Thread: My mother hates me

I guess i'm trying to understand y my mother calls me two-bit hoes and stupid es to my face and get people to come over to talk about me. I'm unemployed and looking for employment, while i'm looking, i decided to go to school so i would'nt have idle time on my hands. I'm failing because it's always something i am not doing. Today, the reason i am writing is because she told me i need to kill myself and rid my kids of me she says no one would miss me, and those words cut me so deep, it was hard to think. I've been to prison and just got out this year and did'nt have anywhere to go. So my mother let me leave in her house with my 17 year old son,,,, he hears how she belittles me and calls me all types of hoes and es, so it's hard to really talk to him, but i try.... I just don't know why she hates me so,,,,, i hurt so bad, sometime i think death is a great ideal, but i know that's just the devil trying to have his way...... I'm not an angel, i have faults and problems and i am working on being a better person and good understanding lovable mom.... But i feel so terrible about myself it's unreal.. My brothers and i are not close, because my mothers speaks so bad about me..... I want them to help me get a car, but, my mother tells them not to help me.... I am aways looking for employment anywhere i am ask about jobs.... So i want to work..... My son is graduating this year and i want him to go to college, my mother says "i don't love him because i don't want him to go to the military" she tells him i hate him, i just want him to follow his dreams and heart,whatever he decides i will support him... Military, college or just working... She says i'm stupid and ignorant for not pushing him into the military,,, which i feel is not for everyone. Any way i'm just wondering it is only me,,, or does anyone else have this problem. How much lord do i endure,,,,,, when lord will you release me from this pain. Can any one relate... She says my friend don't like me,, but she finds there numbers and talk bad about me..... And they wonder why would a mother lie on me,,,, i wonder the same thing y lie, y hate me so... I had an arugment with a cousin, because she says i should push my son towards college and not singing. I told her i support my son on whatever positive choices he make, but to worry about her own children first,,, of course she called and told my mother i was rude to her and my mother cussed my out and called me so many horrible names.... Then says that if i did'nt apologize she was going to kick me out. I told her i done nothing wrong so why should i apologize,, she told me i was nothing and meant nothing to no one in life and that everyone comes before me and i mean nothing to anyone so y not apologize,she is family and u are nothing, so you need to apologize... When i say god please help me... I really mean it..... I cant see clearly any more... I just want to b the best and want my children to be the best in spite of my wrongs.... To learn from my mistakes and do better than me, i give then love everyday, because i do not want them to every feel the way i feel... Some one please just talk to me if you can relate or if god has lead you to this page..

You came to the right place. It sounds like your mother is emotionally abusing you. I know it's hard sometimes to really fathom that this person who gave you life could abuse you....but it happens, and I believe it's happening to you.

Now... you've had a rough life, you've made some bad choices.....you did your time..you paid for your crime....and now it's time to move on with your life. Quit telling yourself that it's okay to be treated badly because of mistakes you've made. Quit telling yourself that you don't deserve any better. Quit telling yourself that you can't get out of this mess. Quit telling yourself that there's something wrong with you.

If your crime was a felony I realize it can be difficult to find employment. But you can. You have to start somewhere. That's your first step, because you have to make some money to get out of that house.

Do you have your GED? If not, get yourself enrolled in some classes to get it. If you do have your GED, get with a college counselor and apply for financial aid for some undergrad classes. You absolutely CAN do this.

In the meantime, please understand that your mother is an abuser if she's treating you like this. This is not about YOU. This is about her. What she says about you is NOT true, it's not how other people see you, it's about her and something in her that makes her need to drag someone down to feel better about herself. So know that. And as hard as I know it will be, try to let what she says go in one ear and out the other. Revert back to the old elementary school saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but your words will never hurt me!".

You are strong, you are capable, you have a child entering adulthood that NEEDS you to be an example for them, you have lots of love to give (and there are plenty of people out there that need love).......so find yourself a purpose, set your mind to it, and make it happen my friend. YOU are BETTER than this.