Thread: My dad called me for the first time in a year...and I want nothing to do with him!

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

It's horrible walking on egg shells. The first thing you think of is "defense", and in that, don't call back.

That's natural.

You know, even if he does start to get into the escalate modes, your old enough to respectfully state, " sorry Dad, I'm not getting into this, nice talking to you, I must go, have a great week"....

Turn it around, breathe and get on with your life.

But, he is your Father and he may just be calling, for a nice reason, you never ever know.

CW

I wish I could give him the benefit of the doubt -- calling for a nice reason.
I can't think of the last time he called just because. My family and I have a more than complicated relationship.

My parents have chosen to step out of my life when it's convienent for them and then step back in when they want to point out something wrong.

Doesn't work like that in my book.

I decided to send him an email on Monday. I don't want anything to interrupt the wonderful weekend that I am having!

ok just some thoughts from someone who has had dad problems too. long story short my dad beat the living crud out of me, & then let his crazy girl friend at the time take over on beating me while he went & watched tv. for hours, they beat me! & b4 the beating, they mentally tortured me for over a month. i have brain lesions among emotional damage from my dad, things i can never forgive him for....NEVER. wen he did that my mom came to save me. his exact words were that he never wanted to c me or talk to me again.....i don't exist.
so after 2 years he decided he wanted to talk to me again. i didn't want to but my mother encouraged me to have a relationship with him, she didn't force me but encouraged. we talk these days & he loves me endlessly, but i can't say i feel the same. i don't love him. but i still talk to him. if i didn't talk to him, i wouldn't find out about ppl passing away on his side of the family, no one would tell me because he puts fear into the rest of the family or lies & says i don't care. so no one would tell me.
my point is, that if it is something important, u would know rather than find out after it is to late. go into the call to satisfy urself, not him. remember to that it is a phone, there is a end button.....it works. if it's not something u feel is important, tell him u don't wanna talk about it & that u have to go & hang up. he can call back but u don't have to answer it.
it sucks but i would rather b safe than sry. & this is exactly how i deal with my dad wen he & i r not getting along. i'm sry about ur dad & i truly understand. *hugz*

Originally Posted by Airmans Sweetie

ok just some thoughts from someone who has had dad problems too. long story short my dad beat the living crud out of me, & then let his crazy girl friend at the time take over on beating me while he went & watched tv. for hours, they beat me! & b4 the beating, they mentally tortured me for over a month. i have brain lesions among emotional damage from my dad, things i can never forgive him for....NEVER. wen he did that my mom came to save me. his exact words were that he never wanted to c me or talk to me again.....i don't exist.
so after 2 years he decided he wanted to talk to me again. i didn't want to but my mother encouraged me to have a relationship with him, she didn't force me but encouraged. we talk these days & he loves me endlessly, but i can't say i feel the same. i don't love him. but i still talk to him. if i didn't talk to him, i wouldn't find out about ppl passing away on his side of the family, no one would tell me because he puts fear into the rest of the family or lies & says i don't care. so no one would tell me.
my point is, that if it is something important, u would know rather than find out after it is to late. go into the call to satisfy urself, not him. remember to that it is a phone, there is a end button.....it works. if it's not something u feel is important, tell him u don't wanna talk about it & that u have to go & hang up. he can call back but u don't have to answer it.
it sucks but i would rather b safe than sry. & this is exactly how i deal with my dad wen he & i r not getting along. i'm sry about ur dad & i truly understand. *hugz*

Thanks Airman's Sweetie. I am so sorry what you were put through I was also emotionally and physically abused. Hence why I don't want to call him back. But you are right, there IS an END button and I can choose to use it.
I am having a nice weekend, so I am going to call him tomorrow.

That's great, Grace. Take care. Been to counseling for the trauma he caused you?

If I were you, I would ignore it. There is a limit to how much you can let people get away with in your life, whether they're your parents or some stranger on the street. If you have reached your limit, and if your lifeview doesn't include forgiveness (mine doesn't) then you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to forgive.
But it all depends on the severity of his abuse towards you. It's always your choice.

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

That's great, Grace. Take care. Been to counseling for the trauma he caused you?

Yes, I went through extensive counseling a couple of years ago. It really helped me and helped me realize that the abuse wasn't my fault and I did not deserve it. I was really brainwashed by my parents. Sooooo glad I'm out of there!