Ok, so I have heard women complain that their husband spends too much time with friends. Then there is the porn complaints. My complaint is that my husband is obsessed with spending time with his dad. They have to talk almost every night, the weekends are worse. They have to talk about fishing and hunting ALL the time. He can be on the phone with his dad for over 3 hours! If we have any conversation, his dad's name has to come into it. I told him I want to take up walking after work, "yeah, dad is doing that". We need directions to somewhere, "I'll call dad, he'll give it to us." "I gotta call dad to find out how to cook this"....."dad, wants us to come over for dinner", "dad wants us to go 4-wheeling", "I am going fishing with dad", "dad wants me to go set up a camera in the hills to see what MIGHT walk by for us to hunt later", "dad wants me to go BACK up to GET the camera to see what actually walked in front of it".....on and on and on.....now, I need to tell you DAD is married to my husbands mom....and there is a whole other story there....I am not comfortable around her because of some stuff that happened before I was married to my husband (there is a scum welfare girl that has his baby from a drunken one night stand-before he met me-and they play tons of games with us) so the atmosphere around his parents is not comfortable for me. BUT I will go with him on a regular basis to socialize with them because it means a lot to him. He knows I am uncomfortable (and so is he about the situation) but all he cares about it hanging out with his dad...every single weekend. He keeps saying, "my dad isn't going to be around forever (his dad is in his mid 50's) so I want to spend as much time making memories as possible." It's a huge problem. I am even seeing a counselor about all the problems we have because of his inability to break away and be more of a husband than a little boy playing with his dad. NO, there is nothing weird or sick going on between him and his father...they are BEST FRIENDS, but act like they are teenagers that have no responsibility in life. His dad leaves his wife home all the time to go fish or hunt. It isn't your normal life where the husband makes plans to hang out with the guys for a yearly fishing/hunting trip. It is open season here all but 1 or 2 months....so they are constantly going fishing/hunting. And it is all day from 4am to 9pm. I get left home all the time so he can spend time with his dad. If I complain he gets mad and tells me that as soon as his dad dies I will be happy. That is not true. I know he likes to spend time with him, but it seems like neither of them can go a day without knowing what the other person is doing. Usually that is how you are to your husband or wife. My counselor says that it is not normal the amount of time they spend together...but if I mention that I don't want to spend every weekend with his parents, he gets mad and says "what are we supposed to do?, not spend any time with our friends?"...well, I don't consider them to be "friends" that we should constantly HANG OUT with....I want friends our age with some common interests we can share so we have more time as a married couple. I am getting to the point where I hate when his father calls....I like his dad, but our lives revolve around him! How do I get my husband to see how he acts about his dad is not natural?

Tink, you've walked into one of those wierd situations
where you will always be the 'outsider.'

There is no sense in you staying home alone.
It is time for you to find engrossing outside interests.

Whether you double up on your job, whether you
become involved in politics, environoment, you need
something very important in your life.

Something that you have to go to every day or
every other day.

The situation will never change, in fact,when his
father dies you will be blamed.

"You never liked him!"
"You begrudged me every minutes I spent with him!"
"You're happy he's dead."

And then he'll find reasons to go to the cemetary
every other minute, or whatever it is.

It seems clear that Dad can't bear being around
his wife, hence his way of dealing with it is to be
away.

Your husband prefers being with his father to you.
Don't make it an either or.

If his Dad met a gal and started an affair, he wouldn't
know he had a son; but you can't wait for that to
happen.

I can think of an analygous situation in which the
husband was very much involved with a team, and
had to spend a great deal of time on it.

His wife spent a great deal of time with her boyfriend.
Eventually she decided there was no sense in bothering
with the husband, filed a divorce and left.

The interesting part of the situation, is that the wife
as a parting shot, told the husband that the affair
had been going on for ten years.

He had never even been suspicious...
he was so busy with the team he didn't realise
his wife was having an affair.

Another woman, in a similar situation, was accused
by her husband of having an affair..."Catch me."
she said quietly.

He didn't have the time to catch her, his interests
were so important to him.

Now I am not saying that you go to a bar and pick
up men, or hang a shingle, I'm saying get yourself
some engrossing interest so that you don't even know
if he's with his father or home, because you are so
busy doing something else.

Thanks Kaylar...it is pretty hard to deal with. I know if I have other interests that take me away my husband will get upset. Not that I don't want other interests. I had to give up my two best friends right before we got married because of the little that had his kid (you responded on another thread about that), so I don't have anyone to hang out with. We are going on a cruise for our honeymoon (we have only been married for 5 months, together 2 1/2 years) so we will get time away from his father for one week. It wasn't like this until we got married. He was pretty absorbed with his friends when we were living together. I have told him that I am going to get a part time job to keep me busy so I am not always alone at home....he said he really doesn't like that idea but I should do what makes me happy. I did tell him that eventually we won't do anything together because he is so busy with his father and I am working a second job and we will grow apart. He said he doesn't want that but still puts no boundaries on their relationship. I wish we could move far away (another suggestion you gave me in another thread because of his mother and the little that has his kid), but that isn't going to happen. I love him very much, but I can't handle all this family time. He needs to be a grown up and realize I am his family.

I know someone who had a similar situation,(for diff reasons)
H could be out but wanted W to stay home.

One night W went out. She didn't tell anyone, in fact
she didn't know she was going on, but just got fed up.

She wound up at an opening of some club, and it was
free drinks and lots of people, and all sorts of introductory
things, and she was having a great time.

Suddenly, it was near 4 in the morning and she raced
home, terrified. But he hadn't come in yet.

She never told him she had been out.

She became a regular at the club, and enjoyed karaoke...
which she'd never imagined she would. And she met
lots of people.

She never told H.
H never noticed she hadn't been home, because
he hadn't.

I don't know the result of the incident, but I know
that she goes out when she choses, and he hadn't
a clue.

This kinda reminds me of when my father in law visited new york. He would constantly ask my husband to do this and that with him including drinking alcohol everyday. My husband excuse was that his father was on vacation and will be going back soon, i understood that but at the same time i felt as though his father didn't realize he had a wife to spend time with also. So i know how you feel tink, i know your situation seems worst since your father in law isnt there on vacation. I dont understand why your husband would say that his father wont be around forever, how does he know you would not be around forever too? As kaylar said find something else to do, wether its a part time job or whatever, maybe when he and his dad are not together and you are in work he will realize what hes missing out from you. I hope things will work out for you and him.

My fiance has a very interesting father. At first I thought it was just me but as I began to meet the family they all asked the same question "How you like his dad?" He is such a hard man to deal with never wrong and still treats my fiance like a kid. My personality type loves to talk and be around people but I cannot talk to this man. Everything is a debate. He is very intrusive. Makes off the wall comeHe asks personal questions about the status of our relationship. There is so much more I cannot even figure out where to starte. There have been many incidents where he has overstepped his bounds but last night was the last straw.

We just got a new house and his sister wanted to see it. In the pit of my stomach I knew his father was going to tag along. He got there chatted with my fiance for a bit and then said "Excuse us I need to talk to my kids outside. It's a family matter. You don't mind do you?" I looked at hime literally speechless and then at my fiance who said nothing. He never says anything. I had cooked before they came over and we were supposed to be celebrating my last day of class for my Master's degree. That was shot to . His father ruined what was supposed to be the first worry and obligation free evening I have had in 2 years. I just wanted it to be me and my fiance. When they left they didn't even come in and say goodbye to me. He treated me like that in my home and my fiance said nothing. Afterwards my fiance said that I was making a big deal out of nothing when i told him the "It's a family matter" comment hurt me. Makes me question why he is so eager to come to his defense and not mine. When am I really family?

Now I see that I have to just stay out of his presence and I am done trying to be nice to this man. It makes me so thankful for my father. But I'm worried about how this will work out down the road. Will I blow up eventually?

Um, absolutely, to the last comment.

Your Father-In-Law to be is "opinionated" and as such he'll always love arguments to prove he is right.

He is also, a control freak - a leader - all must follow.

Possibly even when you marry, he'll say "excuse me family matter", as you haven't been in it long enough, or your not blood as to the reason if you asked why? I am?

Your Fiance probably never ever stood up for himself but hopefully he doesn't have similar traits? Or, else you'll get it from all ends... lol...

We can choose our friends/partners but not our parents...

Distance will also cause grief in the long run...

I'd jokingly start standing up for myself.

My Father is a bit opinionated ( alot ), but he is such a softy with lots of love to...

My Sister-in-law ( 25 years later ) and him get on real well, because she gave him what for after getting over the fear of him, lol, and still does but in a jokey way, not nasty ... That seems to go down with his ego, a bit like flirting.

If that makes sense..

So, not disagreeing with him on everything but oh come on, you know I'll be family soon, might as well let me in now, type of thing and laugh but walk of...

Good luck!!