Step-Dad
Hi everyone! I'm a step dad of two daughters. One is 14 and the other is 10. I have been married with my wife for three years now and been together with her for seven years now. We do have a one year old baby boy is child together, the joy of my life.
I'm still faced with the problem of my wife and step-daughters basically feeling like i'm the outsider. Disciplining the 14 year old daughter her in there has taking a serious toll on my family. Disciplining has never intaled coporal punishment, just simple things like turn down the television.
I guess my question to everyone out there is why is it so hard for my wife to understand that we have to have a united front when dealing with the kids? I know how it is to have a biological child and wanting to protect them, but once your married there should be a level of trust. I love my wife, but i'm afraid that someday her munipulating daughters will be our down fall. I can't sit back and let them disrespect me. So if anyone with experience has so insite on how to handle these situations i would really appreciate it.
It is great that you are aware of these problems, maybe you need to seek family counselling i think it would be great if you could tell your wife how you feel, and that you would like help with this. we often get the other side of the story on here, that is women upset because their husbands dont accept their children - good luck.
I have spoken with my wife, but she feels like she is in the middle and don't want to choose. I have also started family counseling. It helps a little but not enough so I figured let me solicit some ideas and past experiences from ya'll.
Thanks happy ending!
Definitely a sticky situation... I had a step dad, but we got a long very well. IMO, your wife needs to be united with you in disciplining. Yeah, so, she doesn't want to take sides, but YOU are also a parent in your family and the parents need to stick together. Even if you don't always agree on the discipline, hubby and I don't always agree, but we will discuss our disagreement away from the kids.
I'm assuming she's going to counseling with you, because if she isn't, she really needs too.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Yes, she is going to counseling also. I don't think that she gets it though. I understand that she wants to protect her daughters. I just find it amazing that she doesn't trust judgements.
What really sucks is that we now have agruements over her daughters behavior. Sex is now becoming a problem and she deals with it with the silent treatment. Her daughters see that and feel like they have won (manipulation). She sometimes leave our room and goes and sleeps with them. Crazy! They know they have the power to create this turmoil between me and there mom. It's not right! I know counseling is recommended but how else would you deal with this? I have spoke to my wife about the negative affects of her behavior but she feels justified. Should i just disengage and give her to silent treatment also?
I don't because then it's them against me. Help!
I feel for you and I wish there was an easy solution. She's letting them get the upper hand and it's not right. Crossing my fingers that counseling works for the both of you and she will see where you are coming from soon.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Ok, Thanks LanaBear!
it sounds more like the problem is your wife's way of coping with problems, in that she shuts you out and doesnt want to be involved in controlling her children's behaviour, would you agree with me or have i got a poor understanding of things?? does she want to be more of a friend than a mother?
Well, cudos to you for bein there and working on it. No easy answers, an just wait 'til the 10 year old hits puberty! We girls can be a real beatch, esp when the hormone tidal wave comes along. I know I was "heall on wheels" when I hit. As Red Skelton used to say: "God bless an good luck!"
P
Have the two of you sat down and discussed discipline? Do you have an understanding and an agreement as to what page you are on with discipline? If you don't agree there, she will always take their side, even if they were your kids.
Maybe it would be helpful to sit down and actually write out a list of rules and consequences so it's in black and white. Then it's not subjective at the time when you two need to be united.
She is undermining your respect and it will eventually drive a wedge between you. I really feel for you. Do you ever spend time with just the girls? It may help if you have some sort of parent relationship with them outside of your son and their mother. Maybe you could have one day a month or every other weekend that you take them just the 3 of you to do something fun. Skiing, go carts, the mall and movie. Something that would take several hours. Lunch and thrift store shopping. Anyway, you get the idea.
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