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depends on her personality. some people need to be soft talked, others need to be told blunt and direct.
My Mother-in-law is a Critic!
So my mil is a very opositional, headstrong women. We have got a long great but now I am having a problem with her mouth. I think one person can only be talked badly about behind their back to their husband for so long. I am so tired of her saying mean things and trying to control everything and thinking she knows the answer to everything.
When I had my little girl she told my husband that I would be breastfeeding no matter what. Who is she to think she can control my choices. I guess she is the Alpha and Omego! She pisses me off and I have been very nice to her even ignoring her comments because I think she is just trying to make sure everyone is ok. She actually round a boutly accused me of having an affair and the baby I had wasn't her son's. This was not even 30 min after I gave birth, and she was mad because she didn't get to be in the birthroom.
There are so many things I have let slide but recently she told my husband that I am probably putting away money he doesn't know a bout when we are scrimping all our funds. And that I'm lying about the amount I get from the government. OMG!!!!! I am abudgeter, a planner, and a saver. I don't spend unless nesessary. But right now we are using all our money just to live, and thank god we are not in debt to anyone. I deal with our money because I enjoy organizing and stuff. But I always show him what's happening. Now my husband has told her that what she said is and he completely trusts me with money. But she says to him that he better check my accounts. ARG!!!! Why can't she bud out! She has no life and is actually terrible with money, the whole family knows. But I am certainly not her..... I have other faults such as wearing my heart on my sleeve and I can get angry easily when I feel there is injustice but I have no problem in the money department.
Well, I feel better now I've expressed myself. Anyone have tips on explaining to my mil I need her to stop gossiping about me!
depends on her personality. some people need to be soft talked, others need to be told blunt and direct.
Your husband needs to stick up for you.
Use reverse phsycology and get closer to her, so that she treats you more equal, instead of feeling that she is still the "Mother" and has a right to constantly interfere in her son's life and guide him, all-be-it the wrong way.
Sounds like she has a fear your going to up and leave one day on one of those statements pertaining to money.
At the same time, you have to realise we can't choose our In-laws we choose our partners and ignore the petty talk counteracting it with off the cuff comments around the place, by your husband of how good a manager of money you are, that will let people know she's just "talking" that it's not factual as to what she says.
Remember, you and your husband are all that matters and your baby...
We can counter-act things without going off at someone, and without explaining and defending ourselves, in other ways, as I've suggested above to get our points across.
Don't lose it and don't let it keep affecting you...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
How frustrating for you! To have family, your husband's mother, accusing you and spreading rumors and trying to put questions in your husbands mind about your money management, your faithfulness, your child's paternity, your child rearing decisions...
ARG! They always say, "you can't choose your family..."
Try to take solace in that your husband trusts you and dismisses the craziness spewing from his mother's mouth. The fact is, women such as your MIL are nearly impossible to change. You can tell her to shut up, you can try reasoning with her, your husband can tell her to shut up or try reasoning with her, and she will probably just continue on her ridiculous rampage. Because she thinks she's right. She thinks she's protecting her son.
But that does not mean you have to put up with it!!!
most likely your best bet is for you and your husband to agree to nip it in the bud when she starts up on an unsavory topic. Like when she tells your husband that he should be careful of how you're managing the money, that you're probably lying about everything - he should tell her CALMLY that he trusts you, everything is fine, she shouldn't concern herself with it, end of discussion. Then change the subject to something more pleasant.
When she gets on your case about how you're handling your child - tell her CALMLY that you appreciate her concern, but you and your husband are doing fine raising a perfectly happy and healthy child. That she doesn't need to worry about it, and that is the end of the discussion. Then change the subject to something more pleasant.
If she won't drop it, cut her off - leave her presence, tell you you need to end the call, etc. Eventually, she should get it - that she can't talk to you or your husband that way without being left alone.
She will still think it, she will probably still try to say it - but you don't need to subject yourself to that kind of behavior.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
sound like you need 2 confront her head on and let her relise you wont be talked about or walked all over by her of all people!
she should believe in the way she brought up her son and believe in the choices he has made in his life...1 of which being you!
if she cant grasp this then make it clear you and her grandchild will never visit her again and she wont be welcome in your home!
its harsh but maybe it the reality check she needs...you are her sons wife and who he has chosen to be with and trust and she has no right to have you feel like this...make sure you explain to your husband the reasoning behind anything you choose 2 say to her....you and his baby are his family now its the both of you he needs 2 look out for now.
x~There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy......Her heart!~x
x~the wench~x
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