Ouch! It sounds like your mother has some serious problems that she takes out on you. My mother and I don't have a relationship anymore (mine is because she wanted to take my oldest daughter from me when I was a teenager-my oldest is 21 now-LONG story), but for years we fought and I finally had to take myself out of her life because of the pain and hurt it caused me. My story is not at all like yours....if it were, I would never forgive my mother nor would I want her love. She should have always been there for you. It was illegal what she did, now days they prosecute mothers for letting their children be sexually abused by fathers or other men in their lives. I would seek some counseling. I spoke to 3 different counselors about my situation and was told my mother was toxic and I needed to stay out of her life for my own mental health. IT IS hard to not WANT the love of your mother, but it is harder to keep going back for more abuse. And she is still abusing you. There is something dark in her heart that you can't fix. She has to do that on her own. Pull away for your own good. Maybe distance will help her see what she has done.