Do you think hitting children is wrong?

**babycakes** · 07-12-2010 07:01 AM

Well I was just wondering if you all would think that spanking a child for punishment is wrong. Since there are 24 countries that consider laying hands on a child is illegal, I would like to know what you all think about this. I'm only 19 and no I don't have kids.

**WildChild** · 07-12-2010 07:10 AM

Children learn not just what you say but even more so what you do. Hitting aka spanking teaches that hitting is an acceptable means of getting someone to do what you want, that it is OK to hurt another as a means of control, that bigger people can get what they want through intimidation, that reasoned behavior is negated by violence, might makes right - all the mesages are negative. If you think about these are things that we deal with on an international level. The abused often grow up to be abusers, whether in a household or a nation.

Studies in more than one nation have found that people who are spanked are more likely to have violence as a feature of their adult relationships and their sexual behavior.
Sadly I've seen stats that as many as 80% of Americans hit infants and toddlers.

**KMonte85** · 07-12-2010 07:52 AM

I don't have kids either babycakes, but I can tell you that I was spanked as a child when I was really naughty or defiant. I'm not an ax murderer, abuser, or violent. I think a lot of the issue comes up in how a parent handles the idea of spanking. Are they hitting the kids for every minor misbehaving, or only when they've been given several warnings and are still being quite naughty? Are they hitting like they're banging a drum causing physical pain, or giving a pat on a diapered bum that makes the punishment less physical, more mental...

**IrishGal** · 07-12-2010 11:18 AM

Personally I'm not a fan of spanking. I agree with the above comments and must say that spanking only teaches children that its ok to hit. Althought depending on the age of the child.. sometimes using words as a form of guidance or direction isnt always enough..sometimes you do need to do something to get their attention and make them remember that they should not repeat a certain behavior. Many studies show that inorder to end a behavior the child must immediatley undergo some type of aversive condition (something they dont like) in this case it would be spanking. While it definetly is something that gets the childs attention and could also make the child not want to repeat the behavior again in fear of being spanked. But at the same time.. its not teaching the child the correct morals. Its not teaching the child that their behavior was bad..its only showing them that they dont enjoy being spanked. At some point children will try to find ways to get around the punishments while still repeated that same bad behavior. In my opinion a better way to direct a child away from a bad behavior.. is to guide them towards a good behavior and then give them lots of praise for it. This is positive reinforcement and I've had lots of positive experiences with this. In my opinion that would be the most successful way to go.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-12-2010 02:45 PM

I don't claim to know whats right or wrong for other people... only what I feel is right and wrong in my own life. I do not and have never spanked my child. I find something wrong inside my own heart about hurting someone to make a point. All the same reasons that can excuse spanking can excuse fighting amongst other kids... or even domestic violence.

Things like... teaching a lesson, showing who is in control, training someone not to say or do certain things by hurting them if they do. Oh Sara called you a 4 eyes and you hit her? Fighting isn't okay, johnny! "But I just wanted her to know what she said was bad and not to ever say it again".

I don't know how you can teach respect of others through non-violence, when you use violence to gain respect through spanking. Thats kind of what comes across my mind when I have ever wondered if I was doing the right thing by not spanking.

But to each their own on that, some people have very good reasons why they do what they do or are planning on doing it.. and those are reasons close to their own heart and what they feel is right and wrong.

A lot of people I've spoken to on the issue, their response is... I was spanked, my brothers and sisters were spanked, we all turned out great -- spanking is the way to go.

And there is no way in the world I can argue with their results or feelings on the issue. To spank or not to spank is a very personal parental decision. I'd never judge someone that thought it was the right thing to do as long as they were reasonable and not excessive as I don't expect every parent to think or feel how i do. But I just could never do it, and couldn't see myself ever starting.

**babycakes** · 07-14-2010 11:48 PM

Well i'm just asking in general. Because I know that some people who find that even spanking a child is abuse.

**Mes T** · 07-15-2010 12:06 AM

To echo what others have said, statistics actually show that spanking (or physical punishment in general), AT BEST, teaches children to learn how not to get caught. It doesn't actually stop the troublesome behavior. This is one of the reasons why corporal punishment in school is becoming illegal in many countries.

Moral, immoral, whatever it is, the truth of the matter is that it. does. not. work. as a form of punishment.

Personally I would never spank my children, but KMonte makes a good point... What if you just tap them on the bum, not with the intent of causing a sting, but more of a psychological humiliation type deal. In any case that's a type of spanking I'm a tad more inclined to understand.

**Maximus** · 07-15-2010 01:43 AM

I am surprised that the question is even asked.
What lesson is physical pain supposed to teach ? At best the best delivering the punishment gets to express his anger, and out of bad conscience might want to sugar-coat this feeling with some dubious educational views.

When a person gets to the point where hitting his child is considered, that person should carefully look into himself/herself because clearly a lot of things have gone misunderstood or plain missing.
Is it simply taking advantage of your physical predominance and supposed authority on a person who is not yet able to articulate his thoughts and feelings ?

Hitting does not teach any valuable lesson, except to teach the child that when an adult runs out of options he/she will use his physical advantage.
What will happen when your child grows to become a teenager taller and stronger than you ?
Your option will be to kick him/her out of the house ?

**Mes T** · 07-15-2010 01:47 AM

Sigh. I sure wish my South Korean co-teachers could read this. One in particular beats her students on the head, face, anywhere, and then feels very guilty about it and buys them ice cream. Ummmmmmmmm..........

**stressed** · 07-15-2010 10:33 AM

Never been spanked or slapped or anything whatsoever by my parents. Bf thinks that a little smak on the cheek might be okay with children (at most), but I don't see myself ever doing anything like that. His parents probably did that a little bit but since mine never behaved like that I'd probably never consider doing it either. Not that I turned out a saint, but I respect them even more for not having done anything like that. Both my parents have been in at least one such nasty situation by their own parents, so I guess that's why they never wanted to repeat it to their children.