crazy in laws...their baaaaaaack!!

**Kallygirlie** · 08-30-2010 08:22 AM

first let me says YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I knew I could scream here

Well a while back I got advice from you ladies about my fiance's family (of course before the engagment). Things calmed down but over the weekend everything came back twice as bad. Basically his family is upset we never come see them. Now the way this came up this weekend just floors me. My fiance said we'd come over on Saturday, they said they were busy, so him and I made other plans. They decided that they'd be home around 2-3 and wanted us to come over, we flexed our plans to fit this in. We get to their house at 2:45 and they are no where to be seen. We call and they are still at his aunts house over an hr away, had not even left yet, never attempted to tell us this. So we leave and go on about our day. Next thing we know, his own mother is bashing us on none other than a status msg on Facebook. Saying how they didn't know they had to keep such a tight schedule on their day off. How is it our fault they didn't keep there plan with us? So now we are back to them saying how I see my family more than them. So not the case!! Difference between my family and his, is when mine misses me, they call me. When his misses him, they give us the 3rd degree about not calling them or coming to them.

Heres the newest low. They now are mad because I see him more than they do. I mean really? Can we say DUH!! We do live together and all. This all comes after he proposes last Sunday and we spend most of the day with his family afterwards. Saturday was the first day him and I had to celebrate (his work schdule keeps us apart). Last time this came up, i kept my mouth shut to them but I have my limit. Seeing him tearing himself apart while his brother and Sisters say how its like they dont have a brother anymore pushed me to far. Not once has any of his siblings called him to say hi. They rag on him for only texting them a Happy Birthday (even his mom) but thats all he's gotten from them on his bday. They throw out untrue claims like he was more worried about being at my dads with me on his moms bday when in fact I was working and he was at his parents house with his mom. They live 40 mins from us. The closest grocery store or walmart to them is 2 miles from our house but never have they told us they were in town. Excuse me, they have 1 time and we jumped out the door to go meet them, even if it meant just walking around a store with them.

they keep saying how we are only thinking of ourselves and not listening to thier side of the story. oh im listening and its tickin me off. Him and I have both talked and said we are terrified to bring a child into this. Lord knows they are really gonna go bananas when we dont bring our sick child out to visit. He offered to come over today since we missed them on saturday (this was prior to the blow up) and it wasn't good enough for them. I'll admit, he doesn't call as often has he could. He'd forget to breath if it wasn't natural. but the phone does work both ways and they NEVER call him.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP before I smack someone upside the head

ok so im not violent but I girl can dream

**jns** · 08-30-2010 08:33 AM

They will just have to get used to the new rules and that they can no longer bully your fiance to the same degree as before. It will take time for them to learn this. Hopefully they will learn. Good luck.

**KMonte85** · 08-30-2010 09:26 AM

I have a feeling this whole situation reared its ugly head again strictly because of the engagement and now his family is feeling insecure, and they're "acting out"

As long as your future hubby has your back and doesn't encourage their behavior you will be okay - having a united front to deal with them is key. Of course, it won't be any less annoying, but at least you and hubby know that you're not the crazy ones and you two can come up with some ground rules for his family (what to do when the guilt trips start, how to react to MIL's antics to get a rise out of you, etc)....

**Kallygirlie** · 08-30-2010 10:16 AM

I really dont think they will ever get used to the new rules. Its been about a yr and a half. They even tried to prove a point by saying if they didn't care they wouldn't have came to see the proposal cause it was done in a church and aren't church goers. Guess they wont be to happy at the fact that we are planning a very tradition church wedding.Trust me, Im sure they will tell us that we need to not only think of ourselves for our wedding as well. is it so bad that I'm sick of caring what EVERYONE else wants. I mean I care, but i can revolve my life around them and thats what they want. My fiance feels the exact same. He's even running out of ways of tell them this. Last time this came up, the argument blew up so bad between him and his sister that she stood up and starting threatening to punch him in the face. When I first met them, I thought they were a very sweet family. Always seemed closer and happy. Well the verdicts out on that now.

**mrs.chrisco2** · 09-05-2010 12:20 AM

my hubby an i have been married for almost a year an his dad is like this all the time! He in fact said that i have disrespected him in some way (i dont know how i have been nothing but nice to him) an that he wouldnt respect me till i said i was sorry....so finally just the other day my husband flat out told him that he would either respect me an treat us both good or he could forget it....his dad s VERY jealous of me for some weird reason....so my advice is if it really bugs your man hen he needs to put his foot down an tell them how it is! i know it will be hard for him them and you but if he does it it will be a lot better than you finally at the point where you blow up lol (again been there) so just staytalk talk to him about it an tell him that if he wants them in your lives that he needs to say somethin or you will lol....thats what i finally had to do.....i would love to tell you that it works but idk still trying this out because i finally got him to say something about it earlier this week....so i hope this helps....GOOD LUCK

**Joy** · 09-05-2010 08:48 PM

So your finance seems to have played the role of the family punching bag his whole life. Since he has met you this has changed and they have no one to bully around and make feel guilty. They will learn he no longer wants that role and give up eventually - take the high road always and good luck!

**Momof4plusmore** · 09-07-2010 12:14 PM

So here is my advice. Play nice with the in-laws. Let your husband deal with his family. He has to learn to stick up for himself. Act nice to them and be supportive to your husband. If you need to vent stick to the facts. Don't put them down. This is his family. He has grown up with it and is used to it. If you start saying mean things about his family it will only cause him to get defensive and become resentful towards you. I had to learn this the hard way. After 12 years of marriage and my hubby's mother getting worse over the last 8 of them (after his father's death), my husband just finally saw the big picture about 3 years ago. A year ago she became emotionally unhealthy for our children to be around. I was very proud of my husband for stepping up and severing contact with her. He is very appreciative for my role (or lack there of) in everything. I'm not saying there aren't times you need to stand up for yourself, just do it tactfully and in private (-:

**Julietpinkrose** · 09-27-2010 05:23 AM

This story is probably sounding very familar to many women out there who have inlaws.

I understand your fustration and anger and what you are feeling at the moment. It is a very hard situation to be in.

I very much agree with Momof4plusmore, it is up to your fiance to speak to them, at the end of the day if a big argument happens, they will forgive their son but not you, which would make things very difficult for you when you have children of your own. However their will be times where you will need to stick up for yourself too.

Just hang in there and try not to stress too much about it. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is the love you and your fiance has for one another and dont let it affect your relationship.