21 and Older
Hello!
I have 2 stepkids that are 24 and 21 years of age and still live at home with us. They both have incomes and do not wish to continue to go to college. My husband lost his job over 5 months ago and receiving unemployment and registered in school. I am the only one supporting the household and all the finances. Both of my stepkids refuse to help clean the house, pay a utility bill, help buy groceries or even take out the garbage!! All they do is think of themselves. Every week they bring friends over, eat little food we have and make a mess in my home.
I work over 40 hours a week come home take care of the family, help out my son who is 14 with his homework, clean the kitchen after dinner then get ready for bed. My weekends I spend cleaning my house and doing laundry, no rest.
My husband and I have discussed about his kids paying rent and helping around the house, but for some reason it never seems to come to that point. When I question my husband if his kids gave him money for rent he brushes me off or starts to yell at me and then we start to argue. This seems to be a constant cycle every 3 months.
To this point I don't know what do anymore. I am actually ready to leave my husband.
How can I approach my husband again without arguing or I sounding like a mean person?
I feel for you... One would think your step "kids" would know better at this age.
Is the house under your name? Can you go to the kids directly and be like "This is what I need you to pay every month, and this is how I need you to help around the house. If this is too difficult for you then I will evict you." They've got no legal right to stay there against your wishes anyway.
House is under both husband and my name. Problem is, I think, my husband does not want his kids to pay in fear of them leaving him - he does not want them to leave him. He seems not to care what I go thru or feel. I did mention to my husband that the house is way too big for our cost of living and my suggestion is to move into a smaller home or apartment. My stepdaughter works graveyard so she sleeps all day and the Airconditioner "Needs" to be on ALL DAY so imagine my electric bill!! I had an anxiety attack for the past 3 months.
Why are you doing the house work and cooking when your husband isn't working? Why would the kids help out if their dad doesn't even help. If you are supporting everyone, you shouldn't have to lift a finger really. Not when there are 3 other able bodied adults that have more free time and aren't contributing. The kids are the way they are because of their dad, you're going to have to work on him first.
My husband is going to school and he helps cooks dinner if he gets home before me. He does the yard work (once a week) and cleans his garage, so he says he does his part. =/Originally Posted by sourpuss
A 21 and 24 year old who both work and are not in school have no business living at home. It's called entitlement... And your husband has given them every reason to believe that they are entitled to this.
Why wouldn't they want to live on their own? Seriously, start charging them $400 a month for rent, if it turns into an argument, so be it, someone has got to put their foot down, it is your house too.
Or stop doing anything in the house, when people wonder why dishes are not done, meals are not cooked, bathrooms are not clean, A/C or heat is not on, etc., maybe your husband and step 'Adults' will wake up. It is completely disrespectful towards you.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Sorry, that's not enough. What if you only cleaned your garage and left everything else to the others? Cleaning the garage? How often does that really need to happen anyway?
Have you tried just letting some things go? I know it's passive aggressive, but what if you only washed your and your son's clothes and when the laundry piles up, tell them since you're doing everything else, it's all you have time for. How much does your 14 year old help out?
My son, 14 year old cleans his room everyday, takes out the garbages every room (except step's rooms) every other day, Kitchen garbage everyday, walks the dog everyday. On Saturday's my son helps me dust the stair rail and vacuum the stairs. He gets his allowance. My son helps out on his laundry too. NOTE: My son is my husband's stepson.
Well, sounds like the two of you can survive just fine on your own, should it come to that. Why are you making your son do all that, yet being a doormat when it comes to your husband?
My son does it to help me, I don't ask him to clean on Saturday's he just grabs the swifter duster and dusts along with me. Doormat, husband? Not really, more to say his children seem to over rule him. I have noticed over the years that they are more of priority than me.
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