homesick

**whit4488** · 03-24-2010 05:42 PM

so let me begin telling you my story. back in december of 2009 i ended a horrible 4 year relationship/engagement. he was verbally abusive at times and very immature. i got the nerve to finally leave when i reunited with my now, new fiance. im going to be 22 years old, i know im young, and especially to be engaged twice. i finally feel like i really am finding who i am, i think my new relationship has really taught me alot about myself and what i want from my life and my future. i love my fiance very dearly, he is so good to me. but after i ended the 4 year relationship, i wanted to focus on ME, and when i met Nick, my current fiance, I figured i could do both, be with him and get my life going in the direction i wanted it. well i think im coming to realize i was wrong. Nick wasnt/isn't where I would want him to be in his life at this point. I know were both very young, but Im a mature woman not thinking about partying and drinking (its not my style) i want someone who is mature, financially stable, and is responsible and intelligent(dont we all want our prince charming) well Nick is mine, except he doesnt quite have his (edit) together. I love him dearly, but im beginning to feel like im having to teach him to crawl in a sense. anyway, i lived in virginia my whole life, and just moved up to new jersey to be with him. It's ok up here, except we dont have a car and have to walk everywhere. Before i met him, i was in a career(that i hated) but made decent money for myself at my age, and had a car and good friends. I dont want to end my relationship/engagement, I just feel like maybe I need a vacation back home to virginia to clear my head. I have been with nick everyday since we've been together, i dont have time to myself and im scared i might just be scared of being ALONE. i want to be honest with myself, i dont want to make excuses. I just want to make sure im doing things for the right reasons. I thought i was following my heart, but now that im here, I want to be back home....with or without nick. im homesick...help

**LanaBear** · 03-24-2010 07:47 PM

I really think you need some alone time.

If I read this right, you just ended a 4 year abusive relationship in Dec '09, 4 months ago, but are now engaged to another man? Sweetie, I really think you jumped in with both feet here and maybe you are now questioning that move and would like to take a slight step back.

I don't think an abusive long term relationship is something that is pushed in the past too quickly. Go home, take a small vacation and pull your thoughts together. I think you do need some space, some time to go back to focusing on you.

You deserve much better than what you've had in the past, you know this, but take your time getting there, there's no hurry.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2010 01:54 AM

Sweet, you have things on your mind apart from commitment to a man, your life.

You know what you want out of life and you will be heck bent on getting it.

They say a man is 4yrs mentally junior to a woman, that's a fact.

It's natural for a man to find a woman who is secure in herself, has a life and wants things in life as well as probably outgoing, to find that a perfect match..

But, if they're mentality are not at your level, then perhaps, you have to view this.

Do what your gut tells you... It's not all about being engaged and feeling safe, it's also about knowing who you are, and him accepting that and you both being in tune with each other, 100% where marriage is concerned..

CW

**p3375** · 03-25-2010 02:11 AM

You moved from Virginia to Jersey?? Is that even legal?

Just kiddin, dear. Yes, listen to your intuition - it's telling you the truth. That's often not what we want to hear and isn't easy to act on, but is much better for us to believe than some rosy fantisy.

Come on back to Virginnee, girl - take a break, enjoy the beautiful weather an get some perspective.
P

**sperosi** · 03-25-2010 06:15 AM

you are too young to have been engaged twice for real, especially if the first one broke up in december.

i am not trying to sound mean, but this sounds like a very hard rebound, but it also seems like you might be beginning to see it.

you should go home for at least a vacation/break. i'd really suggest tha you just move back home, and take things a lot slower than you have. if this relationship between you two is supposed to happen, it will.

anything rushed is generally something not well developed.

**whit4488** · 03-25-2010 06:06 PM

thanks for all the advice, it really has helped. i talked to my man lastnight about this issue and these feelings and he also agrees and wants me to go home and take a vacation. he's just afraid of losing me. i want to be with him without a doubt, he is so wonderful to me and is really everything i want in a companion for life. i think he needs to get his life going more in the direction he wants his to go and same for me. we came to a mutual understanding, and when we get the money i will be headed back to va for a visit.

**whit4488** · 04-24-2010 10:19 PM

ok to update things. im moving the end of may back home. he is staying up here and were going to try the long distance thing. i feel like if were meant to be this will just make us stronger. i feel like im coming to the point in my life where im having all these epiphanys, i just need to SLOW down and not rush thru things. I want to make a major career change, lose weight and build my confidence back up again. Back in august of 2009 i was diagnosed with HPV, and i was in a terrible relationship at the time where i was extremely depressed and had put on so much weight. so i just became so insecure, in which i still am, but my man now is soo wonderful to me and makes me want to be a happier and better person. he is so understanding and we are both going to terribly miss each other, but we have a lot we want to work on with OURSELVES, to even improve our relationship(tho i must say it doesnt need much work). im moving in with a girlfriend and basically starting all over from scratch. as long as i have the support of my friends and family and him, i know i can get thru this depression and come out on top of things.

**Yvee** · 04-25-2010 07:52 PM

I know what homesick feels like... I changed countries 3 times in the last 4 years and one of those countries I can't come back to (don't have a visa anymore), but regardless.
I think you should tell him that you are homesick and want to go home and see your friends and family! If he is as great as you are saying that he is, then he'll understnad that you have just went through a couple of huge changes (ending a relationship you've been in for a long time AND moving to a completely new place where you don't know anyone or anything).
Either way, I always found that it is better to be honest then to make excuse to get out and clear your head... communication is the most important thing in any relationship, without it, it doesn't matter how much we love someone...the relationship just can't work!

**whit4488** · 04-26-2010 04:26 PM

he is very understanding, and was very supportive of my decision to go. were going to miss each other dearly, its so hard to bare the thought of not being next to him or seeing him for who knows how long, when weve seen each other everyday for 4 months straight. i broke the news to his mother yesterday that i was leaving and she went crazy on me, I MEAN PYSCHO... she said that when your in a serious relationship or engaged to be married that person is the MOST important person in your life, not your family. and we were fighting back and forth, she said if i left then i dont love him at all and that you have to get thru hard times together... this woman is the most heartless, insecure depressed woman ive ever met. because her life sucks, she wants me to struggle, when things could be better back at home. i dont think so, i was so emotional yesterday because im never been so attacked by anyone in my life. now it makes me want to get out of here even sooner...

**Yvee** · 04-26-2010 10:54 PM

What can I say, Good luck!
Its amazing when you get to start over... Sometimes I wish I could!

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