Dad Problems...

**X_Tina** · 10-26-2010 01:50 PM

Okay, so my boyfriend and I live with my dad. He does ask for a lot of things. Like if he is out of smokes, he asks my boyfriend to buy him some and then does not pay him back for a long time. He has borrowed money off of me before and payed it back but it takes him a while to pay it back.

Well, we live in a house with 2 other people and we rent the house from a different person...So this last month, I gave my dad the rent last friday. Well, my dad must have spent it on something else. Because now apparantly he needs to borrow $110 this Friday because we cannot be late on rent or we have to be out by the end of the month. Well, I told him no because I am tired of lending him money in the end leaving me with no money. So when I told him no he said "you will get it back on November 16th" and I still said "no, i dont care" and my dad responded "then we have to be out by the end of this month. so you can find a place by then. its on your head"

I do not feel bad because I said no. I gave him the rent, I should not have to lend him more money so he can cover what he spent. My boyfriend and I already have a place for April and am pretty sure we can move in sooner if needed too.

My dad always questions where, my money is going. Or where my boyfriends money is going. He wants to know why my credit card is maxxed out, and why hasnt my boyfriend put the money back on he said he was going too. My dad hinted that I would rather let my boyfriend not pay back the money then lend him money and get it back in a couple weeks. But the thing is, my boyfriend is my future and I will have to share expenses with him in the future. My dad will not be. My dad always relys on me for money and I am not going to help him anymore. He is an adult and should be able to take care of his own expenses.

I get paid $424.00 every 2 weeks. My expenses are: $35 for hydro; $50 for water; $67 for cell phone; $80 for student loan; $30 for cable/internet; and $225 for rent. So in the end I do not have money to be throwing out or lending out. Especially with Christmas right around the corner.

Did I do the wrong thing by saying no? Am I doing the right thing, by sticking to my rights of saying no?

**sourpuss** · 10-26-2010 01:59 PM

If you paid your rent, in full and on time I don't see how you did anything wrong. Sounds like you need to move out sooner than later.

**X_Tina** · 10-26-2010 02:03 PM

Okay, thanks. Usually I give in and borrow him the money. But this time, I do not want to. I have had enough of lending him the money and not having money for myself. I cant rely on my boyfriend for money all the time. And with my boyfriend and I moving out in April, I need to start saving money not lending it out. I cannot help it if my dad does not know how to manage his money. I am trying to stay away from that area.

**KMonte85** · 10-26-2010 02:19 PM

It sounds like you're doing the right thing by moving out on your own. Dad needs to learn financial responsibility, and should NOT rely on you for your money. I'm happy to hear you're planning on moving out on your own, it sounds like it might be a benefit to you!

But there is one thing in your post that worries me a little, the fact that your boyfriend also borrows your money and doesn't pay you back (or at least not within the time he says he will). If you two are going to live together, he needs to be responsible to help pay for living expenses too, especially withou! With the money you make, if you're going to have to support yourself and your boyfriend, you may not be able to make it. You and he have to be 110% clear on how the expenses will be split between you two, and that he is going to contribute to the bills, on time, as agreed.

Maybe I'm reading too much into what you've written, but I just want to throw that out there!

**X_Tina** · 10-26-2010 02:22 PM

I mean, why should I have to borrow him money when it is his own fault that he doesnt have the full amount for rent. It is not up to me, to take care of him at this time.

**X_Tina** · 10-26-2010 02:32 PM

No No my boyfriend pays me back he has on time. My dad just doesnt seem to see it that way. My boyfriend spends a lot of money on me and my expenses. My dad just brought it up again, and said "have you found a place yet?" I said "no" but I do not think my dad realizes that if we do need to move out, and we is me and my bf. We have a number of places we can go too. My dad also, gets mad when my bf and I dont pitch in for food for the house. But when we do, we do not even eat most of it. My dad eats like 5-6 times a day, my bf and I eat there maybe twice a day. And he does not like the stuff we buy, because we dont always buy name brands. When, I was 18 I used to give him almost all my pay cheque. I am done doing that, I need money for myself and I have my own bills to pay. My dad was the one who messed up my credit when I was 18-20. And I was the one who had to pay it all back. He never paid me for that. So if he wants to complain about my boyfriend not paying me back, then he should not be talking. Because he was the first person to help max out my credit card and he never put any money back on but $100. What about the other $900 he used on it?? So my boyfriend used $400 on it and he put $400 back on, $200 one week and another $200 2 weeks after that. So my boyfriend and I maxed it out again. My boyfriend is putting money back on, I do not see my dad putting money on it so he can use it. what about the bills that we agreed to put in my name when I was 20, and he never paid it off, I did. I had to borrow money off of a friends mom and pay her back.

I have to hide my change and any money we have. Or lie about how much money I got paid, so i do not have to lend him money. Why should I have to do that?

**Agony_Aunt** · 10-26-2010 04:04 PM

It sounds like you are more responsible with your money than your dad.

What job does your dad have or does he work, or why is it he is always asking for the lend of money of you? What does he do with all his own money?
Your dad has to realise that you yourself, have expenses and bills to pay and that he needs to stand on his own two feet. You will be moving out soon as you have stated and he still then can't expect you to lend him money.
I think moving out, is going to do you a lot of good. With no offense, you sound to be a good natured person, but your dad is taking advantage of that by constantly asking you for money. You are not wrong by saying no to him. Because he has to learn to support himself, when you are no longer living with him.