Thread: Alcoholic parent

dear kerry,

Good for you in letting your father go...living with abuse in your family and living with negletive parents is not an easy task. You must be a very strong person for not letting that effect your life. The one thing I have found in my long life and coming out of two abusive relationships is we tend to focus on people we can relate to. And we project a certain type of essence. What I mean is that you must not cling to the type of men that may have the same qualities as your father. You need to change the game ...so to speak...You have a lot to offer someone and do not compromise who you are for anyone! This is very important..because when the right one comes along he may completely miss what a wonderful loving person you really are because you may think you needed to change something about your self. The only thing you need to look at is the type of men you think you want. We tend to think that if someone is crazy about us or shows us too much attention, then something is wrong with them. Take another look. You deserve to be treated well and as you get older you will recognize this. You must project this attitude.... that you know deep down inside you deserve to be treated better and you deserve to matter to someone. It will happen ...hang in there and enjoy who you are and look at all you have been through and your still here! How awesome is that? You are stronger than you think.....hang in there!

You should find an Alanon group in your area. Its a support group for ppl that have to deal or dealt with Alcoholics. You are not second best. You are actually a very strong individual that has lived thru the pain and abuse of an alcoholic and a brother who is schizo. Schizopherena is a very hard mental disorder on any family. Don't be to hard on your mom cause really she did the best she could with a hard situation.

I don't know what you do in your spare time but some personal development either in poetry, music, dance whatever suits your lifestyle will show you how full your life is. All the love you need you already have inside yourself. No one externally is gonna love you more then you can love yourself. You can't depend on other ppl to make you happy or feel secure, or feel loved. That is something you must develop on your own and let it shine thru.

At some point work on forgiveness for your father and let that go it will serve you no purpose holding on to that disappointment your whole life. Forgiving him doesn't excuse his behavior it free's you not to have to live his burden of abuse to himself.

good luck

Please get help as soon as you can. i grew up in a similar situation, alcoholism, abuse, divorce, etc.

it has ruined my ability to have a healthy relationship with anyone. i always see the "what if's" and have a hard time trusting anyone.

please, dont end up like this! get help while it can still make a difference.

Kerry– I grew up having two alcoholic parents, and in addition my mother had a drug problem. I was emotionally scarred for many years, it took a long time for me to finally let go of my past and become the person I am today. I agree with what the above posters have said, but I also want to add that YOU are in control of your own life and the relationships you have in it. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you, talk about your emotions, and start trusting yourself and others. Easier said than done, I know, but remember that it is our own choices that make us who we are, not our past and present mishaps. If you change your way of thinking, you can change your life (spoken from experience). It may take awhile, but you can and will get there. Good luck.

K
Agree w/ previous posts, esp about Alanon. I truely believe it saved both my sanity and my life, and I can't recommend it strongly enough. Almost anyplace I've gone in the U.S., I've been able to find a group.
P