Feel as though my parents don't care

**snuffie** · 08-02-2010 01:16 PM

Over the last 12 months I've had an increasingly difficult relationship with my parents and they have had difficulties in their own relationship, I am 21 so I understand that I am an adult and don't need mothering e.c.t but just small things, for my 21st birthday I got a card, and that was it niether of my parents wished me happy birthday on the day, no small gift nothing, niether are interested or showing interets in attending my graduation from university, or attending any of my concerts. They enquire of my whereabouts but I feel as though it's just wanting to keep tabs on me rather than actual interest of my activities.

My mum I feel is more wrapped up in herself and her anxiety and job and my father in his friends than me. I really just feel that they are not interested in me. I know I am an adult but some affection would be nice, I feel I am just here to contibute financially.

**AliceJW** · 08-04-2010 11:01 AM

I'm sure that although it may seem as if your parents are not currently really emotionaly invested in your life and in all the things you're doing, that they are.
Sometimes we often forget to look at our parents as just simply other human beings and sometimes they just like everyone else get wrapped up in other things and concentrate on other stuff than things that may be important to us but they don't realize it or if they do they don't vocalize it.
I think the best thing to do in this situation is to have a talk with them about how you feel and see what happens from there. Either that or instead of expecting them to ask you things you can just go outright and tell them and maybe then they'll open up a little more towards you.
Hope this helps a bit.

**Olympia** · 08-04-2010 01:14 PM

In agreement with AliceJW,
As you have stated here, voice this towards you parents. A discussion. They mayfeel they are too intrusive in your life.. I do not know.. They may be waiting for you to ask, invite...... their opinion, request to attend and so on...
Sometimes as parents, we get caught up in our work and forget or neglect things. And we need a reminder or a nudge, sort of speak...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-05-2010 02:08 AM

Look at it this way..

Once you were a child, they had to check up all the time, attend everything, be there all the time.

One day the child grew up, and finally they could re-claim their lives, all be it that it's stressful still for them, your mum sinking into Anxiety, your Dad, confort from being around his mates.

Isn't that what parents are meant to do? They need to live their life now as well...

It would never, ever, have been a chore but it's alot of work, attending concerts all the time, every year and other hobbies that you had... Seems they have alot happening in their lives.

I think you will find they do see you as an Adult. They do care, still hense the "checking up", but as an Adult they don't feel that you need them anymore, preferring to be on your own, or only with your friends as most would.

We can't "mind read" either, mostly.. So if they are thinking the above, they don't know that your thinking it as neglect.

Tell them as the others have stated, that you'd "love" for them to come to your concerts sometimes, you miss that.. Tell them, that you felt a tad hurt for your birthday, just a card, no happy birthday, it's not the present. My Mother forgot mine once, as she was self absorbed with problems at that time.

It's life I am sure it wasn't deliberate sweet.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-06-2010 01:22 PM

Sometimes we often forget to look at our parents as just simply other human beings

Oh SO true!!! As children from the day we're born, our parents existence revolves around us and to some extent we feel entitled to get special attention from our parents even when we're adults.

But the thing we have to remember is that our parents raise us, nurture us, sacrifice for us and want to see us grow into healthy happy adults. Once we become adults, it's not that they no longer care, but for the first time in 18+ years they don't HAVE to do things for you...they can focus their attention on themselves, and rightfully so.

I know it seems hurtful....but try to give them the benefit of the doubt. they wouldn't just suddenly stop caring about you. They're just having their own lives now and dealing with their own issues. And now, they want to be your "friend" not your "parent". They are human. Feelings, emotions, insecurities, etc etc etc......they have them all. I remind myself of this daily when it comes to people in my life and it really makes me look at how I treat people, what I expect of them, etc.

OR, you could just have rotten horrible parents....... but I doubt it.