Why is my sister in law like this ......

**aljs** · 06-03-2010 11:38 AM

My sister in law always says things in a way that is insulting and if there's some kind of event going on she wants me to beg to come. (or so it seems to me and my family) If my husband (her brother) has a negative opinion on anything she says or does she always says it was because of my influence on the situation - even when I have no idea what's going on until after the fact.
So, it's my nieces grad ceremony tonight and for the past month I have went with my SIL and niece to find a grad dress and all that stuff, during these times I have discussed the ceremony with my SIL and she told me on a few occasions that only her and grandma were allowed to go. All was fine, no big deal. Well, this morning I get a TEXT message asking me if me and her brother are going to the ceremony..... i told her that we never knew we were invited, when I forwarded her one of her own txt msgs she sent to me before telling me that we could not attend she played it off that I must have misunderstood. I have found out that she had 13 tickets available for this ceremony for the past month and I feel she is only inviting us because my mother in law would be upset for her inviting a bunch of people that aren't family and not inviting us as well.
My feelings are hurt that i wasn't invited in the beginning, instead just hours before the event! I have told my husband we are invited to go tonight and he doesn't want to go, but I think that if I tell her this she will bring it back to be because of me and tell my niece a bunch of .......

**pretzel** · 06-03-2010 11:53 AM

I think you're right, 2 people cancelled and now she has tix for you.

Tell your husband to deal with this. It's his sister.

Your niece is 18. Call her and let her know that. Tell her that you and your husband would like to do something special for her just the 3 of you sometime before the graduation party.

I think your niece not only will understand but needs to see the big picture. She's old enough to handle it.

**sourpuss** · 06-03-2010 05:45 PM

I agree with pretzel. Let your husband handle it. Show him the texts where she said you couldn't go too so she can't turn it around on you.
And definitely call your niece and let her know your husband and you would like to take her to dinner or a movie or something to celebrate.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-03-2010 05:59 PM

Different take.

I think you should go. Not for her, but for your niece. The fact that you spent the past month helping her find a dress and being a part of it, I don't think you want to miss out on it, "this moment".

I assume your husband does not want to go because of the shear fact that she has been caught out. I think that you both should go and on conclusion of the night, in front of your husband, "re-show" her, her text and then have him state, "so it's obvious we were / are an after-thought, you had 2 tickets left that weren't used, we came for our niece, but it's a shame you can't see that my wife actually likes you" and then leave.

It will show her that it's "both of your knowledge" and thoughts not yours. It will show her you attended for your niece not for her. And, it will show her that it's over, she can not continue to put the blame on you, she was caught out. And, it will hopefully make her think of how she is treating you.

We marry but we can't choose our family huh... Perhaps she envys you.. Perhaps she's the black sheep of the family...

CW

**aljs** · 06-04-2010 11:28 AM

Thank you everyone for your replies. Just reading them this morning.
After spending much of the day thinking of what I should do I did decide to go, my husband did not but it worked out fine anyways.
When I arrived we had a bit of time before the ceremony and my SIL took me to see my niece and get some pictures with her. My niece thanked me for coming and said that she thought no one would be coming (apparently 3 people who were invited canceled last minute)..... I then explained to her (in front of my SIL) that I only received the invitation that morning, but that I was excited to be there for her.
My SIL did ask why my husband did not attend and I explained to her that he felt we were only invited because others could not make it, of course she denied it. At that point I really did not care too much, I got to see my niece graduate and that was amazing.
I will try to keep my distance with my SIL and find ways to spend time with all my nieces without being involved with her. My husband does intend to discuss this situation with his sister over the weekend. Thanks again

**Kallygirlie** · 06-04-2010 02:15 PM

Glad things worked out for you. I know how you feel but I'm on the other side. My Brothers Wife is a major pain. I'm the little sister so she treats me as such. I'm 26 yrs old and she still acts as if I'm 14 still (which is how old I was when they met). She'll talk down to me, act as if my opinions dont matter, heck she's even found a flaw in me raising money for the American Cancer Society. She tells me that I wish Breast cancer on people because I dont support breast cancer awareness orginazations, she ignores the fact that I tell her I dont support them because I rather support all cancers and not just one and that I truely want a cure for ALL of them. My nieces birthday parties, I find out about them like a few days before and I never get an invite, its usually a verbal thing through my family. Except this yr, she sent me a facebook invite along with the rest of her friends list. Its really sad because its like no matter how much you try with some SIL's you just cant get through. I really hope you and have luck with yours