We are wrongly accused of child beating! Help!

**samanthatallon** · 06-24-2010 04:13 PM

Ok, here goes.... I am in a right old state, been crying all day long.

Myself and my partner have been together for a couple of years now. And he has settled into family life here well. He is great with the children, and wonderful step parent. He some mornings gets up and gets them dressed, brings me breakfast in bed.

He gets angry, like who doesnt. Being a parent is frustrating. And yeah, he gives them a firm word when they need it, he doesnt like the step dad word, as he wants to be a friend, and we agreed as the other kids apart from one see their fathers. He didnt want to step on any toes.

I am a full hearted mother, and i love my kids with my life, and OH is the same, and we would both die in an instant if it meant to save them.

My son Jake has either ADHD or aspergers, not confirmed yet, assessments and psycological assesments are yet to be cemented and diagnosed, but its definatly one of the two.

He is seven, and lives a difficult and angry life. My previous relationship was violent, not in the kicking and punching sense, but manipulative, pushing and shoving, shouting. So i know domestic violence as do the kiddies, and thenk god we got out, and where i am, is really happy and settled.

My social worker, came to visit after a long leave and we get on really well, she is young and has been great help since my P.N depression.

He has been difficult in school, so i asked her to help out, as jake has had a tough few weeks at school.

So she came and brought him out for ice cream, and when they got back she said that jake said, that my partner beats him up, beats me up and beats up the baby. I was gobsmacked, and still am, have been all day. None of it is true! He has never lied like this before, if there was a hint of danger towards their lives i would be gone in a flash. But there isnt, just long lazy sundays and football in the park. Barry is guilty perhaps of being a non morning person ill agree he is grumpy. And lazy sometimes. But he has never hit his own kid, bar once when he was 17 and robbed the flat for money. He like slapped him.....

Barry cherishes children, he lost one of his children to spina bifida at only 6 months old, so barry knows what it means when you find family to love.

The social worker said she had to log a complaint, i have spoken to the other kids about whats about to happen, and Ryan my eldest burst into tears, as he loves barry and so do the others, Jake does too. Believe it or not they like mess and tease but its all in aid of giggles.

So i am at a loss, He doesnt hit my kids and now we are to be accused of this, and he may have to leave

I just found a wonderful family life and i risk to lose everything we have worked to build, our rented but permanent home.

Jake is never on his own with barry as he is on my hip, i have booked a doctors appointment to get
the kids the once over, to rule out any physical damage, but where do i go from here??

I am distraught my partner is in tears, and my kid has lied like he never has before... i tell you, if it was true, i have been there and would never go through it again, for my kids and my mental health where do i go from here? HELP

thanks in advance

a sad sammy

**samanthatallon** · 06-24-2010 04:14 PM

ps, i was meant to put a sad face there at the top, my sight is shot, sorry, it looks terrible!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-24-2010 05:17 PM

How old are your other children sweet?

I think a physcial will show there are no bruises and your children will be able to varify that they have never been beaten.

Have you sat Jake down and asked why he stated that? Did the lady pose a question that frightened him and so he answered that way? What did she ask him?

The fact that he stated that Barry hit you as well, and you know he never has, it is possible that Jake is remembering your past, protecting you, even though he loves Barry, his mind for what ever reason is remembering the past shoving and pushing, and if he's attached to your hip, it may have caused a physcological problem for him and now simply fear, that this man will also do it to you, to him.

I'd seek professional help for him as this is more than likely the case of why he has made such a statement... A phycological report of this may just be the answer you need.

CW

**samanthatallon** · 06-25-2010 02:04 AM

thanks the psycologist is seeing jake next wednesday, the kids are 4, 7, 9 and 17months. I dont know what was said as the social worker took him out to talk to him about his behavioural problems in school. And this is what she had, come back with, i asked him why he said it, he said he didnt know and burst into tears. He isnt allowed out to play or the computer is out of bounds, i know he probably meant it innocently, but lies like this cause a lot of trouble, and i know she has to fully investigate a childs claim, i hope she talks to the others. My family are behind him 100%. My family support worker has been told, and has simply said she will speak to her supervisor as she visits almost daily every morning and has never had any concerns or the childrens welfare, so someone official should help a lot.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-25-2010 08:18 AM

Sorry you're going through such a rough time. It truly sounds like all is being done that could be done. Obviously SW's have to take accusations like that seriously, as it's their job and I'm sure they'd rather not hear things like that. Kids learn to lie very young. Perhaps he likes this lady and thought it might get him more attention from her, or keep her around longer? Perhaps he feels some jealousy or animosity towards Barry...some trust issues due to your previous relationship? Kids remember and retain way more than we think they do. He lives a difficult and angry life..... but why? It sounds like you're getting that checked out, which is all you can do other than just trying really hard to work with him to establish trust, so he feels safe and happy with who he is.

What is the reason for the social worker visits to begin with? Because of the previous abusive relationship?

How long has Barry been in yours and the kids lives? I'm sorry if you stated that in your original post, I couldn't find it.

"They" always say, "The truth will set you free". So it sounds like social services will check this out and not be able to find anything. And this is a good time to really look at your situation and know that children are deeply impacted by things, even more so than we realize....and if there are things to modify in yours and Barrys lives, nows the time to do it.

**samanthatallon** · 06-26-2010 04:01 AM

well thanks for the reply

Well i went a bit batty with pn depression after every child, and i would get very down, but i think the relationship with my ex triggered it more so, this is why the social worker is involved even though i have been on the straight and narrow for nearly a year, i sometimes relapse into depression, life just gets really tough, i am a 25 yr old girl with no qualifications, and no money lol, it has some wonderful upsides, but my mood can yo yo, and is not to be trusted. They removed my children after a suicide attempt a year ago, and i had to fight for several weeks to get them back, so this is why they are keeping a keen eye on all of us. But i love being a mom, the job i am best at! I dont really know what to think, I am doing all i can, Jake has earned a weekend of respite so he can take a break after this weeks events.
And to be honest i am enjoying not having him trying to stick his foot in the fireplace every five minutes. I feel so bad for him and wonder what he thinks but he hides it well and despite being his only friend he will not open up even to me...
Thanks again, and i garetful for your reply.

**Jayla2251** · 07-06-2010 11:36 AM

Im sorry your family is going through all this. And it does sound like what needs to be done, is being done. Good luck to your family. It is VERY hard on family/relationship with "false" accusations. But I think that since he might have aspergers you wont know what's going on in his head until you go to the psycologist for awhile.

**Perseverance** · 07-07-2010 12:28 PM

Hello

I actually just registered and came across your post. Hats off to you for taking care of 4 kiddos. I understand the worker had to log a complaint but why did you have a worker to begin with? Was there a case already opened with CPS or was this your worker from social services?

**Perseverance** · 07-07-2010 12:28 PM

Oops I just realized this was last June

sorry. How are things going now?

**samanthatallon** · 07-12-2010 01:47 PM

lol, no worries, update... my bad been away due to a few family glitches.

The Social worker has taken this further, i took my kids to the gp, and he has assured me that the kids are fine, the only bruises they have are the usual, on the shins, and from falling and kicking each other under the table lol. Nothing major, so he noted it and said acting quickly on it would work in my favour, as opposed to doing nothing.

We are waiting for a meeting appointment, this has caused major stress in our relationship at home, between myself and o/h. Not the only marital problem but a big one that makes the rest of the load harder to carry, so the rows started. And now he has moved out till we can sort everything. I really dont know how it works here in Ireland, i was assigned a socail worker from a very young age, as i was sexually abused when i was a child, and had severe mental problems for years on and off, esp after having four kiddies and suffering p/n depression every time. So they liked to keep a watch on me, i understand her need to look into things as the world has gone into safe overdrive, but what about all the times i called her crying asking her to help about Jakes behavioural disorder? she was nowhere to be found. So i am a little bit angry on that term. But will update another time on how we go on my profile. Nothing furthur will be done i dont think, they do not have the evidence to suggest and the other kids have seen a child psycologist, and have all been honest and said everything is ok. So thumbs up hopefully. xx thanks for the concern. x