Thread: Sister-In-Law Problems!!!

My brother has been married to my SIL for nearly 30 years. She has been in my life since I was a young girl and knows me very well. About six years ago, I started dating her brother...who is divorced and who I have always had a "thing" about!!. Things were fine for a while, until I started noticing that she was being slightly "off" with me and was always making sarcastic comments about my boyfriend (her brother) Ex-wife - although she thought they were funny!. It finally reached a point when I was fed up with her being disrespectful to me and asked her to stop referring to his ex-wife as I didn't find what she was saying funny anymore..her reply was "yes it is funny". She also told me that if "I was in a relationship with someone I couldn't handle, it was my problem, not hers"!!!????? I've never understood what that meant as I am not jealous in the slightest of my boyfriend's ex-wife and never will be. After that she continued to be "off" with me and my Mum and would never mention my boyfriend's name (her brother) in front of me or my Mum. I should point out that my boyfriend was in the Navy and was away at Sea for long periods of time and would only keep in touch with me - she would never ask me about him when he was away!. Following a family bbq - at which she made it blatantly obvious that she didn't want to come and proceeded to leave early, my Mum and her had an argument the next day. She asked my Mum to leave her house, which she did. Following that my Mum went back to apologise as things had got a bit heated etc, again she was told to leave. My Mum has now tried five times to apologise to this woman, or should I say little girl. Each time she has been told that "it will make no difference, as she is happy not talking". She also said that my Mum had given her "a life of ", this is so untrue as my parents have treated her like a daughter! and this was the first argument they have had in almost thirty years. She doesn't speak to me or my Mum at all and will only call my boyfriend on his mobile phone (never the house phone) and only visits him at home when she knows that I am at work. My brother has told me that she is paranoid about my boyfriend (her brother) and doesn't want to see him get hurt (!!) as he rushes into everything and always makes the wrong decisions!!!!. It is now nearly six years that we've been together and we are just as happy as the first day we started dating, if not happier. I can't understand my SIL actions and her treatment towards my Mum (who is elderly) - my SIL had always made it known that she didn't like her own Mother and preferred to be around her husband's family (my brother) instead of her own - this has sinced changed and she is always at her Mother's house, organising nights out etc - to which I or her brother (my boyfriend) are never invited. Is she jealous or can anyone understand her actions??? Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings!!!!

It sounds to me like she's afraid of losing her brother to you... or not wanting to share him with you. Have you ever thought about maybe sitting down and writing her a letter telling her how you miss the relationship you used to have with her and you love her brother and it's upsetting to not have her blessing since you have clearly proven that this isn't just a fling (six years and still going strong is long term).

She said that she feels closer to your family than her own.... in the letter or if you are able to speak face to face tell her to remember when she first got into the relationship with your brother how it would have felt if you and your mum treated her the way she has been treating you. She needs to realize that you guys are all family and she needs to get over or let go of whatever it is that bothers her about your relationship.
Was she close to her brothers ex-wife? Could it be the way that relationship ended that is the root of the problem? Or her relationship with her ex-sister in law?