my adopted brother turning 18 soon... freaking out!

**kristalyn_04** · 02-07-2010 07:26 PM

Ok so my younger brother is 17, and adopted by another family (in other words, he is my biological brother, he is allowed contact with certain biological family members including me). I was reunited with him about 5 years ago, after being separated for 7 long years. It's a long story, but his adoption brought about a lot of confusion and emotional stress for him and for me, so his adoptive parents cut off all contact with his biological family until he was old enough to handle it. I was completely heartbroken about being separated from him for so long... he was my world, and still is. He is still not allowed contact with our mother (understandably) and a few other family members.

Here's the thing... he will be turning 18 this June, which means he will be allowed contact with any family member he wants, without any kind of supervision. I know he will want to see our mother. My mother has made many mistakes and is very emotionally unstable. My entire childhood was turned upside down because of her stupid decisions; I was hurt and disappointed time and time again and it sometimes still affects me to this day. Now that I am older, I know how to deal with it and I have overcome all the things I was put through. But, my brother does not know how to deal with it; he has never been exposed to this (thankfully), and has always been sheltered and protected from hurt and disappointment. When my mother is back in his life, there won't be anything I can do to protect him from all of this. I feel so helpless... I don't want him to get hurt and disappointed the way I have been my whole life. I would do anything to protect him from this, but he will be an adult and it will be his choice, nothing I can do.

I'm kinda freaking out about this, and don't know what to do. Perhaps I am being overprotective, but I can't help it... he is my whole world and I would give my life for him. Any ideas on how I can deal with this, and perhaps try to prepare him for what to expect? I'm just a very scared older sister trying to protect my little brother from all the unfortunate things I have already endured. If you have any ideas/advise, please share. Thanks.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-07-2010 07:59 PM

You know krystal, as horrible as this sounds, you endured it all, the brunt of it, you were young and still are

Your brother won't know her, the way you did/do, he will be "disappointed" perhaps but he has had 11 years, with a different Mother and one I assume that he calls Mum and loves....

He won't be having to go through what you went through.

I don't know how much he knows, but perhaps have dinner with him alone first and prepare him and let him know that "people" sometimes make bad choices in life that follows them around for all of their life. We can't change that, or them, but as you stated, you know how to deal with it now.. He will too... He's not a baby, and he has a fantastic loving sister...

**WildChild** · 02-07-2010 09:38 PM

CWs advice is good. I think you should follow it.

**p3375** · 02-08-2010 02:17 AM

K
How is his relationship w/ his adoptive mom? If it's good, that may help him deal w/ a birth mother that doesn't live up to his expectations.
Guess all you can do is be there for support when he needs it.
P

**kristalyn_04** · 02-08-2010 01:42 PM

He has a good relationship with his adoptive parents, although his mother is very overprotective. Thanks for the advise everyone, I think what I'll do is have a talk with my brother about what to expect, and I'll also have a talk with my mother about her intentions. I know he's not a baby anymore, but he is human and can still get hurt and disappointed. This reunion will be very emotional for all of us, I just have a lot of mixed feelings about it. I will always do everything I can to protect him, because he will always be my baby brother, no matter how old he gets.