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Thread: Can a mother truely hate her child?

  1. #1
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    Default Can a mother truely hate her child?


    Since I was a small child as far back as I can remember my mother has treated me different from my siblings.When I say different I mean she was cruel to me she would call me ugly and say I was stupid things like that she also blamed me for her being stuck (her words not mine) with my father.I was sexually abused as a small child 3 to 4 years of age she took up for the person who did this and said it was no big deal and not to tell anyone.My father was a alcholic who beat on her and me my sisters he didnt hit thankgod mom stoped him from hitting them.She slept with a few of my boyfriends . She still verbally abuses me all the time.When I was 13 her husband (my father) came in my room tried to fondle me I started screaming she came in yelled at him said she take care of it.The next morning she said it was my fault cause I looked like a S******.She said even as a small child I looked like that and why would he want me when he had her that I was ugly and nasty.Then years later when I grew up she divorced him and wanted me to testify that he molested me in court and I wouldnt I felt she wasnt there for me why should I get her more money in divorce .(she told me thats why she wanted me to testify)I can not list everything shes done to me this is just a few things.My question is ....Is it possible to hate one of your children and not the others? I am grown now have kids of my own and could never mistreat my child. I still can not stand up to her now I do not know why I think its guilt and the thought what if shes right and I was just the bad seed? She is able to love because she loves my sisters. How do I handle her do just cuss her when she starts insulting me just disown her if she was to die after i disowned her or cussed her out I would feel such guilt. sorry for such a long post.

  2. #2
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array tinkerbell930's Avatar
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    Ouch! It sounds like your mother has some serious problems that she takes out on you. My mother and I don't have a relationship anymore (mine is because she wanted to take my oldest daughter from me when I was a teenager-my oldest is 21 now-LONG story), but for years we fought and I finally had to take myself out of her life because of the pain and hurt it caused me. My story is not at all like yours....if it were, I would never forgive my mother nor would I want her love. She should have always been there for you. It was illegal what she did, now days they prosecute mothers for letting their children be sexually abused by fathers or other men in their lives. I would seek some counseling. I spoke to 3 different counselors about my situation and was told my mother was toxic and I needed to stay out of her life for my own mental health. IT IS hard to not WANT the love of your mother, but it is harder to keep going back for more abuse. And she is still abusing you. There is something dark in her heart that you can't fix. She has to do that on her own. Pull away for your own good. Maybe distance will help her see what she has done.

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    Default Thanks Tinkerbell

    I have friends who have seen the ways she is and they say it looks like a weird jealousy to them I just can not understand how thats possible.As far as wanting her love I do not know, Ive never thought about it because she can go awhile and be kind to me and then its back to the being hateful but she can word things to make it sound like she is in the right and what she says is right.This may sound strange but she says these things to me that are put downs and then she acts the next day as if she did nothing wrong and if I call her out on it she will say I was playing can you not be played with.She never dose these things to my sisters I think its cause I favor my dads side of the family and they favor her side.I know that sounds strange but I have Brown hair blue eyes they are blonds with brown eyes and she says I need to change my hair color I look like him and how can I stand it.She also makes it alot about looks she makes fun of the fact Im small every where except Im a little top heavy. She even makes comments on my makeup and clothes.Anyways Im gonna try the distance for a while .I was just wondering if this is something some moms go through like a weird post partum thing that never goes away and causes hate for one child.I just decided with my kids i am going to do everything opposite that she did and maybe they will turn out better.

  4. #4
    kaylar
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    I can think of cases, no where near the brutality
    of Sweetie or of Tinkerbell, but where it is clear
    the mother does not like her own child.

    I've actually heard mothers say that they didn't like
    a particular child.

    I can recall a woman with two daughters, and she
    had the eldest as almost a slave...the child couldn't
    go to school because she had to do laundry, and the
    little one got everything, and she virtually lived through
    the little one.

    People assumed that the Big one had a different father
    or was adopted, or a step child.

    So it is not as unique as one might think.


  5. #5
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array tinkerbell930's Avatar
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    It does sound like a jealousy thing, or that she doesn't like your dad so much and because of the "looks" you say are similair to his, maybe she takes all her hatred of him out on you, because he isn't around to do that to. As for her being nice one day and hateful the next or even saying "can't you take a joke" is really cruel. She sounds like a control freak. You sound like an amazing person, your mother is not the only person that you look to for validation on that. You are so right about doing things different with your kids. I have 3 daughters and I haven't treated any of them the way my mother did. She is really mean in her own way too. If you don't live the way she wants, you are stupid. She is really hard to be around. My oldest daughter and my granddaughter live with her and I only tolerate short time frames when I am there to see them. She STILL has control over my oldest, but we have a good relationship in spite of it. But I think you are right on the money about jealousies....maybe you are Cinderella and your sisters and mother are??????? In a sense.....just be yourself and never doubt who you are because of how she treats you. People like that live to bring others down...if she knows she is getting to you she will continue it. NEVER let her know it bothers you. She will stop soon enough. You can always cry or scream when she doesn't know! Smile when she sees you.

  6. #6
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array tinkerbell930's Avatar
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    Oops....meant to write a few more things. I was so sorry to hear you were sexually abused, that alone has got to be horrible to get through.....you are a wonderful person! It was never your fault, which I am sure you already know.....your mom is a sad person that she would let things like that happen. A very weak woman! You are so much stronger and better!

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    I have had a hard time with the sexual abuse even though it was years ago . I still have night mares .I get scared when I am home alone for know reason.I have an alarm on my house a dog who will bark if anyone stands at my front door.And I still lock my bathroom door if Im home alone the main doors are locked and the alarms on.I was home alone a few weeks ago and a man I didnt know came to the door it was 11 at night looked out the door when he rang the bell he wanted to use my phone and I paniced and threatened to call the police if didnt leave my property he wouldnt leave he got mad and was yelling at me to open the door and I told him I was getting my gun he left after that.It scared me so bad I couldnt sleep for days even when my husband returned home.I am a member of watchdog.com they let me know if sex offenders moves in our neighborhood I am paronoid about being in parkinglots at night I just recently quit a job because I had to walk to a parking garage at night.It has gotten worse the funny thing is when my kids who are young are here Im not scared its all about them and Im not so jumpie but they have sleepovers and they can not babysit mommy lol Im also very over protective of them because I do not want anything to happen to them like happened to me.Ive not delt well with this. I never told anyone cause I wasnt suppose to tell.My husband knows some but not all I didnt tell him he figured out when I would have bad nightmares. he said I would scream in my sleep things that made him realise something happened .I could never tell him everything And hes never pushed thank god I hope he never dose.The thought makes me sick to my stomache.

  8. #8
    kaylar
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    First of all, any man knocked my door to come
    in to use the phone, or whatever, he's lucky I
    don't drop him on the veranda.

    You are not paranoid. No one gets into your
    house. Ever. Let them go and beg someone
    else a phone call.

    He was probably as bad as you thought.

    As to the nightmares, you might want to go
    to a support group where you will meet women
    who had your experiences.

    It's cheaper than a psychiatrist, and effective
    to put the horrors behind you.

  9. #9
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array tinkerbell930's Avatar
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    Kaylar is right about getting some outside help. Church is a great place to start. A lot of churches have groups that meet outside of the normal services. You can also check in the phonebook for support groups. Having nightmares and screaming in your sleep has to wear on you and your husband. I know you said you don't want to open up and tell him all of it, but he should be your biggest shoulder to lean on. If that had happened in my past, I would want the support and comfort of my husband on it. I know I could count on him for that. Maybe you don't tell him because you worry that what he will think of you, but you were a child and had no control or protection. You said you had young kids that you want to protect from going through what you did, I am sure your husband feels the same way too. My heart aches for you and what you are going through. You should pick a really quiet time and tell your husband you need to tell him all about why you have the nightmares.....I am sure that releasing some of that to him will help you a ton. He will make you feel more protected and safe if he knows everything that happened. I am so glad you didn't open the door to that man! There is no telling what could have happened. You did exactly the right thing. I hope your kids were there and saw the proper way to handle that. If they weren't around, I would tell them about it, just in case that happens again, they will know not to open the door either!!!! Keep your strength and let your husband give you some too! I am praying for you to have some peace in your life!

  10. #10
    Junior Member Array KaleenaC's Avatar
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    Ur mother sounds mad (crazy) and theres no such thing as a bad seed,just bad parents. Yea, I don't know how a mother can mistreat her child like that, she was be ill if she thinks it right to treat her own flesh and blood like that. I would go to the police and tell them what happened b/c its never too late.
    =========Kaleena Corriveau==============
    Make the best of your ability

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