My parents are still young and I hope that I wouldn't have to face this situation for some time. However, from the height of my "many" years and "loads" of experience I would probably leave alone. Why do you feel like you need your husband to move with you? This is a family emergency and you HAVE to go, it isn't a "lets talk about it matter". You said it yourself he promised to move with you and now he is rethinking it, well now you should try to make arrangements so that you could help your parents without hurting your marriage.
To be honest I wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't want allow me to help my family. If he doesn't want to uproot his life, that's fine. But I would go and help and maybe he can do the back and forth thing.
Why doesn't he have any contact with his parents? Maybe this is the root of it..
If you both were to go, can you imagine also the time and effort you will put in, and how tired you will be and how your relationship will be effected by all of it as well, perhaps he's scared?
I do agree that care is the best thing, and visits and telephone calls and being there when they need you as you also have to live your life, whilst still loving and caring for them.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
To me it sounds like your hubby is being insensitive and immature, and his inability to understand this situation may come from his relationship (or lack there of) with his own family.
These are human lives we're talking about, and he can't inconvenience himself temporarily to help you out? Wow.
How would he feel if years from now he became ill and his children couldn't help him out because their partners didn't understand the responsibilities of family?
I feel strongly about this because I too am an only child and for a long time now have been aware of my eventual responsibilities towards my parents. I'm all they've got.
To me the choice would be clear in this situation. Inconvenience your husband and help your parents out, when the time comes. We're talking about annoyance from your husband's end versus eventual death of your parents - one of these seems more important than the other.
Once you marry, you marry the family of your spouse.
You are obviously a loving daughter and have the best interest of your parents in mind. It's also a very stressful undertaking to do it alone. If your husband isn't available or willing to help you, then he's not a very supportive person.... however, on the flip side, it's not necessarily fair to uproot the life that you've built together to undertake such a task, and a task that is so mulitfaceted that you may not be able to handle without other supervision.... I really think that being proactive in looking for a facility that's both close to you and can accommodate both of their needs is the best for all parties involved.
It's not selfish of you to do so, and it's possible that it will allow your parents to live longer and healthier lives.
Update* First, thanks, everyone, for your input.
We talked, and he said that when he said he would move, he really thought he could do it, but that he's really unhappy about the area we would be moving to.
And he has other concerns and worries that are completely valid. So as easy as it would be to try and make him the 100% bad guy, he isn't. He said he hadn't expressed himself very well as he was upset.
So, where we are is...he said he will move for me if it comes down to it, but he'd like me to hang in where we are a little longer. And I guess that's reasonable, since there is no immediate "smoking gun", if you will, right now with my folks. I think you are right, Pretzel.
CW, he doesn't have any contact with his family because they are walking nightmares. They make choices we don't want to have anything to do with.
I'm glad.
It's funny, because sometimes the questions in our minds, are speculation. They're based on a comment, that sometimes can only be answered by the person who commentedIn which case, this was the case.
I asked about his family, because I thought maybe that had something to do with the reason why he didn't want to return... His Mother being close by and yet, no contact with his family and it still may play a little in that. For now he's away from all of that.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
That's actually a big part of it I'm sure, even though he doesn't talk about it. If/when he move, he will be in close proximity to them, which will probably bring he doesn't want to deal with, and doesn't have to deal with currently, back to the forefront. I don't blame him for that, because they are all a mess. And it is REALLY nice to not have them in our lives.
I'm glad that you had a conversation with him about it. You're totally rational, by the way. It's a sticky situation, but you're approaching it in a good way.
Best of luck! It'll turn out well for everyone. At least you're getting on the same page.
"Slow and steady wins the race" - right?
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