Thread: I am having a hard time dealing with the death of a best friend to suicide

AngelMarie I hope that you have gotten some answers by now as to what is rumor and what is actually true. It's very hard when something like this happens because the media and the public jump on anything negative they possibly can. Several years after my dad died (as a result of medical malpractice, diagnosed with gallstone when in reality he was having a heart attack) I remember someone I went to school with saying "So how did your dad really die?" I was a bit caught off guard considering I had been pretty open with everyone about what happened. When I told him he said "I had heard rumor that he had committed suicide". My dad died in a hospital, was there for 14 hours....and still somehow someone managed to start a rumor that he had killed himself. Point is, you certainly can't always listen to rumors.

Now, if those rumors turn out to be true, as he must have had some reason in his mind for killing himself.........then just know that what you saw of him was real, what you knew of him was real.......you just didn't know EVERYTHING about him. And you being his friend, maybe that was the closest thing to normal he knew and I'm sure he cherished that. I know that if they turn out to be true it will be hard to deal with, but you must remember the relationship you had with him...and you must allow yourself to grieve the loss of someone you cared about, despite what he did or did not do.

When I was in college a long time friend was found on a hiking trail east of town. He had killed himself and in his note he said he couldn't handle going to jail. Apparently the day after his death he was going to be arrested for molesting a little 12year old girl. Everyone thought it was ridiculous for his friends to morn. People were saying that if he was not guilty he would not have killed himself. I saw him that night, a couple hours before he walked the long dirt path to his death. I don't know how I got through it. I was devastated I lost a good friend, despite the rumors. It was hard I walked like a Zombie to all my classes for awhile till one of my professors told me to talk to her after class. I told her about his death and what people were saying. She told me that it was OK to morn the loss of his memory. I had no tie in the crime he committed, if he did, and what he did was selfish but he had his reason for doing it. He has left hurt, and sorrow behind him and that if he he died any other way people would be morning him, and not saying bad things about him. People just don't know how to handle the fact that it was suicide. When a person dies of natural causes or something other than suicide, and they find that person had crimes pending against them they become victims of circumstances. They become the "poor guy had no other choice than to live that way" person. This is because they knew how he died, why he died and they understand it better. Suicide is not something people understand. Their talk is their way of coping, it is their way of releasing their anger for what he did, their sorrow for what they don't understand. All in all she told me it was OK for me to cry, it was Ok for me to take a time out and morn the loss of my good friend. So I pass this to you. It is Ok to cry, Ok to morn, OK to memorialize the loss of your friend. Those people who are saying bad things have misplaced anger and that is OK. Let them morn in their way. They may never understand his choice to end his life, but they do know that it hurts. So yes it is Ok to cry!