I can't stand my brother..please help me!

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-10-2010 05:14 PM

I am so done pretending to like my brother, all he ever does is insult me beat the out of me for years including throwing me head out the window in winter... he dropped out of school to sell weed literally mooched off my mother and she still pays for his cell phone and hes 22! like last month he said i was stupid going no where in my life to suck a and all these other mean things and tonight he banged on the door to the bathroom while i was starting to have my bath and hes like wtf do you think ur doing and started yelling at me saying he was gonna have 1 and all he did is leave a messed up towel and a book on the floor how was i suppose to know and started caling me a idiot. and he has done that to me a ton of times! its just any little thing that does go his way will set him off like THAT. He's been doing this since I was 15 and im 24 now.

Im emailing my dad cause I do not feel safe he clearly has HUGE anger management issues and I do not feel safe with guns and stuff and I am worried for this innoncent girl hes dating cause he might do the same things to her as to me but its not my place to say anything to her, and he needs to do something cause i swear the next time im calling the cops im not putting up with this abuse we dont even talk unless I need to hand the phone to him... he didnt even wish me happy birthday but im not doing him any favors anymore including getting gifts etc.

I have no interest in having a relationship with him. What do you think I should do? I have 2 more years before I can move out. (when i finish school)

**Agony_Aunt** · 11-10-2010 10:18 PM

From what I can gather from what you have posted is: Your mum and dad aren't together anymore. Divorce or them splitting up could have affected him more than he has ever said.
Next is Weed (drugs), that is the second problem, and he definetly seems to have a problem with controlling his anger and temper.
But I also think there is/could be more under-lying issue's with your brother. And from your position and relationship with him, suggesting a councillor to him is not something you'd like to put yourself forward for.

But it is something he needs and you can't keep putting up with this for another 2 years.
I suggest you talk to your mum about him seeing a councillor or therapist, and have her confront him about it.

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-11-2010 06:44 AM

Yes, my parents are split up and my dad doesnt live here. My brother was like this long before they divorced. He actually dropped out of high school to sell weed and it took him 7 years to graduate.

I have email my dad about this and I this is what he says - he doesn't get it at all.

My Email to him ---

have ALWAYS stayed away from Sean, you need to address him to stay away from me.

Sean has serious anger management issues that he needs help with ASAP, You cannot stand behind him and just say "stay away from one another" that hasn't worked for years. If he doesn't seek help he could end of in jail or worse.

I do not feel comfortable with him having loaded gun/weapons in his bedroom and I asked they are to be removed out of the household.

I have suffered a lot of physical and mental abuse from him over the years and it stops here I don't deserve this I don't know what his problem is but if he tries one more thing I will be pursuing legal action and i am serious about this. Your best option is to get him help before this happens.

His E-mail to me ---

You need to simmer down. Sean has anger issues but you have some issues of your own, Firstly, stop worrying about guns. That's riiculous.

You are very judgemental about people Anastasia and virtually never forgive peole for anything. I'm extemely tired of this behaviour as your father, if you don't easy up you'll end up with no firends.

Ellen won't put up with drama indefintly so start thinkig about how you can be easier to live with too. You do vitually nothing to clean up around the house. There will be serious consequences for you also. Ellen doesn't dseve to have to put up with all this drama and won't much longer.

My email to him ---

Do not tell me to "simmer down" I am being completely level-headed with you about this situation. Sean has anger management issues and he needs help and if you refuse to get him help I'm going to pursure legal action next time he does something becuase it's not fair to me to live to physical/mental abuse. You can't stand behind him any longer just because he is your son, he's 22 and an adult and people in the real world are not going to put up with his issues and it's best to get him help before this happens.

I RARELY yell at Ellen but relationships aren't perfect people are bound to have arguments at some point. Do not talk to me about my friends, I have plenty of friends. I am judgemental because I know what type of people I like and ones I don't from past expierences and that's not a bad thing.

I haven't lost it with Ellen in like FOREVER so i dont know why your even bringing this up this email was not about eileen it is about sean - you can't even see he has a problem and needs help and im concerned about my safety. I'm asking you to do something about it if notdon't then I will. I can leave my towels and dishes in the hall (sean does too) cause I bring them down when they are ready to go and besides the towels are in my coridoor. I can't even believe you said all those things, you are completely heartless person who always tries to bring out the negative side in people. If you can't see there is a problem then you should see someone.

E-mail from him---

i'm a completely heartless person?? You sure you want to go with that? I have a lot of anger about what happened this summer, but I'm trying my best to deal with it because we both know you need the help. (he married the "other woman" this summer and forced me to go to the wedding and I sat in the back and did not participate in the activities as i felt uncomfortable)

You and Sean are experts and blaming each other, but lousy at admitting your own shortcomings. The two of you need to focus on school and leave each other alone. Both of you have the option of moving out.

Email to him---

Don't even get me start on the wedding. You know how I felt about your relationship with Nicole and forced me to attend the wedding you should have known how I would have reacted. it's done and over with - get over it.

You need to understand I NEVER go near ssean becuase I do not like him, he is the one who always comes to me I don't know why you can't understand that. Why can't he stay away from me? It has nothing to with me and all with him. You can't see he has anger management issues and needs help before he seriously hurt someone. I do not feel safe with gun i the house it's a safety issue. Why are you siding with him when I haven't done anything wrong? I have given you warning to do something about this situation and I'll address with Ellen but if the either of you two refuse then I will do something next time it happens. punching someones head out the window and dislocating a tooth comes across as serious issues.

I can't afford to move out I can BARELY work. What do you think im suppose to do?

**KMonte85** · 11-11-2010 07:41 AM

Well it sounds like you have your answer from Dad. I would stop emailing him, it is falling on deaf ears anyway as he seems to want to discuss past issues he's had with you, not anything going on currently with your brother. What does your mom say about this situation with your brother?

It seems like you've got no control over how your brother will behave, so all you can do is react. Do you have friends who will let you move in? Is there a way for you to find a job so you can support yourself?

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-11-2010 08:14 AM

My dad and mom don't seem to realize what a problem my brother has and they just say stay away from each other but that's not going to change how he treats people. I know he needs treatment becuase when he moves out of home into the real world he could hurt someone and there will be serious consequences. They can't stand behind him just becuase he's part of the family and that just isn't working.

I dont know why thier refusing to do something about it but I warned them I will next time he snaps - I don't feel safe.

im a university student so i can't really work staying at home is my only option.

**KMonte85** · 11-11-2010 08:46 AM

Unfortunately, that is how many people with anger management issues end up getting treatment. They get in a serious legal situation that forces the treatment on them, even though others have seen the need far before that. Unless your brother is willing to seek treatment, nothing you, or your parents can do. Even if your parents wanted him to seek help, he's an adult and would need to seek help himself.

I think either you will have to lay low at home and try to keep it calm (difficult obviously), or you're going to have to find a part time job and move into a place with roommates so your bills are reduced. Does your univeristy offer dorms to students? The cost of this can be included in financial aid loans. It IS harder to work while also in school, but don't let that stop you if you are truly scared of your situation at home and need to get out. I went to a university as well, lived in the dorms for a bit and then got an apartment. I worked between 20 and 40 hours a week (depending on how much money I needed) all 4 years. One of those jobs was actually an internship that ended up being my fulltime employment upon graduation. Sometimes working while in school can be beneficial beyond just the financial aspect of being able to support yourself. I would urge you to look at this as a viable option, but again it comes down to just how much you want to get away from your brother.

**lizzardb63** · 11-11-2010 10:03 AM

Only problem with this situation is your brother is the one who has to decide to get help. No one can make him do that...he has to want it himself.

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-13-2010 01:39 PM

My mom tells me yesterday that my friend told him I said I was going to tell his gf stuff which is not true, she was standing up for me all she said is that its rude he wouldnt drive me home and how i was getting along with his new gf I haven't even seen her face and apparently I give her dirtry looks. My brother is now twisting things around to my mom including my friend to make me look bad. He hates me, he has physically and verbally abused me over the years apparently if I get into a argument about school or something with my mom that sets him off but if he gets in one with her THATS OK?

He says im rude, disrespectful to my parents (my dad lives in another country) a terirble person and selfish. He says he'll never forgive me and doesn't want a relationship with me. I don't know why he hates me it's small things that set him off that most people pass by. My mom doesn't know what to do... and shes not taking sides cus she think we both have problems but you see the thing is I never go near him he always starts with me and even with others I will defend myself it's not normal not to get into arguments but when he does he is psychologically out of control. I am threatened by him and he's dangerous and my parents won't do anything about it.

Honestly, after the way he's treated me for years the damage is already done and I have no interest in having a relationship with him at all. I don't even know how we're related. He basically hates me for no reason for examplw one night I took a bath and he had left a messed up towel and a novel on the flor and I started taking a bath and he thinks i should have known but thats not a indicator maybe if he drew the bath water. Over the years he has stolen food, my bath water, personal belongings etc just to be more powerful then me. he leaves his pubic hair all over the tub, he scatters his clothes & army gear throughout the house and pretty much blames everything on me.

He think my boots take much too much space, I dont help out enough (neither does he) and I get my dad to help me with homework sometimes and lile i got my mom to fill out the blue cross for for school, thinks i have too much clothes (which I bought). Frankly, this is none of his business he acts this way but i don't treat him that way becuase of his issues. I'm just tired of everything but the only thing i can do now is stay clear of him (which I already do) I can't afford to move out atm I'm in school until August 2012 and I also need to save money. Possibly next year I do have a job Fri/Sat/Sun 730-330 i get about $1300 a month working pt but its hard to move out what if I have to call in sick for an assignment or test? thats the problem. My bff lives in montreal in a condo said I could go up there rent free but I'd have to do my school online which im iffy about and not all the classes might be offered and I couldnt work becuase I don't know french.

I think he has serious psychological issues but only he can change that. he lies to my parents. Every person is the way they are because of their upbringing I turned out fine but he's been a problem child since day 1 and my parents won't do anything even when they know he has a problem. I feel he's won and will do what he wants and he doesnt feel bad cus he hasnt gotten in trouble over it. I can see mistakes in their parenting ability letting him get away with stuff. I am a nice girl I just get involved with negative people sometimes and I warned them if he strikes again Im going to find someone in the community who can actually help me. Im going to see my doctor next week to talk about this I don't feel safe and I need a professional's advise as to what to do.

What do you guys think?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-13-2010 02:15 PM

Your Dad accused you of being judgemental... about people...

" I can see mistakes in their parenting". that's judgemental...

Maybe if you accept your brother regardless of his faults, for who he is, he may lay off you, certainly he has anger problems but he's fighting himself as well, after all he's a drop out, your still studying, he sold/sells drugs, I assume you despise them, two different people....

So not to sound harsh at all, but the whole thread you've written is "him" and defense on anything you do, you give reasons why .... It's my corridor, it's because I will when I go down stairs, it's my clothes....

Take a step back and think... If you constantly say your wrong, it's all you, nothing wrong with what I do, or me, there will never be a resolve, ever...

You'll push your brother to the edge in my opinion, (it's WRONG) what he has done to you, physical, emotional, verbal abuse is WRONG and your correct, it should not be tolerated at all, but my fear for you is if you go down this path of "warning", of " find someone in the community to help me" "see a doctor to gain professional advice", all about your brother, he may snap....

I think you should take up your boyfriend's offer, and learn French, do the course on-line find a way to do any part of it that isn't available, over there and be safe and also out of the whole situation...

CW

Thread: I can't stand my brother..please help me!

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

I can't stand my brother..please help me!

Similar Threads

One night stand questions....

One Night Stand

Cant stand him

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions