Father-related: Don't know what to do

**Melissa21** · 11-15-2010 03:12 AM

This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and looking back, I think I should have done more about it.

When I was 20 years old, my adopted father and I were having a conversation alone, and he told me that he had certain "feelings" for me. He asked me if I had the same for him, and I of course said "No!" Later in the conversation he told me that he would recommend that I not tell my Mom. I didn't say anything to anyone for a few years.

I ended up talking to my Mom about it and she couldn't believe it. My dad denied it for awhile and said that I had gotten the conversation all wrong. He finally ended up admitting it, and said that he was wrong to tell me what he was feeling/thinking about me. In the end, nothing ended up happening. Life carried on.

Now I can't stand being around him, and can't go near the house if only he's home. Does anybody have any advice? Should I have reported it to somebody or talked to a professional? What if he does the same thing to my younger sisters?

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-15-2010 04:19 AM

Not knowing how old you are now and how long ago this happend, it's difficult to say whether you should have told anyone or not. Atthis point it doesn't really matter.

What's important now is that you get the help you need so you can start to recover. Your health and well being are most important.

Clearly this is still bothering you, so you need to do something about it. You need to talk about it with someone that can help you through it....like a counselor or therapist.

You can't help anyone else until you've helped yourself first.

The path to recovery begins with you taking the first step.

**jns** · 11-15-2010 05:40 AM

Please give more information as to the age of adoption of you and your siblings, etc. Was it an actual legal adoption? It sounds like he has serious issues. What was your mother's response to this?

**Halle** · 11-16-2010 03:01 AM

I don't find it necessary to ask the woman how old she is now, and if it was a legal adoption. It seems that the issue here is that her father, whether he was the legal adoptive father or not, told his daughter he had "certain feelings" for her. This is serious. I can't imagine how I would feel if my father told me he had feelings for me! I would definitely speak with a professional and take it from there.

**jns** · 11-16-2010 05:51 AM

There is the case of Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn.

**JustHormonious** · 11-16-2010 07:28 PM

I think you handled this situation perfectly and have cause to be concerned about your younger sisters. Hopefully your mother is keeping a closer eye on what's going on. If you feel uncomfortable around your father now, don't be around him. Keep in mind what he did was morally wrong but not illegal. You can still have a good relationship with your sisters, just outside of the home.

**Lunar Keiki** · 11-16-2010 10:59 PM

I too am adopted and I cannot even fathom that happening. And I agree--it doesn't really matter how old you were when you were adopted or whether it was a legal adoption or otherwise. I know for me, if my father in law were to say something like that, I would be so freaked out because it is so inappropriate and in laws are people who come into your life later. I don't know that you could have done any more than you did, but I would also be wary for my younger siblings. I don't *think* he will do anything as he never did anything to you, but he may express the same thoughts and they may be just as freaked out and wondering if they did something to illicit that kind of emotions from their dad.....