why is love so much work!!!!!

**LOVEHURTS1234** · 05-11-2010 08:33 AM

hello!!! i am new to this rooms, but i have a real big hurt though out my whole life, i went to so many doctors,looking for ans. something to make me understand why i feel this way!! as you can see i neaver got a ans. i really love my whole family, but on another hand i dont like them, i hope you can understand.well i am in my 40s, and both my mom and dad are alive, here my promblem, i want so much to be loved, but for me,but with my mom and dad i think they forgot me, my brother was always in to something bad, my mother was always there for him, i think it was because my dad was not around for a few years, so it was just my mom and him, then i came along, and my dad was always sticking up for me,and i think it made my mother very mad, cause he did not do that for my brother,but the funny part was my dad always seem to stay up late nights with my brother for what ever the reason, it was like i was a ghost , like i was neaver there, well now i am older and my mother always has such nice stuff to say and do for my brother, like i said my kids, my life, i am a ghost, and my father just got married and the lady he married has one chils a little yougher than me, and now i am a ghost again to my father,why???why???why???? all i want is to be notice for me, not what they want me to be,i am so dam tired, why to my parents am i not there??? all i want is love a nice relationship.something, why does love have to hurt so dam bad? can anyone understand what i want, and if you do please and i mean please help me out!!!

**sourpuss** · 05-11-2010 09:42 AM

It seems a lot of times, the good kid get lost in the shadows because the parents are so wrapped up with the drama of the bad kids. You parents probably don't even realize that they are doing it. They just don't have to worry about you.

Focus on the relationships that you do have in your life, your friends, boyfriend/husband, children etc. Have you told your parents and your brother how you feel?

**jns** · 05-11-2010 07:52 PM

Strike out on your own and earn a name for yourself in the world. Use the energy that you spend worrying about the relationship with your mother to make something for yourself and your family. Your success will be your revenge. If you do, your mother and your brother will come to you for help. They will never respect you, but at least you will know that you have control over whether you help or not. Save your love for your children and your SO and never do what your mother has done.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-07-2010 04:37 PM

When I was young, I had a simular story to tell.

I established that there was a reason... My Father had a fatal accident, 3 months in Hospital, my brother was 2 years older than me, I was a baby. My Mother spent those three months focusing and talking to my brother, only attending to feeding me, changing my nappy.. Babies do feel, they do know and they do remember.

As, I grew up, I was "wrapped in cottonwool" couldn't go anywhere. My brother on the other hand did what he wanted.

As, I grew up, he got all the new things, I got his left overs.

Sound familiar?

Bottom line, is in my opinion, for some reason, Daddy's will look after their little princesses, Mummy's will not like the attention given and not to her, little Boys, are Mummy's boys and in Dad's eyes, they can go out into the world, it's only driving that they fear. With girls, both parents fear everything for them.

Your brother was older, men bond with men.. Your Dad stayed up late, "relating to another male"..

Your Mother, was protective, your brother was getting himself into trouble, and so she focused soley on trying to guide him and work with him, so he would have a future.

They saw no need to do that with you, perhaps because you were smart. But, parents don't realise that ignorance is not bliss, it creates in-securities.

In addition, I would say you have a whole lot of love to give. Maybe your parents couldn't show their love, they grew up without much, all they knew was how to be parents.

If they knew love like you do, did, I would say they would have stayed together...

We are not all alike. We are not like our parents. We may take things as lessons learnt from them, but ulitimately we are ourselves.

Instead of feeling that you weren't loved, realise that they probably didn't know how to love.

Instead of feeling you were singled out, realise that perhaps, they felt no need to guide you, but did feel that had to guide him.

Now your Dad is much older, you are in your 40's, he hasn't long to go in life, he has a new life and he's concentrating on that life, his parenting in alot of ways is over, you are mature.

You've gone through life "feeling" un-loved. I bet if you told them how you felt, their heart would break. Have you gone through life therefore, finding it hard to "find love'?

This only you can change by realising, they are who they are, it more than likely is how they were bought up, to just be parents only. But, you can change this, by realising you have love, alot of it, you are different and in that, you can love others and get the love you need and show them how to love, by simply re-connecting once you know who you are and that it's okay, they are who they are..

CW