"mommy dearest"

**am_1986** · 05-09-2010 02:09 PM

Happy Mother's Day Ladies

Ever since I can remember my mother has been unjust with me. I remember her hitting me for the most random things. Now she is worse but without the physical abuse it's more verbal now. I am a grown woman of 23 with my own life but I cannot help wanting the love my mother has never shown me. I never remember her giving me one real heart felt hug. The times that she has hugged me were pretty much forced. I have tried to talk to her about why she is the way she is, but in her book she is the only one wit the reason. I am the one with the problem and attitude according to her. Ant to top it off her and my father always let my child do whatever he wants so when he is with them he is extremely disrespectful to me and even hits me. He is 6 years old but I remember at his age I already knew what was right and wrong. Although kids now a days have a lot more freedom. My boyfriend tells me not to give my mom so much impotance and that I only needed my son's approval, but I can't help but be sad that she does'nt care. what to do?? please help!!!

:

**grrrr** · 05-09-2010 10:14 PM

I don't have children, so I shouldn't even post on this thread.... however, I think that it's perfectly acceptable for you to put your foot down when it comes to your son being rude and MEAN to you - in any circumstance....

As for your mother - parents are strange beings. They're people too.... just strange alter-people that we can't always understand. I'd say stay away from her, and don't let your son be influenced by her.

I know that's mean, especially on the day after "Mother's Day" - but save yourself.

**am_1986** · 05-10-2010 08:23 PM

Thanks for the advice.
I think I will do that , they didn't even wish me Happy Mother's Day!!
When I called her she had a "whatever" attitude. And I have not heard from them all day! It does make me sad but at the same time it's relief not to be having my phone ringing 24/7 and hearing how I'm not a good mother.

o well I hope they can come to their senses..

**Mes T** · 05-10-2010 08:31 PM

Hey there. Sorry for the way your mom treated you. Some women never get that "mother's instinct," and maybe that's what happened with her. It's also hard for parents to admit to their children that they were wrong. I know mine have never admitted mistakes to me, even though they were clear as day. I'm 23 now too and whenever my mother does something that bothers me, I know that the best thing I can do for everyone involved is to ignore it. It sucks, being the bigger person all the time, but it really is for the best.

As for your son, I don't think you need HIS approval. HE needs YOUR approval! That's how kids are motivated to behave well and respect their parents. While your son is still young, I think it's really important to maybe modify your approach in a way that will eliminate that behavior that you mentioned.

And... here's an internet hug. *******HUGGGGSSSSSS********

**BasketCase** · 05-10-2010 11:01 PM

I see that you were 16 when you had your son. I am sorry sweetie I know that must have been difficult for you. Especially with an unsupportive mother.

That said. I agree with Mes T. Some women don't have what it takes to be parents. But you will learn from this and do your child right.

**Mes T** · 05-11-2010 05:19 PM

In that case I'm glad ya found us, we're here for you sweetheart

Edit: Oh.. that was supposed to go below your posts am_1986!

**am_1986** · 05-11-2010 11:06 PM

Thanks so much that really livens up my day! With finals week and my mother to deal with it's so frustrating.

I also feel that way! She acts like a child and will not grow up! I am the grown-up when it comes to my parents-geesh!

I am trying my best to get my son in the right path and it is not easy but I don't give up

**am_1986** · 05-11-2010 11:09 PM

It has not been easy at all, but I am climbing the mountain with my son. I will eventually get to the top.

instead of worrying about my boyfriend being mean to me it's my mom.
And trust me it helps so much to have his support.

I get online to talk because my friends have loving mothers and they don't get what I go through.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-07-2010 04:46 PM

We can't help who our relatives are sweet, or, understand most times why they are the way they are.

I see if they allow your son to do what ever he wants, but with you, you knew right from wrong, they know of some of the mistakes they have made in their life, with you.

I think that your parents perhaps haven't gotten on for years and are un-happy people. A child didn't make things better, and so you were picked on so to speak. They may have struggled. They need to see that you are your own person now, an Adult and this is your child and you will bring him up with "their morals and standards" that they taught you, something you gleemed from them as a child. Not to let him run a muck for the mistakes they made with you.

Those words will both hit hard, as well as comfort. But the bottom line is, at 25, I did the same thing.. It's my life, I'm glad you bought me into this world, but I am my own person now and an Adult. (my conversations were on silly things like the colour of my lipstick

) As, they get older, they do see, they do realise and I think you will find that they are making up for what they know they did, the restrictions with you.

I believe that their world and their parents world was so different than ours. Their marriages had to continue, even if they realised they weren't in love anymore and their struggles were harder than ours today... As such, they lived and live in a depressed state now as they did then.

It's often not so cut and dry. It's often NOT the child... It's difficult though to see loving familys and feel left out.

Use your love and passion for your child and obviously your boyfriend.

If your parents don't agree to the way in which you want to raise your child, then only be around them when you are there as well, so you can use your own methods in front of them, for the time being.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-07-2010 04:47 PM

PS:

The bit about the way they lived with their parents? Often, they want to be just like you, wished they were born in this era and hold resentment until they realise that they can't, it's their doing and what a great daughter they really have...

Give it time... age... and wisdom...