Thread: In-Laws

This kind of lack of defense by one's husband
can really destroy a marriage faster than adultery.

You are on your own.
The battle lines have been drawn.
He's on the side of his family.
So, you now have to protect yourself.

Many women who have your experiences create
a huge support service of friends/family/activities
and simply tune out his family.

I can think of one woman who always organised
to be elsewhere any time his family figured into
an activity.

Another who worked very hard for the confrontation
when he said; "You put your friends before me!"
And as sweet as sugar she replied, "You put your
mother before me."

His family should become one of those topics which
you never mention, hold no discussion about, and
sever from your life.

You know exactly where he stands, therefore,
never make it his family or you, cause you lose.
Realising that his family comes first, you find
something else to come first in your life.

Having a child for him is the worst thing you can
do. Have no children with this man, and begin
unmarrying him.

Put yourself in pre-divorce mode.
That is, make sure you have access to money,
that you take no debts for him, and you steal
as much housekeeping, etc. as possible in an
account in your name alone at another bank.

I know one woman whose car broke down.
She phoned her husband. He was on his
way to his mother to fix her washing machine.

Five hours later he showed up to 'rescue' his
wife. Five hours.

That is exactly where you are. You have to
put yourself in her place. Not pretty.

Wow that doesn't sound like fun. Have you tried talking to his family about there dislikes towards you, without your husband around? I think your husband needs to put you first, but he shouldn't have to choose between his family and you. He needs to stick up for your marriage to his family. I would really try and talk to him and his family. Try to resolve the problem before it gets worse. Best of Luck!

In strong marriages, the husband makes it very clear
that his wife comes first, so that his family doesn't
encroach.

His mother might try a stunt or two to prove
he loves her more...
and many times this impacts negatively on
the mother.

In this case it is clear, he's made his choice.
His family over his wife.

I can't say that my husbands family dislikes me, but there is a line drawn. My husband wants to spend A LOT of time with his dad. Most weekends in fact. They hunt and fish and don't even start on the football season. His mother tolerates me, but that is a whole other story (there is a girl in my husbands past that has a baby from him that is much more favored and treated as a daughter-in-law, and they were never married, it was a drunken one night stand). There are so many dynamics in the in-law situation...I agree with Kaylar about distancing yourself from it. Make other plans (even though that hurts too, because you want to be a part of your husbands whole life) but feeling uncomfortable or unliked around his family isn't fair to you at all. He SHOULD stand up for you and I agree with you about what the bible says, but the husbands will always defend the parents over the wife. I want to move away from here, so there is some distance and we can build a better bond, but he worships his father. I wish I could give you better advice....just hang in there. Maybe it will bother your husband if you don't go with him when he is around them and want to spend more time with you if he sees how horrible his family is and how much you love him. UGH.....I feel for you girl!

Originally Posted by kaylar

In strong marriages, the husband makes it very clear
that his wife comes first, so that his family doesn't
encroach.

His mother might try a stunt or two to prove
he loves her more...
and many times this impacts negatively on
the mother.

In this case it is clear, he's made his choice.
His family over his wife.

I think that is said very clear...I do agree. I have had so much problems with inlaws in the last year. My husband has made it really clear it is his mother over his wife. That makes me feel so sad at times. I do know she was there first but the way he treats me when his mother is around is really grounds for a divorce. He shames me, makes me feel like I don't exist or my decisions don't matter...and all mother in law does is just grins and smiles. I don't know how much I can take of this treatment from my husband. What do you do when your husband has chosen his family over his wife.....What is the wife suppose to do?

This is one of those horrible situations in which all the wife
can do is leave.

Those who stay find out that when the mother dies, it gets
even worse.

Leave.
Don't make a thing of it.
Make a plan, withdraw your affection day by day, hide
money, and then just go.

In real marriages, it is wife over mother.

I had a similar situation. It took 8 yrs of marriage, 4 yrs of dating and I'm finally first in my husbands eyes. My in-laws lied to him about me, disrespected me and when I mentioned it to him they denied it. One day, it all came crashing down on them. An email was sent to my husband by mistake, it was ment for another family member, it mentioned how they were not happy that "his kids or wife" were first in my husbands life and not "his family". My husband responded with a simple "My WIFE and KIDS are MY Family" you're also my family but they're my PRIORITIES. Fortunately for a us a job transfer came in 1800 miles away. Now the once every two years visit aren't so bad.

The day that email arrived you should have
bought a lotto ticket.