I hate certain fiance's relatives.

**stressed** · 05-07-2010 05:11 PM

So there are these relatives of fiance's relatives I dislike and can't stand being around to. They make me feel insecure (safety-wise), I don't agree with what they do and they are not the kind of people I can hold a conversation with.
We've been invited to a party that's going to take place in a month and they are going to be there, at least they were last year when the same party took place.

They drink a lot and do stupid things when they are drunk. One of them took a pair of scissors and cut off somebody's beard "for fun". He serious threatened another guy that he'd beat him up if he'd try to do the same to him. They are very loud, rude, and "funny" in a way I find disgusting. They jokingly push guys around (they are HUGE), talk badly about them and say it's just for fun.

Now I'm invited to such a party again, leaving in 10 mins, but my fiance is not coming along as he had to work (I'm very glad for it). Last year one of them jokingly pushed my fiance and asked him to fight him, but nothing happened. If he would have started anything, I swear, I'd hit him in the head with an object. I don't care if he thinks it's funny or not, I find such behaviour disgusting and disrespectful. They are not blood-related relatives to my fiance but they are there are once/twice a year family parties and we don't talk with them during the rest of the year. There's also his ex who is always possible she will show up during such parties, which I also want to avoid as we never talk with her.

I hate going to such events. I hate feeling uncomfortable around these guys. I don't want to have any relation with them just because they are brothers of someone in my fiance's family. I don't know how to approach this. I know we only get to see them once or twice a year at family parties, but they cause trouble and everyone thinks it's alright to behave like an idiot. I don't, it makes me angry.

**stressed** · 05-07-2010 05:28 PM

Told them I'm staying home and not going to the party, even if it's somebody's birthday. Better be rude than having to deal with these guys. I really want no relation with those people.

**KMonte85** · 05-07-2010 05:47 PM

I was actually just going to suggest that, Stressed!

If these neanderthals are only at one or two family parties a year, then how about you and/or your fiance avoid those specific parties and attend the others where the bruts won't be? Is that possible?

I figure, why in the world subject yourself to that amount of ridiculousness. A party is supposed to be a fun social gathering, so if its not fun, and you'd rather not be social with the people there, what's the point in going? Say you're sorry, but you've got something going on that day and can't make it, but will catch up with the rest of the fam at the next get-together!

**stressed** · 05-07-2010 06:25 PM

Thank you.

I sent a text to my fiance's brother (we were supposed to go together) saying I felt too tired to party and talk much with people and I have already spent 2 hours at my neighbour's as she invited me for coffee (which was both true and also not a bad excuse).

Now, how to avoid next month's party... I'll tell my fiance that I don't want to go because I don't feel good and don't have fun at those parties. He will say that we can't isolate ourselves from people (he's said so before), that it will be nice (even if neither of us had fun the last time) and that some times we must do things we don't really want to (I disagree). If he really wants to go he can go by himself. If he wants to be ridiculed by such guys or even meet his ex (which he does not want to) then it will be his decision, but I don't have to be there just because.

It's his brother-in-law's brothers who make this mess and his sister is the one who likes partying and throwing parties at her place, so they're the only people who throw family & friends parties. But we do visit his sister and parents often throughout the year, go there for Xmas and Easter, birthdays at his parents' place etc. It's just parties at his sister's I want to avoid, as she invites all her friends, her husband's siblings (the brutes and fiance's ex) that I really don't feel as if I belong there.

My fiance only wants to go because his sister invited him, but he doesn't enjoy it either even if he doesn't say so in those words. I'm just not a party person, at least not when there are idiots around and barely any people I can or want to talk with. If they like to party, fine, but why invite everyone just to make themselves look popular for? They hardly talk with me in the first place and the sister only started inviting my fiance to such things now, that he's in a relationship. Before me she only asked him over to take care of her kids when she went to party with her husband.

I don't know, maybe I'm closed minded, but I don't approve people who party almost weekly and ask everyone to baby-sit their children so that they can go out and drink. I've tried to be closer to his sister before, but she never answers emails, or calls home (always calls fiance's cell phone), or only asks for my help with her computer. She's closer to the ex than me, no matter how much I've tried. So, inviting me today to her husband's birthday (via her other brother, not directly) only seems hypocritical to me since she's not going to talk with me anyway.

Ah, I'm just rambling here, sorry!

**KMonte85** · 05-07-2010 06:36 PM

Yeah, I think you're doing what's right for you in this instance. You already know they're going to be there, to add insult to injury the ex might show up and the hosts are too busy to acknowledge to showed up to their party anyway. So why even go? I bet you could think up a million things that would be time better spent...

I like the idea that you put your foot down on this one with the fiance. Like you said, if he's a glutton for punishment, then he can go on his own. But you've got no real relationship with the people at that party, and its not so much an important event, just a get-together, so you aren't missing any special family moments. As for "isolating yourself", well I think all the other parties, holidays, get-togethers you go to are more than enough to make sure you aren't isolating yourself from the family. Not going to one party isn't going to hurt, especially when the possibility of getting hurt is actually if you DO go! Sheesh... who wants to party with people like that?

It's one thing if someone has too much and gets a little out of hand once, but every time? I sure wouldn't invite people like that to my home again! But then again, to each their own I suppose!