once just like this i stopped talking to them cut ties with them completely and yes it was hard at first i lost friends and family over it but i know i made the right choice and my life has been that little bit happier. good luck.
    To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

  4. #4
    Joy
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    sadly enough if your SIL just realized if she put as much energy into herself instead of lying, gossiping, and worrying that others may be getting "ahead" of her she would be ahead. One day she might realize this until then her immaturity is really just holding her back not you.

    Live your life as normal and ppl will see your character and it will speak for itself and Unfortunatly her reputation will preceed her.

    good luck

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