Feeling very confused and SAd and confused

**sarahlee20** · 02-10-2010 03:49 PM

Ok Here's the story. sorry for it being so long...

My family and I have always been i guess a somewhat close family. My immediate family especially my mom aunt and so on. They were my two best friends growing up. l I've always been close with everyone in my family since i was a little girl. Especially my mom and I. We've always been close. Even when I was goingthrough some hard things at 16.I had my first boyfriend then which my mom thought i should have a more advanced with him when i wasn't ready.

My mom has always been a bit eccentric. Things got a little different between us. Anyway since then things were starting to get back to normal. However This past year things started to change. I had my online boyfriend come down which is now my fiance. Everything was great we soon later got engaged in 2009. We've been together almost 2 years. Around the same time my brother (whos 26) had gotten engaged too. The thing is that my mom was getting servely depressed watching her kids growing up and moving on getting engaged and having someone around. My mom had been divorced for 11 years.Which I could understand which is in of itself is tramatic event. Being alone all the time after being with someone 22 years. This past year and new year however things changed alot.

Since my mom had been so depressed at the time she was in her late fortys still. I decided being that I met my fiance online, I thought I would put her online to try and find someone she could be with as well. However she met someone and since last August 2009 he's moved in, got engaged and got married! ALl in like six months. I believe that is way too quick and you can't or even don't really know each that well. I mean I understand she's already been married and just i guess thought that she was getting older and needed a compainion. i understand and don't want her to be unhappy or sad. i want to be happy for her i just can't understand why her husband treats me that way. From what she tells me he treats her good and she seems happy.

However here is where it changes. I live in the same house with her and her now husband. As well as my fiance does too. The thing that I have hard time being happy is how her husband treats me. I get the feeling that somehow he doesn't want me around or that I am in the way. He always groans and grunts and looks at me with just plain deguist and mutters and cusses under his breath or about me when i enter or leave the room or need to be with my mom or ask her something.I don't like the way he treats me when I am around. It really brings me down having someone so negative around me. I am a very upbeat and happy and person to be around. I understand that I am not the best person in thw rold but while I am still living at home i'd like to be treated with some respect. I've tried talking to my mom about this several times and she says I don't know why he does it. We've talked over and over about it. She said maybe I am being too sensitive or he can't relate to me. I mean I was honest and told her how i felt like it was bringing me down and makiing me unhappy and not want to be home or around her. Not only the way he treats me but also tries to start fights between myself and fiance about money and person things.

When I am around my mom and he's there she is a different person it's like he comes first. Waits on him hand and foot does his laundry etc. I understand new relationships take time and they need to be together but. I just dislike him and his additude and always being here and in the middle of it. When it is just my mom and I at home we're great. Two peas in a pod. Best friends. I want her to be happy and she said that when it's just them he's "different" Until now it had always been my mom,my fiance and myself. It was nice because my mom was my best friend as well as my fiance. I got to be with both of them at the same time. i loved it. Now that she has someone it just totally messed up everything I just don't.My mom and I are drifing apart as well as well i try not to let things drift apart between us.

I don't know what to do. I believe i've sunk into a deep depression because of this.I want to try make an appointment with a therapist. Between this and dealing with my fiance gambling addiction and everything else I feel I can't go on like this. I love her so much just want everyone to get along. I just want to move out and move on. If i had the money and the economy wasn't so bad I would of been gone a long time aog. The sad thing is is that I know that once my finace and i move out we most likely won't be back. It sad to say because it never used to be like this before.

Any Suggestions. By the way We are both 22. It doesn't bother my fiance as it does me. Then again he treats him fine. I mean I've tried of anything and everything. I don't want them broken up but I don't want to keep living like this either...I really need some support please....Thank you in Advance...

**WildChild** · 02-10-2010 05:42 PM

Does your mother own the house?
Is her husband employed?
Are you employed?
Is your fiancee employed?

**sarahlee20** · 02-10-2010 06:25 PM

No my mom doesn't own the house. Her husband isn't employed. My fiance works and goes to school.I am currently unemployed and took a semester off school. However I am trying to seek a job and would like to start a home study course in gourmet cooking.

**luvtheoneurwith** · 02-11-2010 09:41 AM

Maybe you should just ignore his rude comments. When he makes them just say I am sorry you feel that way. He may feel threatened by the closeness of your Moms and your relationship, and is reacting in the only way he can. I don't feel that six months is too soon to be married, sometimes when you know you know. Remember the bigger picture is you and your Mom's relationship not yours and his. If your Mom loves him that is all that should matter. When I was your age my Parents both remarried. When my Mom decided it was time again to get married I asked her if she loved him. Because it doesn't matter if she feels shes going to be alone forever, with out love she would just end up alone again, or unhappy.

So does your Mom love him? Is she happy with her relationship? If the answers are yes than that should be all you need to support her. As long as he isn't abusive to her, just bide your time...bite your tongue...and move out ASAP. Keep in contact with Mom and remember that that is the relationship that truly matters.

**sarahlee20** · 02-11-2010 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by luvtheoneurwith

Maybe you should just ignore his rude comments. When he makes them just say I am sorry you feel that way. He may feel threatened by the closeness of your Moms and your relationship, and is reacting in the only way he can. I don't feel that six months is too soon to be married, sometimes when you know you know. Remember the bigger picture is you and your Mom's relationship not yours and his. If your Mom loves him that is all that should matter. When I was your age my Parents both remarried. When my Mom decided it was time again to get married I asked her if she loved him. Because it doesn't matter if she feels shes going to be alone forever, with out love she would just end up alone again, or unhappy.

So does your Mom love him? Is she happy with her relationship? If the answers are yes than that should be all you need to support her. As long a he isn't abusive to her, just bide your time...bite your tongue...and move out ASAP. Keep in contact with Mom and remember that that is the relationship that truly matters.

I don't think/know if she is truly happy. I think she mosly just married to for compainship. I think he just orders her around and tells her to go go go. It's just what i see.

**sarahlee20** · 02-11-2010 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Does your mother own the house?
Is her husband employed?
Are you employed?
Is your fiancee employed?

Well my grandma bought the house when my brother and i were very little. When my mom and dad divorced 11 years ago.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-11-2010 01:53 PM

The one thing that really stands out from your post is that you mention alot, that your happy when he's not there. That your Mum is like your best friend. That it's all good when her husband is not around.

Then, your Mother says the same thing.. It's all good when your not around.

It's her life now.. She's had her children, been alone for 11 years and you've had her there for 22 years to yourself pretty much or at least from 11 years of age.

Change is very difficult. She now needs to live her life. You now need to live yours with your fiance and the difficulty is is that you still love the bond with your Mother like sisters and want that to continue, maybe even need that but can't associate this other person taking that away and nor can he with you.

I think your both fighting for the same thing. Your Mother's attention.

Give them space, give you and your Fiance space and enjoy the togetherness and I bet things will calm down alot more until the day comes whereby you can live with your fiancee on your own and your Mum with her new husband on her own.

You won't lose that bond. That closeness. You will just be living your own lives which is really effectively what you both need.

CW

**sarahlee20** · 02-11-2010 03:18 PM

I try to stay away as much as possiable as because I don't like being put down or brought down by his additudes towards me. So I just hate being here. Just counting down the years until we can leave.

**sarahlee20** · 02-14-2010 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by luvtheoneurwith

Maybe you should just ignore his rude comments. When he makes them just say I am sorry you feel that way. He may feel threatened by the closeness of your Moms and your relationship, and is reacting in the only way he can. I don't feel that six months is too soon to be married, sometimes when you know you know. Remember the bigger picture is you and your Mom's relationship not yours and his. If your Mom loves him that is all that should matter. When I was your age my Parents both remarried. When my Mom decided it was time again to get married I asked her if she loved him. Because it doesn't matter if she feels shes going to be alone forever, with out love she would just end up alone again, or unhappy.

So does your Mom love him? Is she happy with her relationship? If the answers are yes than that should be all you need to support her. As long as he isn't abusive to her, just bide your time...bite your tongue...and move out ASAP. Keep in contact with Mom and remember that that is the relationship that truly matters.

another rude comment he said tonight..I was playing with my brothers step son and i was trying to play beek a boo with the little one he's 2. i thought her husband was my brother stepson.And my moms husband in a a rather nasty tone "what are you looking at?"

**sperosi** · 02-14-2010 10:25 PM

this is gonna sound cruel, ...

but from what i have read it seems like your mother jumped too quick because she didnt want to be alone.

and he doesnt work? no wonder he's unhappy when you are around! you are interfering with his free meal ticket!