Thread: In-Laws

So glad to find this forum! Here's my trouble, and I need honest opinions here. My in-laws came from Cali to Alaska (where I live) mid June for our July 7th wedding. They came in their motor home so I figured that would give us enough space, as we are a pretty quiet and independent couple. Unfortunately his parents were involved in a huge accident and now due to court obligations must stay until October. They are very nice, however I am about to lose it. I do not know if I am out of line, so here are a few examples:
They (usually his father) cook and do the dishes every night - (i know)
I clean the house and do my husband's and my laundry every Sunday while his mother sits on the couch all day and watches me without offering to help in any way.
In spite of the motor home they come into the house every morning around 7 am and DO NOT leave until 10 pm to go out to go to sleep.
I mean do not do anything, do not visit friends, do not go out to dinner, nothing. His father has been doing odd jobs like fixing electrical outlets, repairing the porch, but his mom does nothing.
My husband and I are pretty tidy people and his mom is a pack rat and little piles of her **** are building up all over the house.
Last weekend it was getting to the point of "I'm his wife" "well, I'm his mother" in not that many words.
I got home from work last night and my husband was not there yet, all the shades were pulled, the house was like a bat cave and their laundry was piled all over in the hall way (mind you I just spent all Sunday cleaning) I had to take a walk to keep my brains from exploding...
A little understanding here, they have a lot on their minds regarding this accident/court stuff (civil lawsuits are most likely to bankrupt them) and his father had just decided to retire before coming to the wedding; so I think they don't know what to do with themselves.
And I don't know what to tell them. I can't even understand that they feel that this is a no-big-deal situation to live with newlyweds for the first three or four months of their marriage. Seriously, there is no one I know who would do this! I spoke with my husband last night (outside in the driveway in our truck because they were sitting in our living room watching TV) and I feel bad for unloading all this tension on him, but then I think that's one of the reasons we married was to share burdens. I don't know what to tell him to tell them, but I know he needs to tell them to take a little trip for a few days or something or I am going to go crazy. I also know I have to keep my mouth shut but I feel like moving out!!!
HELP!!!

Originally Posted by peartree

So glad to find this forum! Here's my trouble, and I need honest opinions here. My in-laws came from Cali to Alaska (where I live) mid June for our July 7th wedding. They came in their motor home so I figured that would give us enough space, as we are a pretty quiet and independent couple. Unfortunately his parents were involved in a huge accident and now due to court obligations must stay until October. They are very nice, however I am about to lose it. I do not know if I am out of line, so here are a few examples:
They (usually his father) cook and do the dishes every night - (i know)
I clean the house and do my husband's and my laundry every Sunday while his mother sits on the couch all day and watches me without offering to help in any way.
In spite of the motor home they come into the house every morning around 7 am and DO NOT leave until 10 pm to go out to go to sleep.
I mean do not do anything, do not visit friends, do not go out to dinner, nothing. His father has been doing odd jobs like fixing electrical outlets, repairing the porch, but his mom does nothing.
My husband and I are pretty tidy people and his mom is a pack rat and little piles of her **** are building up all over the house.
Last weekend it was getting to the point of "I'm his wife" "well, I'm his mother" in not that many words.
I got home from work last night and my husband was not there yet, all the shades were pulled, the house was like a bat cave and their laundry was piled all over in the hall way (mind you I just spent all Sunday cleaning) I had to take a walk to keep my brains from exploding...
A little understanding here, they have a lot on their minds regarding this accident/court stuff (civil lawsuits are most likely to bankrupt them) and his father had just decided to retire before coming to the wedding; so I think they don't know what to do with themselves.
And I don't know what to tell them. I can't even understand that they feel that this is a no-big-deal situation to live with newlyweds for the first three or four months of their marriage. Seriously, there is no one I know who would do this! I spoke with my husband last night (outside in the driveway in our truck because they were sitting in our living room watching TV) and I feel bad for unloading all this tension on him, but then I think that's one of the reasons we married was to share burdens. I don't know what to tell him to tell them, but I know he needs to tell them to take a little trip for a few days or something or I am going to go crazy. I also know I have to keep my mouth shut but I feel like moving out!!!
HELP!!!

I hear you, Peartree!!!

You were right to let your husband know how you've been feeling about his parents' living arrangements.

Now is that the courts have said your in-laws have to stay at YOUR place due to the accident; or is it for the sake of giving them a local temporary address so that the lawyers and courts can reach them?

Anyway, his mother is just that... his mother. HOWEVER you are his WIFE and WIFE comes before MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!
Ever notice on those legal documents they ask for the SPOUSE? They do that in doctor's offices and the hospital, etc. It shows who's first.

I'm hoping that they can find some kind of housing there in AL... from what I understand, it shouldn't be hard. I hear it's a good place for finding housing.

His mother seems to want to be treated like some queen, while you're the peasant in your own home.
No respect for your cleaning because she makes these nice little "moe hills" of junk in your house. You have to keep cleaning up her mess, she sees it, and continues to do it. It would P.O. me too!

I hope this is just a temporary situation because I understand how you feel. You don't get the privacy you 2 as newlyweds thought you'd have.
I know you're boiling mad!

I know it's hard, but try to be patient (I'm not just saying this to be saying it) and be sure you and your husband know what's going on with their pending litigation so that there's progress being made. Maybe, if they get a nice settlement, they'll have the good mind to compensate you both for the inconvenience.

They are staying on because I have a big fat mouth, they kept saying they didn't know whether to stay for the trial or go home to Cali and then come back, wringing their hands and all, and me, being the good new daughter-in-law told them I didn't mind if they stayed. OF COURSE I ASSumed that they would have the common sense to go out to their motor home a few evenings a week or out to a friend's or anywhere to give us a few nights of privacy a week but it has been TWO months and they have not left our living room until 10pm every night, we get up at 5am to go to work so this is our BEDTIME. I hide out in my bedroom in MY OWN home to have some quiet and privacy. They are the one's being sued so they will not be getting any settlement but will most likely have to declare bankruptcy due to actions brought against them. I swear if they try to stay due to bankruptcy this will be Alaska's shortest marriage yet. I did notice CLEARLY when the rest of his family was here for 1 week for the wedding SHE treats HER mother-in-law with all kinds of disdain. HMMMMM.....

Originally Posted by peartree

They are staying on because I have a big fat mouth, they kept saying they didn't know whether to stay for the trial or go home to Cali and then come back, wringing their hands and all, and me, being the good new daughter-in-law told them I didn't mind if they stayed. OF COURSE I ASSumed that they would have the common sense to go out to their motor home a few evenings a week or out to a friend's or anywhere to give us a few nights of privacy a week but it has been TWO months and they have not left our living room until 10pm every night, we get up at 5am to go to work so this is our BEDTIME. I hide out in my bedroom in MY OWN home to have some quiet and privacy. They are the one's being sued so they will not be getting any settlement but will most likely have to declare bankruptcy due to actions brought against them. I swear if they try to stay due to bankruptcy this will be Alaska's shortest marriage yet. I did notice CLEARLY when the rest of his family was here for 1 week for the wedding SHE treats HER mother-in-law with all kinds of disdain. HMMMMM.....

Well, I think you've learned your lesson as far as volunteering your home out to family! LOL! You were being sweet, but they took advantage of you. Period.

But still, they should've had more consideration for you 2 than what they've shown... they know you are newlyweds and they're sitting around your house until 10 PM?????

And they have the motor home, so it shows that they mean to impede on your privacy; otherwise, they'd get in the motor home and do what they did on the way to ALASKA!!!!

2 Months? That's a long time. Your husband's going to have to tell them they have to look for some housing. He can get the conversation rolling with something like, "Hey, there are some really nice places in the _____ area." Or he can get some brochures and show them to your in-laws. If they express an attitude, he'll have to tell them that you 2 are newlyweds and you need your space. Are they senior citizens? If so, there are all kinds of places for them with all kinds of discounts and amenities. If they file bankruptcy, it will be harder for them to buy a home, so they'll probably look to rent a place--unless they go back to Cali.

I take it they want to stay with you and your husband for a while. They're probably trying to save some money by staying with you.

Poor Peartree...married into the family from ****.
All you can do to keep sane is to pack up and go.

Don't pay any of the bills either.

Just tell hubby 'bye' and go away...maybe a cruise.
Let them keep the house clean or dirty, pay the
light or let it get shut off.

What horrible people...
and guess what?

They are now...family....

Ooh... leave?? I dont know! Sounds like you have somewhat of a religious background being that you quoted the bible. Leaving isnt just an easy option for some people ladies, you have to understand that. Put out a little fight before your surrender.
I DO absolutely beieve that your husband is COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE.
HOW DARE HIM. Stick up for woman you spineless man!
His family sounds jealous, seriously jealous!
You need to stop being the victim and start being loud.
"You have a problem with me??? What exactly is that problem?" If your husband isnt going to play the protector... than you dont need to play the submissive, I will talk through you, wife.
If his brother wants to be a weak trouble maker than call him and call him out on it. "Is there a problem here with your brother and I? I overheard your conversation and want to know exactly what you... being the represenative and all... have a problem with."
I know its easier said than done... take a look at my problems... but put up a little fight before you consider leaving.