Keeping Kids, (and yourself) Safe on the Internet

#1 03-12-2007, 11:40 AM

You've got to walk the line between fear and curiousity.

You want your kids on the Internet. You want them
learning, you want them making friends, you want them
exploring the world, and most of all, being safe in their
rooms.

Safe is the operative world.

After all we've learned about kiddie porn and stalkers
and perverts, we feel maybe it's safer to send the
kid to play in traffic than to surf the net.

Having researched this topic for about a year, I've
come up with some tips that can protect your kids
and you from the worst of the 'Net.

#2 03-12-2007, 11:53 AM

You have to become aware of what is out there and the
tips and tricks you can use, and then speak to your children.

Make them understand, (make yourself understand) that
a person can be anyone or anything they chose when hidden
by a keyboard.

A 56 year old bi-polar predator can claim to be a fifteen year
old boy, a twenty seven year old model, or post, at least in
the beginning, as a perfectly normal average individual.

On General Message Boards, (a topic I'll touch a bit later)
one will encounter a cross section of the public; as one
becomes more selective, the number of Nutjobs may increase
or decrease, depending on the topic.

In Chat, others have the opportunity to get closer than they
would posting in MBs, and the 'private room' chat is where
people can really get up close and personal.

Web cams can be saints or sinners.

Saints by exposing the appearance of the person on
the other end; Sinners by exposing you.

Disconnecting the cam, keeping it with you, only allowing
your child to use it in your presence is one way to prevent
too much exposure.

Further, keeping the computer out of the bedroom is another
way to monitor.

Just as most parents demand a door be left open when your
child entertains guests in his/her bedroom, so too with the
computer.

If the door is shut, that should send up an alert.

Open the door, ignore your child's demand for privacy and
ask what they are doing that needs privacy.

If the cam is on, take it away. If there is no cam, look
at the screen. If the child shuts the screen, remove the
computer.

The wisest thing is to buy a computer for 'everyone' and
put it in the front room or somewhere public. In this way,
you can see what your child is doing as you pass.

If it's noisy, get headphones.
Headphones have the extra benefit of letting you view
what the child is doing from behind him or her, while
s/he is locked into the private world.

This is YOUR child.
YOU have a DUTY to keep him or her SAFE.
Your DUTY overrides any idea of privacy.

So your first step is to Monitor what the child is doing.
This can be done by passing by periodically and glancing
at the screen.

#3 03-12-2007, 12:02 PM

The computer is not the enemy.
The Internet is not the Gate to .
Do not act as if whatever the child is doing
is probably illegal/sick etc.

When your child is on the internet, ask
for information...

"Can you find me a recipe for sour dough biscuits?"
is an easy step.

"What's the name of that Chinese Explorer who came
before Columbus?"

"Is there any news on the plane crash?"

"What does a wombat look like?"

These questions 'force' the child to see the Net
as a big book about everything.

In learning how to search, the child has given
him/herself an important tool.

You, by deferring to the child...(but let's not
be too annoying...one question a day or so.

AND SPEND TIME WITH THE CHILD GOING OVER
THE ANSWER.

It is so necessary for computing to be a Family
activity this can not be over emphasised.

When the child calls...

"Mom look at this!"

Drop everything and look at it.
If you go on as if you are not interested,
and what s/he is doing is not important,
you destroy the most precious relationship
you have.

There is no reason to create an artificial
'quality time' when you have it handed to
you.

Dinner can always be late, the bathroom
doesn't need to be cleaned this second.
The child needs you to be there...
just by calling you and wanting to share
something with you is the biggest gift
you will receive.

Go and see what it is, spend time, ask
questions, make the child know that learning
is a great thing. Be excited about it.

He may be showing you a frog with eight legs...
after your revulsion ask a question about that frog.

He might be showing you some incrediable graphics...
ask, discuss, use every second as part of the bonding
as part of the unfolding of knowledge.

If there are games, play them with the child...
computers are to bring people closer together.

#4 03-12-2007, 12:10 PM

Email accounts can be a bit too informative.
Never use your ISP address.

And guard against those which ask too much
about you.

For example, you have a yahoo account.
So you think you are protected...
yah.

You have picked a name like Flower to protect
your identity...
and I get a message from <Brittany Livack>Floweryahoo.com.

I can use white pages, google, zabasearch to learn that
Brittany Livack lives at 1406 New York Avenue, Brooklyn.

Real 'security', huh?

Better you go to somewhere like goowy which never
asks you for your real name so doesn't have it.

Get your kids this kind of 'blank' email address.

If your kids already have those 'popular' ones...have
him or her email only those they like or trust with
the new account, and leave the other alone.

If your child has joined anything using that popular
account, that means that to get information the
child has to go to the popular.

Teach your child to delete unread anything s/he
doesn't recognise.

Teach it to yourself.

Any name you don't know, even if it says...
"The information you asked for"
or
"Special Gift for..."
delete unread.

Popular email addresses become spam boxes.
Let them become spam boxes.

Teach your child to use the safe account...
and you do it as well.

#5 03-12-2007, 12:24 PM

Message Boards that ask a lot of information deserve
to be lied to.

Open an account anywhere and lie.
Lie about your real name, your real address...
for kids, they can use their real birthdays because
many sites protect kids, and need the birth day.

Here's a typical set of lies you can use

name....With Held
Address...1 Rocky Road, Brooklyn
zip code 11210
age...(truth, unless you want to lie about it)
income...(pick the lowest)
profession...(pick computer whatever)
martial status...(kids shouldn't be asked this)

Pick a user name
and a password

Anyone getting 'behind' the username meets With Held.

(other false names can be used, just lie)

Then think about why this MB needs so much information
about you.

If it is a specialised MB, if it has to do with your business,
then it falls into a different category. If it's just for fun...
hey! I'm having fun.

Or was....

#6 03-12-2007, 12:34 PM

This actually happened to me.

I joined an MB, I'll call it Alternative.

I didn't notice anything strange about it.
I entered all my information, honestly, and
began to read and make posts.

I was invited to 'Chat' and went in. Was
asked some questions in the general flow.

Subsequently I get an email at the unsecured
mailbox I had used. I didn't realise that the
mail box betrayed my real name to anyone
who sent me a message.

This creature began what is generally known
as 'stalking'.

At first I thought the remarks made, in re
what I had posted in chat was peculair...
after all he hadn't been there.

He admitted he was the owner of the MB
and he was privy to all chats.

A subsequent email using my real name,
having googled me, underlined, boldfaced,
set off in quotes, that this was a stalker of
the first level.

I blocked him, then went back into my email
account, changed everything, with the sense
of 'what a bore.'

Later, I realised to myself, what could have
been the outcome, if instead of living in Jamaica
I lived in New York.

He would have my home address, my phone number,
and could show up on my doorstep.

What if I were a child, and suddenly scared that
this guy who should know me as 'kaylar' instead
knew me by my real name?

I realised how dangerous Message Boards can
be in the hands of a stalker or mentally imbalanced
person.

Another person I had met had her home address
posted in a public forum as 'punishment'.

Hence, use care when joining message Boards.

#7 03-12-2007, 12:48 PM

The first rule of MBs is to Lurk.
Lurking is good.
Lurking is safe.

Yes, it feels like eavesdropping, but trust me, you'll
be glad you did.

Lurk on MBs where you can see and read the posts.
If you can not without joining, use a nick you may
discard, a safe email, and lurk.

Read the topics, read the responses, glance at chat,
see what's happening.

Spend at least two days lurking.

You may learn that Bozo is the 'goddess' of the
MB and can not be criticised or corrected.

You may find some awful trolls popping up to
attack posters with impunity.

You may find people off their meds.

Hence, you don't want to be there, so you leave.

If you've used your usual nick and can't delete
your account, you can make changes to render
it useless.

For example, on Alternative...

I went back on, deleted the posts I had made...
was not 'allowed' to do more than edit.
Good.
I erased everything I had posted and in it's
place typed...deleted.

I then went to my account, changed all
pertinent information, and my email to
memberwebsite.com.

I saved the information, and logged off...
this is because Alternative did not allow
me to delete my information or account.