Alzheimer's is affecting my family

**Isabellacat** · 03-22-2010 12:44 PM

I decided to write this thread after much thought. As some of you may know I've already been stressing out over my brother's recent disappearance. Just last week I have found out something just as devastating.My older sister in Florida called me up on my birthday and I got to speak to my grandparents (they raised me). I noticed something different about my grandpa this time around and it was really difficult making a conversation with him. Sounded like he was having trouble trying to speak and he kept asking me who I am and where I live. It was'nt until later on I was texting my aunt on my cell phone that she told me that my grandpa has alzheimer's disease

.
I feel very devastated already by my brother being missing and now this news. Lately these things have sent me into a deep depression. I feel helpless,I wish there was something I can do. I've noticed my grandpa being forgetful before but this time it's different. I feel really bad.

**luvtheoneurwith** · 03-22-2010 01:56 PM

That is a bad disease. It might help you deal with it if you went to the national Alzheimer's website. There are support groups in all areas of the world to help those that are coping or trying to cope with this debilitating disease. You will be able to meet and talk with people who know what you are going through and ways that helped them get through it. The best thing that I found-while working at a lock down unit-that families did was remember them. Holding on to their memories is the best thing you can do for some one who is suffering from this disease. He may not know you but you know him. Talk to him as you normally would. Remember that he may be altered in the brain but he still is your grandpa, and he still loves you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-23-2010 01:26 AM

Izzy, I am so sorry you still haven't heard any news, truly I am and we are thinking of you.

You know though? When something horrible happens, other things come to light that otherwise, would not have bothered you, or a person....

Now you see this as another disaster and it's not, it's life, it's old age and it's what it is.....

Please stay strong okay?

You were going through some fantastic changes for you.... You were finally finding you.... keep doing that, your brother would want you too, he'd tell you too.. Your Grandfather as well....

With your strength .... well.... it's strength against things that can't be changed in life.

Thinking of you.

CW

**LanaBear** · 03-23-2010 09:59 PM

My hubby's grandma passed and had Alzheimers BAD. It was to the point where she pretty much forgot to eat. It was one of the most heart wrenching experiences the last time we saw her. It really is very sad.

My granny is getting there, I think. She has the early symptoms that hubby's grandma had. Only time will tell.

It's hard to be strong, but be thankful for all the time you have been able to spend with him.

**Isabellacat** · 03-23-2010 10:03 PM

Thanks CW and thanks Luvtheoneurwith(i'm actually going to look into the alzheimer's forums soon)...and thanks Lana(just caught your post now)

You have a point CW....life just happens & alot of times you can't control what's happening. I have'nt seen my grandparents in a very longtime also. Last time I saw my grandpa he was walking around on his own,could hold a whole conversation with him,but now all this time has went by and hearing about him lately just breaks my heart. Actually he's more than a grandfather to me,he's really my dad because he raised me. He was the one who was there for me all the time and now I feel so awful,I feel helpless trying to be there for him because they live so far away now,they live in Florida. I really think I should go visit them but I have alot of my own problems I need to get out of the way first. Money problems etc.

Eventually I'll find my way back there but I know it's not going to be very easy seeing how he's changed.

**sperosi** · 03-25-2010 06:18 AM

Izzy,

I am so sorry for you

I know exactly what you are going through. My mom is 78 and has had Alzheimers/sundowning for at least the last 10 years, and has gotten progressively worse. about 5 years ago she completely stopped recognizing me, and when asked about her children started rattling off the names of her siblings.

i know just how heartbreaking it must be for you. just try to remember that he loved you, and cant control what is happening to him.

**Isabellacat** · 10-15-2010 11:33 PM

Still dealing with this very heavily at the moment.

Last time I tried to speak with my Grandfather it was very,very difficult. It's to the point where he can't speak a full sentence.

I feel completely utterly devastated by this. One of the reasons why I have'nt posted much on this site is because I am having a real hard time trying to process that the person so close to me that I've grown up with is'nt the same anymore.

I feel very very helpless. There's nothing I can do but express how I feel right now and to be honest I don't feel it's getting me anywhere but sinking in a deeper hole of depression.

My aunt has been down in Orlando taking care of my grandpa because my dad was in the hospital last few weeks due to internal bleeding from an ulcer. I spoke to my mom today and she does'nt agree with my aunt alot. My aunt posted a recent picture of my grandfather on her Facebook and it clearly shows he is not well. My mom told me today that was'nt right of my aunt to do. I feel I agree with her. My aunt's very weird but I also know she's always upfront about things and honest. Knowing my grandpa tho, I know for a fact if he had a say he would'nt allow that picture to be aired. I never ever seen him with a full mustache before. I know my grandpa, he was always clean shaven and told me while growing up that he does'nt like having a moustache yet my aunt takes a picture of him like that. Was that wrong of her?

Aunt's on my Facebook too. alot of times I feel like taking her off my friend's list. She's a religious nut and has always been very critical of me.

As far as my grandpa goes, I LOVE HIM.Always will. I've been crying so much more lately because of this. At the same time I feel I have to take care of myself for him. Just wish I can be there for him,but they are so far away.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-16-2010 02:40 AM

Hey Issy

Firstly, imagine going through pain and suffering, your grandfather, can't recall things moments after, if I were to die, I would like to die that way, or as my grandmother did, after seeing all her family and hearing I love you from all and falling asleep and never waking up...

Don't feel helpless.. He's in your heart and your in his ok.. .Don't get depressed... it happens and there is nothing we can do when our time is up..

I think you should appeal to your Aunt, and let her know that it's affected you... That you are aware that facebook is for family and friends but your grandfather wouldn't in your opinion want people to see him that way..

You are correct my sweet, would he also want you to be hurting, depressed, crying? No way... He'd want you to be strong, and get out there and make something of yourself...

Your there for him in spirit and in your heart, he knows that.

CW

**Isabellacat** · 10-19-2010 03:02 AM

Hi CW!

well I really don't know how to tell my aunt tho. My aunt has always been about "her way or the highway". We had a really bad falling out back in 2006. When I was homeless around that time she made a promise to me to take care of some of my belongings at her place while I was in the shelter. One day we disagreed about something through the emails. She took it very harshly and ended up destroying most of my meaningful possessions,which included alot of my old artwork. So one day during 2006 my ex boyfriend drove me by her place to try to get the rest of my things but she would'nt let me in her house. I even ended up calling the cops but they were'nt able to do anything about it on the spot because my things happened to be on her property.

So we had'nt contacted eachother in almost 4 years until last March one of my cousins came by to visit me (my cousin also has a bad relationship with my aunt,her mom) and told me her mom felt sorry for what she did and wanted to talk to me again. So I ended up adding her friend request on my Facebook. Ever since she's been on my list I have'nt really expressed myself on my own wall lately. She always treated me like I'm the black sheep of the family. And then last weekend she posts that recent picture of my grandpa. Really shocked me and really made me cry when I looked at that. Like I said I told my mom about that and my mom does'nt agree with my aunt. So I really don't know how to tell my aunt that I don't like her posting personal stuff on her wall because she might flip out again.

I feel depressed because all of this has been really sudden. It was'nt too long ago that I spoke to my grandpa and he sounded okay. I keep thinking about our last normal conversation. I made my grandpa laugh because I told him over the phone he sounded young(I always said that to cheer him up cos everytime I asked him how he was doing he'd say "Oh I'm just getting older" so then I 'd say but you sound soo young still!). And then he kept asking me when I'll come by to visit. I still want to visit them but they are far away,and when I became homeless 6 years ago I've become estranged with my aunt who is taking care of them now.

I feel I should have never left my grandparents in Florida,but at the time I wanted to be more independent . I was'nt happy down there. Just never thought alzheimer's would ever be in my family. I knew my grandpa was always forgetful but I never thought things would turn out like this. And these past 10 years went by really quick. At the same time I wish they had never moved so far away. My grandparents raised me in California and when they decided when I was 18 to move to Florida I knew that was going to change things very drastic . It was my dad's idea to move them down there too because houses down there are "cheaper". I wish they had never moved down there. I wish they were still close by.

I guess all I can do is just move on with my life. I can't deny all of this is very painful tho.

**Isabellacat** · 10-19-2010 03:02 AM

Hi CW!

well I really don't know how to tell my aunt tho. My aunt has always been about "her way or the highway". We had a really bad falling out back in 2006. When I was homeless around that time she made a promise to me to take care of some of my belongings at her place while I was in the shelter. One day we disagreed about something through the emails. She took it very harshly and ended up destroying most of my meaningful possessions,which included alot of my old artwork. So one day during 2006 my ex boyfriend drove me by her place to try to get the rest of my things but she would'nt let me in her house. I even ended up calling the cops but they were'nt able to do anything about it on the spot because my things happened to be on her property.

So we had'nt contacted eachother in almost 4 years until last March one of my cousins came by to visit me (my cousin also has a bad relationship with my aunt,her mom) and told me her mom felt sorry for what she did and wanted to talk to me again. So I ended up adding her friend request on my Facebook. Ever since she's been on my list I have'nt really expressed myself on my own wall lately. She always treated me like I'm the black sheep of the family. And then last weekend she posts that recent picture of my grandpa. Really shocked me and really made me cry when I looked at that. Like I said I told my mom about that and my mom does'nt agree with my aunt. So I really don't know how to tell my aunt that I don't like her posting personal stuff on her wall because she might flip out again.

I feel depressed because all of this has been really sudden. It was'nt too long ago that I spoke to my grandpa and he sounded okay. I keep thinking about our last normal conversation. I made my grandpa laugh because I told him over the phone he sounded young(I always said that to cheer him up cos everytime I asked him how he was doing he'd say "Oh I'm just getting older" so then I 'd say but you sound soo young still!). And then he kept asking me when I'll come by to visit. I still want to visit them but they are far away,and when I became homeless 6 years ago I've become estranged with my aunt who is taking care of them now.

I feel I should have never left my grandparents in Florida,but at the time I wanted to be more independent . I was'nt happy down there. Just never thought alzheimer's would ever be in my family. I knew my grandpa was always forgetful but I never thought things would turn out like this. And these past 10 years went by really quick. At the same time I wish they had never moved so far away. My grandparents raised me in California and when they decided when I was 18 to move to Florida I knew that was going to change things very drastic . It was my dad's idea to move them down there too because houses down there are "cheaper". I wish they had never moved down there. I wish they were still close by.

I guess all I can do is just move on with my life. I can't deny all of this is very painful tho.