Trip of a Lifetime or Sister in Law...I need advice!!

**Amirra** · 10-06-2010 01:19 PM

Hey gals...I'm in a bit of a predicament, so I'm just going to tell you the basics:

My boyfriend and I are planning and have been planning a month long trip to Indonesia and Australia for about 6 months now, 2 weeks in Indonesia and 2 weeks in Aus. We're planning on meeting up with some friends who are already over there, and we're both really excited. Our friends said it would be best if we met up with them at the end of March/beginning of April...which worked out really well for me as I'm in accounting, and wouldn't be missing a quarter end at work or anything like that. That was about 5 months back. We've been looking for flights sinse, and planning.

***Insert dilemma***

A few months ago, my boyfriends sister found out she was pregnant with her first child, and needless to say, she is very excited and nervous. Her due date just so happens to fall on March 30th - right in the middle of our planned trip. Obviously, she isn't exactly happy with the fact that we're not going to be here, even though we've been planning this for quite some time now, and she's made that very, very clear. Because of our friends schedules, and my work schedule, mid March to mid April is pretty much the only time this will work, so rescheduling isn't an option. At this point however, we haven't booked anything.

The advice I'm looking for is this: if you were in my position, would you still go on the trip, or would you stay behind and be there for your sister-in-law? My boyfriend doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, but I suppose I'm just trying to put myself in her shoes. At the same time, if my sister was going on a vacation like that, I don't think I'd hold her back... I dunno. Ladies, what do you think?

Amirra

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-06-2010 01:41 PM

If you had the trip in the works before she found out she was pregnant, I'm not sure how she can expect you to cancel it all just because she got knocked up.

I understand this a life changing event in her life........... but I can honestly say if it were me, I don't think I'd be upset at all if my brother couldn't be at his niece/nephews birth if he were on a trip like that. While her event is life-changing.....so is yours!!!

Maybe he only has one sibling, but what if there were 5 sisters. Literally, someone could get pregnant every time you planned a trip!

I dunno....I think she's just being a bit selfish expecting everyone elses plans to change. This is a huge trip for you guys. I think I'd plan something really special for her before the trip, and then ask a family member to skype me into the delivery room or something so she can see you care about the birth of her little one.

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-06-2010 02:08 PM

What exactly do you mean your boyfriend doesn't see what the big deal is? Which way is he leaning? For me.....I see no dilemma. It isn't like this is your daughter pregnant. She is your boyfriend's sister. What exactly is she expecting you to do in those first couple of weeks? Millions of women have babies all the time and they don't have their brother's girlfriend there. Or their brother. My brother came to visit me in the hospital, but he didn't do anything special, and that is because we are super close. My baby was born 3 weeks early and was small, so it was one of my best girlfriends that ran to the mall and bought me a whole bunch of preemie outfits so he would have clothes to wear. I agree that she is being selfish and self-centered. Honestly, what if this were a business trip? Would you have to cancel? What if it were a trip with your family? The world does not revolve around her. On the same note, that was pretty selfish of her to get pregnant when she knew you had this trip planned! You've been planning this trip for longer than she knew she was pregnant.

**asiangrace** · 10-06-2010 02:44 PM

I think your sister-in-law is being extremely unfair to make you feel guilty about your vacation. You have had this trip planned out long before she got pregnant. If this is the time that works for you all of the parties involved, then you need to go on that vacation! don't deny yourself this pleasure.

And it's by my experience, that the mothers of new borns always have a wealth of visitors. Not that you guys won't be missed or anything like that, but she'll have plenty of people and a new baby to keep occupied to notice much.

**laulau** · 10-06-2010 03:10 PM

If she has other close family that can be there for her than yes, go on your holiday! How does your partner feel? Does he want to be there for his sister?

**ih8drama** · 10-07-2010 06:08 AM

I agree, she is being selfish. My family has never come to see me in the hospital when my babies were born, and it hurts a little but I would never waste my time making an issue of it. Since you already had the trip planned, perhaps you could tell her that it's already booked and you would lose your deposit if you cancel? I don't think lying is good, I swear I am a person of intergrity! However, when dealing with people who think the world revolves around them who lack the ability to empathize or understand someone else's perspective, a little white lie never hurts. It may avoid a huge conflict!

**Olympia** · 10-07-2010 07:43 AM

Amirra,

IMO, Go..! The chance may or may not present itself again.. You are single, no kids and your schedules at the moment are free at that time. And then there is... if you do not go you may regret and consciously or unconsciously hold that against her..
If possible call daily to check on her, there by letting her know you both care.. I do not agree with the OP post about lies:
I would not fib about anything... as they, (fibs) have a way of catching up to you. And once found out would cause resentment and mounting trouble..!

**pretzel** · 10-07-2010 07:57 AM

I agree with everyone else, GO........................

Besides, unless she already knows she's having a C-section and the doctor has already told her what date she wants to have the baby delivered, the due date is just a guess based on what she told the doctor.

My son, for example. When my ex was expecting and we told the doctor all the relevant info, the doctor told us that her due date would be around the beginning part of January. As that date approached and beginning in December of the prior year the doctor kept telling us after each weekly visit that she was progressing nicely and that the possibility of a December baby was real. Christmas came and went, New Years came and went, then another week passed and another and another and another. Finally after about 4-5 weeks of this, her dr. told us that is the baby wasn't born by Jan. 25th, to go to the hospital first thing Monday morning. Well, my son was born Jan. 26th.

My point is, due dates are relative and is really only based on the dr. best guess. You can't guarantee anything. So the one thing you can guarantee yourself is the plans you already have.

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-07-2010 09:24 AM

I agree about the not lying as well. But my reason is....people like her who think the world does revolve around them need gently reminders every so often that it doesn't! I would simply say, "I'm really sorry, but we've been planning this trip for a really long time--longer than you've been pregnant--and this is the only time we can go. I hope you understand, and we'll be home before you even miss us!"

**Amirra** · 10-07-2010 12:41 PM

Thanks for the advice. My boyfriend wants to go on the trip - and he's said the same thing as all of you. We actually had a really good chat with her last night about it - and I think she's starting to see it from our side. She's still unhappy that we're going, but as far as I can tell, she's starting to accept it. I was just a little torn after talking to some people at work. Some said 'Well if you don't have anything booked yet...this is a really big event in her life...' and some were saying the same as all of you. Sooo....we're definitely going! Thanks again ladies! (Maybe I'll just send her this link, HA!)

Amirra