Sister rages at EVERYONE - open to ANY suggestions

**kgo** · 07-05-2010 10:11 AM

I am 20 years old, and live at home with my mother father and grandmother as well as my 16 year old sister. We have a busy household that is a litte hectic.

My sister is hateful and rages at everyone in our family, even if you ask her a simple question she will snap and be rude. She's always freaked out all her life and seems to display symptoms which I think may be related to obsessive compulsive disorder (everythings so well organized by shape, color and size and she notices if ONE thing is out of place and when her friends come over they have to keep their stuff out of her room so it's not "cluttered" and if something isn't in place she ranges from just being rude all day or having a screaming/freak out) She is rude to my grandmother, who's done nothing wrong but help us tremendously by doing our dishes, washing our clothes while the rest of us are at work. Me my mom and dad all work a lot and are all self employed. She makes my grandmother feel nervous, I can't stand going home and being arouund my sister and she constantly swears and freaks out at my mother who does everything for her. She drives her to school everyday, gives her money (she's 16 and doesn't work) and she is terrible to my father who also gives her everything she wants even if my mother says no.

Now I know she is spoiled rotten and gets everything she wants sometimes just to avoid conflict but I've told my parents time and time again that they need to stop giving her EVERYTHING when she is so mean and says the most terrible things. My grandmother knocked on her door once with laundry and she told her to go eff herself. She is just a bomb that goes off all the time, constantly. You could ask her if she wanted something to eat and she might freak out at you for no reason. We've tried consuelling but she just ran away and into an alley downtown, she faints if she goes to a hospital or the doctors she has all these phobias and is seriously messed up in the head but we can't get her to go see anyone because she thinks the problem is with all of us.

She drains my parents of money, energy and self esteem and it's driving me crazy. My dad doesn't think she has a serious problem and just puts up with her. If my mother punishes her or makes her go to her room, dad goes and gets her and takes her out and buys her something. She's in her THIRD year of summer school because she doesn't try in school either and just doesn't care. She thinks the word should revolve around her.

I've worked since I was 14 years old and worked 35+ hours a week all through highschool and been a good kid (my parents say) and it makes me mad to see her being so rude, mean and have no ambition at all to do anything and taking all my parents money.

My mother recently cancelled a shopping trip because she doesn't think she can handle being with my sister for an entire weekend. it's just impossible to please her. No matter how much money you spend on her, what you do for her it's never enough or good enough and she doesn't appreciate ANYTHING.

It also bothers me that my parents were a lot harder on me (in a good way that i appreciate now that I understand the value of a dollar, and appreciate my ability to work) and I wonder why they didn't instill the same values in her. If i missed the bus to school, i usually had to walk the 30 minutes to get there (which i did with no conflict), with her they just drive her so they don't have to handle a whole day of screaming, yelling, hitting the walls and freaking out.

I want to move out and get away from this situation, but my father is so old fashioned he doesn't believe I can move in with a boy until I'm married (i can't afford a place on my own) and he thinks children out of wedlock are a serious sin (but that situation is a whole different topic) so I can't escape or move out or my father won't speak to me again, but if I stay it's driving me CRAZY. I'm trying to arrange to go to consuelling but I'm scared if my dad finds out since he thinks consuelling is a sin and if people knew I was in consuellling people would look down upon our family.

I feel trapped and like any move I make that would be good for me will just make my life worse

Please give me ANY suggestions you may have, I've been so depressed latey and can't enjoy anything in my life. It's been this way for a year, but my sisters been like this forever.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-05-2010 11:59 AM

It sounds like your sister does have a lot of mental and emotional problems going on right now. And this is isn't going to get any better without her getting professional help. Right now, your parents are in a position to get her that help whether she thinks its the best idea or not. In 2 years, however, they won't be able to do a thing about it. So I suggest strongly talking to your parents about the fact that once she is an adult... there will be little to no hope of getting her to see a doctor until she good and well (maybe never) feels she should.

Right now the ball is in their court. And it sounds like they love her and want to help her, but they also fear her... her fits and her resentment so they just kind of go along with whatever keeps the peace. Thats fine, to keep the peace in your household for the time being... but once she is an adult and out there in the real world... people aren't going to tolerate her like her family does. You guys do, because she is still essentially a child and because she's family and you love her.

But could you imagine her living in a college dorm treating people this way? Her quality of life will be greatly diminished without some form of therapy or medication (if the doctors think she is requiring it) and right now is the time for your parents to take action and get her the help she needs while they still have some authority over her obtaining it.

Talk to them, without her present. Explain to them your concerns are not just the chaos she is causing your immediate family... but how she is going to cope in her future without treatment for these phobias, symptoms of OCd and raging fits. Perhaps they , themselves can seek out a professional that is equipt to deal with this, that will know how to handle her running out into an alley during a session etc... and that can try to get her safely (emotionally and physically) to the help she needs.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Please be strong and realize that your parents aren't coddling her or favoring her... it sounds like they simply don't know what to do. Who would? Its a hard thing to deal with. But they need to realize they can only bury their heads in the sand for so long before its too late to get her any help. As an adult she can simply refuse treatment and that will be that.

And please realize that what your sister is exhibiting to you is not her true nature, she sounds like she is ill and needs help. That doesn't mean you should pity her, or excuse her misdeeds... but that you should know that its her illness speaking when she says some of things she does and try to not take things personally.

I hope things get better within your family. You have no control in anything but yourself right now, so if your parents can't or just don't want to do anything about this and your sister doesn't either... you might want to look at saving up for a little place, some roomates, something... to get you out of the chaos where you could focus on your own life goals and happiness for a while.

**Jayla2251** · 07-06-2010 11:14 AM

Im so sorry what your going through! First off, since your father thinks counseling is a "sin" they probably wont be able to get her any help. Does he know that there are many mainly religious conseling? Maybe that would make his idea of it being a sin gone and could help both you and your sister. Do you have any friends that are female that you could be a roomate with? I think the best option is for you to get out of the picture and let them deal with "their" problem. Im glad they raised you right, but they have got to deal with this. You shouldnt have to be the parent and get her help. They also dont realize this could be a lifelong commitment with her. They let her do as she pleases, then if she ever tries to go out in the world - she wont make it period. So she will say "well I can go back to moms and dads they let me do whatever I want". That's a lot financially, and emotionally.

I know how hard it is, when you see a sibling hurting your parents, from first had. And it wont always be easy. My sister was total wreck for 2 years and no matter how many times I told my mother to stop, she never did, even when it hurt her even more. I just had to step back and tell myself "Ive told you how to resolve this problem, and you wouldnt be sitting there crying about it if you had listened" and just listen to her. You can only give advice so many times.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-08-2010 04:09 AM

and she is terrible to my father who also gives her everything she wants even if my mother says no.

All I can say to you, is you are your Daddy's daughter and trust me when I say, things smooth over later in life, trust me.

Things they thought maybe were too rough for you, they've eased on her.

Yet, they still hold the strings with you, that's un-fair like I said to my parents, you had me, but I have my own life.

I think that even though she is given everything the one thing she isn't given is LOVE and in that, she rebels, she is angry..

Gifts don't do anything.

For you, move, do what you want, it will sort itself out over the next few years.

With her, tell her YOU LOVE her and ask her what she hates about the family, your her sister, and you feel the same way.

You'd be suprised at the answer you will get.

CW

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