my position so far , i talked to my son again and he just said what ever mum and never said another word so i think he has come round to the idea that his uncle is gay , my husband opened up to me last night saying that he is in two minds at the moment, one side is saying he doesn`t want anything more to do with him but the other side is saying if i dont speak to my brother and he does something stupid then he would never forgive himself , so he is making slow progress
What does he mean by speaking to him and him doing something stupid? Does he think he can talk him out of being gay? ....because he can't.
Hopefully you can get through to your husband that this is about love and acceptance, not 'making someone not gay'.
I think that means, if he doesn't talk to him, he assumes, his brother will be weak, and try to do something stupid, through non acceptance..
That's a big assumption
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Hi again Jackie - Glad to hear you are making some progress and at least your husband is opening up to you. This is just going to take some time for everyone to get used to. Don't forget not only is your husband trying to come to terms with the whole gay issue (which I'm guessing he is a bit anti about in general) but the bigger issue of realising that the sibling he was close to, grew up with and thought he knew well has been keeping a secret. He will be looking back wondering how come he never tiwgged and in a way feeling a bit betrayed and angry at what he sees as being duped. He will no doubt feel betrayed as the way it has come out - on facebook. It will not yet have crossed his mind that perhaps his brother was afraid to come clean with him!! There is no rhyme or reason to these feeling and Im not making excuses for him , just that he will need some time . The human mind is like a processing machine - he will not just snap into acceptance, he has to work through all he feels and in his own time too. Stand back, don't become embroiled in arguments about the whole thing - simply listen and he will get there eventually. If he feels you are trying to force him to accept something that he is not quite ready to accept he will withdraw and you will loose ground.I strongly believe that once the anger and confusion subside it will all work out.
As for your son - what a typical 11 year old boy's (and 12,13,14,15 and 16!! year old) response. They are always non committal and never want to get into a big discussion. (3 teenage brothers growing up and 2 teenage sons now - so I'm quite the expert!!!)The real triumph here is that he has seen you behaving very reasonably around a big issue in your family and working to keep lines of communication open. I cannot stress enough how this will help him in the future should he have a problem he needs to discuss. Ultimately - although he doesn't realise it, he is now seeing you not just a a cuddly mum doing mummy things which is probably what he has been used to but in a more adult fashion - as a strong woman who is keeping her head when all about her are loosing theirs!! You're doing a great job Jackie - hang in there!
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