Thread: so very worried about my son

Hello, M yname is Kasey and I am extremely worried about my oldest child. He is 36 years old and I think he is depressed. I have wondered about it for a few months now. My DIL told my husband and myself that he has been very distant from her, said that he has been having a very hard time talking to her, can't find the words. He said maybe they needed to have a weeks separation because he does not feel like himself, he has never felt this way before and it scares him. He works night shift 11 pm to 7 am and does not sleep well during the day. I think he is mentally and physically drained. My husband attempted a conversation with him and he denied any problems, said he was fine. My husband told him he was here if he needed him. Is there anything else we could be doing or should we wait to see what his next move might be. My son has always been a closed book, never letting his feelings show. I just don't know how to help them. My DIL is frightened and anxious. She is very dependent on my son, both emotionally and financially and I believe it woul devastate her if he did something drastic. They have 2 kids, age 12 and 8. Thanks for reading and answering. Blessings to all of you. Kasey

My oldest brother went through this a few years back. Depression runs in my family and myself have struggled a few years back with it. The hardest part of all this is the fact he doesn't seem to say directly he is depressed. I don't understand why he would want to separate from your daughter in law for a few weeks, if there wasn't something wrong in the marriage. Are there any signs that he might be not happy within the relationship?
I would also ask him questions. You are his mother and a lot of times even adult children are more able to come to their mothers over their fathers. Being that it sounds like he is the soul supporter of the family, I'm taking if he is depressed it’s because of that. I say that because having a night shift and supporting a family of four, is not easy. Is there a chance of him losing his job? A lot of times even my husband at times struggles with being a soul supporter, because of this economy. I would also ask if he can move to the day shift at all possible. The night shift is just hard for a lot of people to adjust too. This is something my brother struggled with because at the time he was on a night shift which only pushed the depression deeper. I believe at the time his wife said there were even studies that showed depression higher in those who worked night shifts.
The best thing you can do is ask questions. Don't wait to see what’s next because you never know what that could be. Talking and communicating is very important. If he doesn't open up to your daughter soon, I would suggestion relationship counseling. That way not only if there is a problem with the relationship is brought out but as well as depression signs. Also if he refuses to go you and your daughter in law might seek someone in the counseling field for advice.
I wish you the best of luck. It’s hard for us mothers to see our children in any pain. I hope things turn around. God Bless.