Seriously betrayed by sister in law...

**Julia Bradley** · 08-08-2010 05:57 PM

I want to know what people think I should do... do I just let this go or do I talk to her or what?

My sister in law and I did not get along when she and my brother first met. It was a constant silent battle between the two of us.

I know that I was partially to blame, as well as she was. But in December 2008 my father passed away unexpectedly and we became much closer.

As time has gone by we became really good friends and called each other our sisters, etc... She was just my matron of honor and I thought we had an amazing relationship now.

So the problem is this: I went on my computer and her email was up. Although I did not realize it at first and I was looking for my husband and my airline itinerary, I searched our names in the search box. That was when I realized that she must have used my computer and logged in but did not log out.

I should have turned it off then but I read one of the emails that she had sent to her boss, where she was asking for a "check" on my at the time fiancee and having her boss get a cop to help find out any dirt on him. First of all this made me sick b/c in it said that my brother knew she was doing this, secondly because they obviously doubt him. That is when my curiosity got the best of me (and before anyone goes on about how I should have shut the computer down, yes I KNOW!!!).

I found emails she had written to one of her friends about me (mostly before my dad passed away) and how: I am greedy, she doesnt understand why my parents think I am the responsible one when I am obviously a slacker, how I was talking about moving before my father passed away and "good riddance" if I did move, that I would never want them to have kids b/c then it would not be about me, that it would be a miracle if I ever got married b/c I am too selfish, that I was a liar, etc. Then she was saying to a friend how my family was going to do a surprise birthday party for me and she said "how do you have a surprise birthday party for someone who is always late and always looks messy, you cant exactly tell them to try and look nice".

This is just the beginning of some of the things that she said. She was laughing with her friend and saying just really truly horrible things about how great it felt to make me feel bad or look bad in front of people and she told her friend 2 VERY VERY VERY personal things about me that really should have never been repeated.

I did not tell her these things but obviously my brother did.

She went on about how the only time I went to see my step-grandmother when she was dying so I could get things. The way that she went on and on really honestly made me seem like the worst, most selfish person in the world.

I am truly shocked and sick over this b/c even though we did not get along, I would have NEVER thought these things, much less said them. The way she was talking about me was truly hateful and I just dont know what to do. I feel like there is no way I could trust her now to talk to her about this b/c I feel like everything I have ever said or done has been turned around to make me look bad and been twisted and I feel like she would just run back to this friend laughing that she has hurt me so much like this.

The worst part is that we leave for a family vacation tomorrow and now I am absolutely dreading going b/c I can not even imagine trying to act like everything is ok... Please let me know how to handle this but please try not to lecture about how I found these emails! I am really at a loss and am devastated that these things were said about me, especially by someone I had grown so close to and trusted.
Thanks!

**carc138** · 08-08-2010 06:54 PM

Well, were ALL of the bad emails from before you became close? A person can change you know and if she did dislike you before your father's death, it could have been because she never gave you a chance and the death made her do so.

I feel like if the rude emails slowed to a stop as you became closer than it may be a thing of the past. I understand that she told her friends your problems... but if it was before you got to know her than your relationship is completely different now. It doesn't make what she did right. It just may mean that she regrets it already and has changed now.

**Julia Bradley** · 08-08-2010 07:21 PM

Thank you so much for responding!!! Most of them were from before my dad passed away. There were one or two from a few months after but she and this friend dont email anymore. I think they talk on facebook so I wouldnt really know if she has said anything else. I would like to think that she has changed but I am not sure because even before we got close, I would have NEVER expected anyone to say such hateful things... and then to laugh about it. I guess because regardless of our feelings, I feel like we became family the day she married my brother and family is supposed to protect family. I just dont know if I should let it go or if I should talk to her about it. I have always been the kind to talk about things but regardless of what she says, I dont think I would trust her either way.

**jns** · 08-08-2010 07:22 PM

So she is no longer mean about you. Her personality is such that she is that way to others. Look for hidden meanings in anything she says. Limit your interaction with her and never open up to her or it could be used against you in the future. And don't talk to her. It serves no purpose.

**Julia Bradley** · 08-08-2010 07:37 PM

I am still careful about what I say in front of her. There has always been a jealousy issue there because of her own family which is why I think our relationship got better when my dad passed away. I hate now that I had opened up to her because now I realize that she will absolutely disregard respect for people and tell whatever. I know it is one thing to slip up and say stuff but in the emails it was clear that she was telling her friend anything and everything to have something to talk about me for and literally tear me apart. I know that although we get along now that because of the jealousy thing I do have to be careful b/c you can tell in comments and facial expressions what she is thinking and like I said, although it is better there is still a jealousy problem. This just gives me such a horrible feeling in my gut to feel so betrayed...

**workout** · 08-08-2010 08:59 PM

Well, its horrible timing that this had to happen right before a trip! If I were you and had your personality I would talk about it. It seems that you are the type that needs to be open about this. What about talking to your brother? If you tell him what you found out maybe he can bring sense to the whole thing.

**Julia Bradley** · 08-08-2010 09:27 PM

I had thought about talking to him but decided it is probably best not to. Any time she had issues with myself or my mom before, she would start crying and get him upset with us. No matter what the problem was, it was never handled just between us, he was always brought into it.

That is why I had thought that I shouldnt say anything to her at all just to not get a riff in the family. My brother and I have always been extremely close so that makes these issues a little harder b/c I dont want to create problems with the whole family. I am so confused by this whole thing and how to handle it. It is literally eating away at me!

**hizenberg** · 08-09-2010 05:01 AM

sounds like typical girl yness, i dont have many female friends actualey, i only have 1 lol female friend because they are es.it was then ,not now and you guys have gotten close,try not to let it get inbetween your closness you both have, just mention to her that you realy like that you guys have gotten close and leave it at that, no use going over somthing that was said in the past as you guys are now 'sisters', she will proberley regret it and be imbarassed by he actions, just let it go.

**workout** · 08-09-2010 09:57 AM

Ok so I know you are upset with what you read but I agree with the others... you should regard those messages as happening before you two became "sisters" and let it go.

I know its going to be hard but think of her as being a different person now! She probably thinks about how horrible those messages were and regrets them all now!

**Julia Bradley** · 08-12-2010 03:50 PM

Thanks everybody... I am trying to keep all this in mind as we are all on vacation together. Although I wont forget what she has said, I am trying to move past it. I have since realized that the jealousy that I thought was gone is not completely gone but is better than it was in the past. I think I will just be cautious with the things I do and say around her but not mention anything because I do not want to cause a huge family tiff... but thank you all so very much for your thoughts and encouragement. I think what you all said is what I really needed to hear!!!