Thread: So furious about MIL

Oh yeah, just so everyone knows. This has been going on almost a year now. A year of this.

A year of trying to locate her when she disappears. A year of her sleeping on our couch sometimes. A year of being lied to. A year of being manipulated. A year of her stalking him. A year a year a year.

This isn't just insanity that has been like going on a week. This is constant. Our lives have been constantly interrupted with drama including one time when we went out to eat and relax, and we got a call from my husband's sister telling us their mom was waiting outside our apartment for us and to go home. It's constant.

I would suggest not being available when she calls and shows up. Do not answer the phone and when she comes to the door, make sure it is locked and do not answer no matter how long she knocks.
If your husband wants to talk to her while he's at work, fine. If he wants to drive around looking for her, fine. Don't be available to be a part of it. Focus on school and your health and let him deal with it all until he's had enough.

It sounds like you're a little bit caught up in the drama of it all. But that's exactly what she wants. Any attention is good attention. If you don't allow it to affect you, she has no power over you. Just simply tell your husband that you are done and that you need to focus your energy on school, health and your marriage. Don't tell him that he has to join you, but let him know you are not doing it anymore. Then when she comes by and he lets her in, go to your room to do homework until she's gone. Stand your ground, but don't be angry, just be unaffected by it all. The only control you have in the situation is how you let it affect you. If you don't allow yourself to spend any time or emotion on any of them the easier it will be to deal with.

If your husband needs to vent to you about a 2 hour phone call at work, allow him to get it out for a few minutes and then remind him that you can't be involved because you need to focus on your homework. Getting caught up in it all, even if it's just venting and complaining about it, is enabling her behavior.

You are right, and the idea of heading to the bedroom to do homework is a good one. I figured before that would be rude...but I think at this point it is perfect.

It's driving me insane. My husband and I talk about it and I say we have to stay out of it. I tell him he has to stay out of it. Eventually if things get out of control, some of these illegal things she's doing WILL effect us as she has used OUR computer, brought these things to OUR house, had my husband read some of them (confidential information she never should have had). I keep telling him WE will get in trouble and he will likely lose his job (it's in security and you have to say completely clean and within the law to keep it).

He says okay, we'll stay out of it...totally agrees with me. Then he answers her calls, has her forward him emails so he can look at them. He doesn't ever just say "I'm sorry mom, but I can no longer help you with any of this". He didn't tell her when she came up with this crazy moving scheme "I'm sorry, but you have to handle moving back into your house on your own, we don't support this and believe it is incredibly unhealthy". Instead he said "Okay! I'll come and help you take your stuff apart!" Ladies....I'm tired. I have NO support.

I'm exhausted. I just told my sister at this rate I'm just going to take my credit card and head to Denver (I like Denver...I do not like Panama City Florida), and just live off of that until I can get a job. I need a break from everything and everyone.

I think if you remove yourself from all the crazy interaction you'll feel a lot better. Give yourself a month or two of completely staying out of all of it before you take off for a break.

Excuse yourself when she comes over. Don't entertain conversations about her with your husband. Don't constantly worry about him being involved. Seriously, just try to get to a 'whatever' place. If he's all stressed and venting to you, simply say 'I know, it's nuts, I'm sorry you're dealing with it but I can't be involved anymore, I need to focus on my life right now. I hope you can work it out.' and leave it at that, no more conversation after that. Literally walk away and busy yourself with something. It won't take long before he's fed up. Right now, he has you to lean on and vent to, so it makes it easier for him. But when it's just him and all of it on his shoulders, he'll have a lot less tolerance and eventually he'll get to the same place you are.

Staying out of it isn't an option it seems. She searches our apartment for our car, if it's there, she comes up because she knows we are home. This just happened.

Even sitting here completely ignoring her...while my husband told her she was being illogical didn't work. She stayed to rant, provoke, ask questions, drive us insane, and pace frantically through our apartment due to some new chaotic thing that happened.

My husband is actually looking for jobs out of the country. We are desperate to get away from this situation and make her leave us alone. I don't know what else to say! I need my husband to say to her "we are staying out of this" but he won't! sigh

Why did he answer the door? She can't come in and rant and march around if the door is locked, shades drawn and no one answers.

I guess because she knows we are home. If we don't answer, she'll the house phone and cell phone over and over and over again until we answer one of those.

I asked my husband why we don't do that and he said "I didn't think about that". As in, he didn't think about not answering the door. He says that is mean and then we have to come up with an excuse as to where we are.

I feel like our life is being taken over by her, but feel bad about being mean. I dunno. Is that weird?

Turn the ringer off. It's mean what she's doing, so there shouldn't be any guilt in taking the high road and not indulging her.