My sister went on and on that Mom will be dead soon and the house sold, so I need to just pack up and move out now. I am trying to get my mom home and better, and all she is concerned with is money!I got Mom to a lawyer to do a living trust and I have Power of Attorney now. Mom is leaving me the house so my sister can't do anything about that. But so far My sister and niece do not know anything about it yet. I have not told them. They still think Mom has no will..Her husband already called one night and threatened to kill my dog if I had him at the house when my niece was there to take care of Mom. I have had to leave him at my boyfriends everyday
That's you whole problem.But I know if I told them that this is now MY House and I want them OUT--World War 3 will begin.
I know my sister and my niece do have a right to see Mom, but I wish there was a way I could restrict it somehow.
I am the one making all the medical, financial and personal decisions for Mom. All my sister and niece are doing is adding to my stress level every day! Each day I find things missing, ruined, destroyed, opened, emptied etc--all courtesy of my niece.
Your "family" see in their eyes, that when your Mother passes away, it's 50/50.. The house will be sold and as she had two daughter, both will recieve...
They are not aware that you have organised to be Power of Attorney, nor that your / or you have organised a will, whereby you receive everything.
What will happen with Mum dies, I don't even want to think about when that all comes out.
They are sharing some of the responsibilities, however, I think they detect your intentions, just don't know that you've already done it, and therefore, still claim it's your Mother's house not yours, so you shouldn't be locking doors in her house etc.
But the responsibilities they are sharing in my opinion is all about receiving at the end of it, when she passes, not because they want to persay, given that they want money to take care of her.
And, I think unforutnately this is a common family sibling rift when a Mother or Father, last remaining is going through the end of their life.
Just keep caring as you do and care for yourself, and try to keep your chin up. I am worried about your dog, given their constant demands on that, so try to keep the peace there, you don't want anything happening to your "baby"...
I also suspect that they will contest the will, when the time comes and claim she wasn't of sound mind at the time so be aware that that may occur.
I understand that your trying to get her into care full time, so that you can just live without all of this stress and wish you well on that journey.
But ultimtately, you've hidden behind their back, that you've had her sign the house over to you... I hope that you actually consider just because you didn't get on with your sister, that your Mother had two children and in reality, your sister should still receive something when that time comes... Morally.. off course.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I just can't see where they are sharing any responsibilities with me in regards to Mom. My sister does ZIPPO. My niece and her minion eat all the food I buy, sometimes they might fix something for Mom, but not usually. They do their own laundry using the detergent I buy, go thru everything in the house, etc. They sit and watch movies sometimes while mom sleeps in her chair. I can't have the mail delivered to my own home because they go thru it. They get mom late to any doctor appt she has, so I end up having to take time off work to take her now to all appts.
How is any of that sharing responsibilities???
And then this past weekend Mom and I discovered quite a lot of cash that she had in her dresser drawers is now gone. She always had cash in there for emergencies and things. Before her stroke, she had at least 4 envelopes filled with cash. Now there is ONE! So when she has been at the adult day care these last 3 Tuesdays, the spawn and minion have been coming over and now I know why--they have been stealing money from her.
So I have a very very hard time feeling like they are helping in any possible way in Mom's recovery!!!!
But what can I do--I can't change the locks because Mom says she enjoys their company, and she wants to deny they must have done it. Plus she does not want to make anyone upset or angry. All I can do is lock up all the remaining valuables so they can't get to them.
I keep my baby boy at my boyfriends since I can't trust the spawn and minion anywhere near him. I hate it because he is all alone during the day, except when I go there at lunch to let him go outside. He wants to see his Grandma, but he can't because of THEM! Yeah, they are a real help alright!!! All they have done is cause trouble!!!
My sister could have taken Mom to a lawyer at any time. But she does not want to spend any money-she would rather I did, then she can complain about it. With everything--she has openly said that she wants me to handle all the dirty work--doctors, etc all the while she sits and criticizes everything I do.
So I took Mom to a lawyer before she did. I was not in the room when they discussed the terms of the trust. I sat in the waiting room. I should not be accused of manipulating anything since I was not even in the room when all decisons were made. All I did was make the appt, drive Mom there and pay for it.
At the time Mom did the living trust, she told me to not say anything to my sister--that it was really none of her business. So I was trying to abide by Mom's wishes. It is a fine line between doing what Mom asks, and telling them everything so they will stop harassing and attacking me.
When My dad died, my sister wanted nothing to do with Mom and I for over 13 years. We were not invited to any holiday functions or anything. We were only allowed to take Christmas presents over on Christmas eve and stay for a quick cup of tea, but then we had to leave. It was just a few years ago, that she suddenly invited us over--but it was mainly because she was inviting all her neighbors too and she wanted to put on a act like we were this loving close family. As soon as a neighbor was not in the room, she would ignore us.
So I do have a hard time with people saying morally she is entitled to anything of Mom's. It was Mom's decision to leave her what she did. If it was up to me, she would get NOTHING since she has never cared at all about Mom EVER!!!! But Mom wants to leave her something and she is.
I see people like Bill Gates and they are leaving nothing or barely anything to their children. So why is it that just because you give birth to someone you are "morally obligated" to leave them everything when you are gone-even if they hate your guts??? That just does not seem right to me.
I don't want Mom in a full time facility. She is very capable of being at home. She just needs the socialization that she is missing now that she isn't working. I have her going to the adult day care once a week and I want her to go more. That is what I am working on with her right now--she is stubborn!!
I just bought a bunch of flash cards this weekend and was working with her on them. I told her we are going to do them every day. I am trying everything I can to get her brain stimulated so she can recover!!
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