confused...

**jj44** · 01-12-2010 02:48 PM

I am a sixteen year old girl, i live with both of my parents, they're separated but live in the same city. i dont have a good relationship with either of them. my dad hits me and they put an intense amount of pressure on me to be perfect. this seems like a normal problem, but i have a history of mental health and this environment is completely toxic. i am really considering finishing my semester of high school and moving to a town an hour away, where my best friend, who is also my boyfriend, lives. i know i seem stupid and young, but my bf is 20, he works and he is willing to support me while i finish high school. is this a bad decision and how do you think my parents would react?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-12-2010 03:00 PM

I know in general terms 16 is perhaps classed as too young to leave home, but I can't really say that as a fact, because I left when I was 16 and a half.

The fact that you have no proper up-bringing, going from one home to another and more importantly, the FACT THAT your FATHER hits you, that's not on.

For your own safety as well as well being and mental well being I would say yes, move, but don't live with him yet.

I don't know where you live, but be careful as well, as your boyfriend is 20 and you are 16 and in some Countries, this is not allowed (sex wise) and he can get into serious trouble... If you are in a Country whereby 16 is legal, I still would wait and not live with him if you can live somewhere else and let him help you, just because it's hard once your there and if it doesn't work out, to find somewhere else to go..

Try and see if there is an alternative place nearby that you can live and pay your way.

How long until you finish school?

Do you have ambitions to do something work wise?

As for how your parents will react, you are being abused if you are being hit, what about your Mum, what is it like living with her? Can't you live with her full time?

CW

**jj44** · 01-12-2010 03:05 PM

i live in canada, and sixteen is legal lol.
its not just my family thats hurting me, i seem to be losing some friends too and i really don't want to stay in my town, he is the only one who is far enough for me to feel safe. school is incredibly important to me, i do pretty well and i had plans to go to university. i obviously can't afford that on my own, but im scared that if i leave home, my dad won't be willing to pay for it. i guess what im asking is, is staying in the place i am in now worth giving up a higher education?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-12-2010 03:08 PM

Phew

Do you know for a fact that your Father will be sending you to University?

When you say your Father hits you, can you elaborate?

I'm sorry but there are various things happening so it's not a cut and dry answer.

**jj44** · 01-12-2010 03:15 PM

i have an older brother and sister, and my dad paid for both of them to go to university. we've talked about it since i was little, in my family its expected that we go.
it just seems that every little thing i do makes him furious, like after a certain age he just stopped liking me. usually he'll slap me, push me, things like that. one time he ripped out my earring from shaking my head. needless to say my boyfriend wants me out of here, the only thing stopping him from coming to get me is me telling him that i need to go to school. i could start the new year in a high school near him. my point is im scared of leaving and being on my own, but im also scared to see what will happen if i stay

**LanaBear** · 01-12-2010 03:17 PM

That is all very unfortunate.

I'm not sure how to answer it though. On paper, yeah, I think it's too young... But I moved out when I was 17, although I had already graduated from HS.

The environment is obviously an unhealthy one though.

**jj44** · 01-12-2010 03:20 PM

i just don't want to be one of those girls who gives everything up to go be with a guy, although that isnt totally my situation. i'm worried that i won't be able to keep up my grades in school, but i have met my boyfriends parents and they also want me to come live with them. im just really torn

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-12-2010 03:21 PM

Where do your older brother and sister live?

And, you didn't mention what your relationship is with your Mother.

I can imagine the fear, you are walking on egg shells not sure at all what may happen and when...

Have you spoken to your brother and sister? Did they go through the same thing when they turned a certain age?

Maybe your Father has problems with teenagers, does he drink?

Sorry sweet, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but we are trying to help give you the right opinion....that's all.

CW

**jj44** · 01-12-2010 03:28 PM

my sister lives on her own nearby and my brother lives with my dad and works from there, they have both graduated from university. my mom and i are not close at all, we have nothing in common, which would be normal but i resent her, and i can't help it, but she does nothing to protect me from my dad.
my dad and my brother are best friends so my brother looks the other way as well, and hes usually not home. my sister had problems with my dad too, he broke her arm one time, and she spent some time homeless because of him.
my dad used to drink, he now does occasionally, but its always out of stress and anger that he does it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-12-2010 03:37 PM

Mmmm...

Well, this is sad and I am so sorry....

The fact that your Father broke your sister's arm, must scare you.

Your Dad seems to have anger problems and drinking would raise that and off course, he needs help in this regard but would I imagine, never get it.

I imagine that it has affected your sister some what over the years, I would talk to her more about it.

I wonder if you weren't living with him but continuing school, whether or not he would still put you through University? Is there a posibilty that you can live with your sister for a while to ascertain that before making a decision to move with your boyfriend and his parents. They obviously love you and care about you and want you out of that house.

And, I think that's the priority here unfortunately but I also know how your feeling because University is a big thing these days to obtain good jobs...

What are the fees for Uni these days where you live?

Are there grants, payment plans?

CW

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